@Desmond I am so sorry for your loss, having that contact throughout the day and then now nothing is what hurts me so much. Every time the phone pings I expect to see a message from him, I keep thinking he’s going to walk back in with his huge grin. Life is cruel but it also gave me four years of pure joy and love and that’s what I’m holding on to. At the moment I can’t imagine ever smiling again without a tear, or waking without it instantly hitting me all over again. But I know he’s with me in spirit and that he’s willing me to go on no matter how much I don’t want to. X
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@Matisse I am so sorry for your loss, and to have to go to the funeral on your own I can’t even begin to imagine it, you’re one strong person. My partner decided he didn’t want a funeral as such and so is having a direct funeral, his ashes will be scattered on the beach where we live, and a place we both love.
My partner only managed 4 chemotherapy treatments, as he had infection after infection. He also had sepsis, luckily that was spotted in time, had a STOMA fitted, and you just keep thinking this time he’ll get his next chemo and it’ll show signs he’s getting better, but no. I think that I thought having cancer meant that you were looked after and cared for really well but not anymore.
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@Foreveryoung81 It is going to be a hard few months leading up to Christmas as this was his favourite time of year but like us all we have wonderful memories of those times we had with them
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@MrsQ I know Christmas and the lead up was so special for us too, it fills me with dread. I wish I could go away and miss it all but with children I simply can’t do that x
@Foreveryoung81 I feel that the first year will be the worst, but hopefully things will feel a bit more bearable. My Mam is 83, and been a widow for 38 years now, I just keep thinking, if she can do it, I can too. She’s had her ups and downs but she did it, and still does.
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Just so hard this journey I want to go to sleep and not wake up, life is not fair.
@Debbie25 I feel the same, yet each morning we wake and it hits us again. And the only thing I can think to get me through is what Lee would have given to have one day by my side or to see his parents and I get to do that for him now xx
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Hi Mrs Q, my wife died of cancer on Monday.I was also her carer. I spent all of my time making sure she was as comfortable as possible. Her eyesight was really poor towards the end. I would walk up to her and ask what are you doing, she would be on her phone. She would just say, I am working on my story. She passed away early morning and that evening I received a message from her of pure love. I take such comfort from the amount of effort it must have taken to complete this message. Our partners do know how much effort, care and love we put into caring. I wish you peace and love during the tough time
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@John64 Thank you for your kind words and support. And what a beautiful and wonderful thing you’re wife did sending you that message.
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Oh thank you so much for your reply, yes we are both broken in 2 or even, & torn a part, god when you some one you have loved is so hard,even more so when you’ve had a loving connection with them, I cry a lot over the loss of my loved one, there’s not a day I don’t cry my heart out,and it don’t take much to set me off, crying is a release of pain and love you have to do it, no mater what, you know how you felt, for the person you loved, you like me will not get over this loss, as you were so young, its not as if you’ve spend over 40-50 years together, you robbed of that, just I was, the pain must be so raw in you again like you, I think is life worth living,but at the end of the day, the people we both loved would like us to live out life to the full, and try in some shape and form to love again,I know its going to be very hard for both of us, s we both are in a lot of pain, and grieving, but we love the person we loved with out any rhyme or reason, and losing them has both ripped us apart, again let your grief come out.
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That’s what l wish too most nights… me and the cats (they’re the only reason l’m still here) just gone…
Hello Debbie25,
I guess l understand how you feel. l wish the same for myself most nights. Off and gone. But l have the cats that my husband too loved so much. I couldn’t leave them behind to fend for themselves.
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Matisse, I could have written that. 7 awful sessions of chemo, given all clear, and then it comes back aggressively . I’m so angry. I know it’s a “stage of grief”, but that doesn’t help.
Futile is so true.
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Paddy53,
I think it must have been mid May when we saw this oncologist at the hospital, she had just returned from a 3 years fellowship in Ottawa… she really took the time to talk to us, so l eventually dared to ask the question and she replied, without treatment a few months, with treatment a year tops, at the best of cases… l remember how l really hated her at that moment. Everybody said to me how dare she, nobody knows how long a person will live… but she was so right… for what it’s worth, l still hate her.
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Hello to all,
This is a technical question:roll_eyes:
Where do l press / how do l reply to anybody’s post without having to remember… type their name each time… Thank you:pray:
Hi @Matisse if you press the arrow under who you want to reply to it shows you are replying to that post. Hope that helps x
Hi TashLee, Last night was not good for me, no sleep. I am struggling to keep my annoyance from showing with my family that just carry on. I know this is nasty and selfish, but I miss her so much
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@John64 i totally understand I find myself removing myself from certain family as they are too overbearing and I feel they grieve for me more than my partner, I’ve tried to explain this but to no avail. My friends have been the sunshine for me and my children. It’s so hard and everything I do I wish he was besides me still, I feel lost and scared so much it’s physically affecting me as we as emotionally. Have you made any plans to meet friends or go out? I feel having some kind of focus on at least one day is driving me forward, I’ll return to work in a months time and already I am dreading the rat race and how simple my life will become without Lee to add the sparkle x
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Hi TashLee, My daughter took me to lunch today to a restaurant my wife loved. I smiled and ate a bit but was dying inside.
I came out the restaurant and a robin was sitting at my car door.
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