Thank you @Deb5
I’m really not strong.
I used to be but not anymore.
Like us all on here , too much energy is used up just getting through a day, sometimes the next hour.
What ever I’m doing , where ever I am just thinking about my soulmate, and missing him, and wishing ‘it’ wasn’t true.
Much love and hugs… And I really do appreciate your posts 
Thank you so much. I will let you know what I decide or is decided for me by the big bosses. The hospital is very lucky to have you volunteering. The wards are all bursting at the seams and not enough staff to go around. They must be so happy to have you helping.
I hope they do move you and if they dont go to the unions or acas … totally unacceptable to force you to work in a ward with such awful memories if you dont wish to 
also you could go to your MP failing that … they carry a lot of weight you know ! You would be amazed at what gets done when they are involved !! Dont forget the governent pay their wages !!! Xx good luck
Hi , it’s a difficult decision I’m sure take your time , my husband was fortunate to have private health care through his work so had all his chemotherapy administered at home with nurses and as you can imagine lots of equipment often look to where he would be siting and see him there hooked up to iv chemo for 6 hours every 2 weeks hope all goes ok whatever you decide take care x
hi,
only you know the answer to this, dont push yourself too hard! I’m having a similar situation where my nan has moved into my grandad’s place and I’m struggling of walking into the house. I jsut gotta remember I will do it at my own pace, and you know when you’re ready you can do! and that he will be so proud and watching down on you when you manage to do it! but dont let anyone tell you otherwise because you have time and you will do it in your own time - trust me!
Thank you. It’s really tough isn’t it? Kind regards.
Thank you so much. We are all doing this at our own pace.
I was wondering if HR can offer you some counselling to help you through their staff support if they have one.
It would be an idea as to how to reply to their query. Seems a phased possible return maybe. After all you have been traumatised. May be explaining how it is and how you are confused that the moment quite understandably. Maybe ask for a sabbatical to have a change. Just some options that is all.
For you
Hi @Clover4
Been thinking about you.
How are you? Have your bosses given you the right support to help you decide what to do? I really hope so.
Love and strength to you 
Hello, thank you so much for messaging. Hope you are doing ok. I met with HR this morning. There is talk about me staying away from the ward but working in a surgical clinic that is attached to the ward where I work and Mark died. I will keep trying over the next few weeks to get into my department. I haven’t managed to get into the lift yet but I’ll keep pushing myself. Have you been back volunteering again? They must love to have you there for an extra pair of hands 
Hello lovely.
You are so brave.
Are you happy(?) With their suggestions? Happy!!! You know what I mean. Not the right words… I just hope you are feeling supported and listened to.
I do my volunteering once a week, every Friday.
I work full time (paid ) at a charity Mon - Thurs. That supports people and families with learning difficulties. I teach adults through term times but in the school holidays , I’m taken our of that and run schemes for children with very high needs. ( That’s because before I worked here I was a teacher for 30 years in special schools)
Id gone to 4 working days a week a couple of years before my husband died, , after he had some prolonged stays in hospital in HDU. And I was knackered juggling everything!!!
I’ve kept working paid 4 days … But now use my ‘day off’ to volunteer on Phil’s respiratory ward.
As I said in previous posts , I’m well known, and I know the ward far too well!!! It’s a two way thing. I can help… but they help me too…the staff and patients.
Not that it’s not hard , and extremely emotional. It is, but I get some comfort from it. And feels like home when I’m there. Not everyone understands that!
Anyway enough of me… You take your time, go at your own pace…
Lots of love and strength from me to you
What busy days you have. What you are managing to do each day is very inspiring. I’m afraid I’m not that brave, I just need the kids to see that their mum hasn’t given up and is still trying. Mark was the one who was brave, he fought to the very end because he knew the kids needed him and he didn’t want to leave them. I’m now fully responsible for them and their grief and I’m terrified I fail them.
HR were very kind. My work and home life has been interconnected for 20 years with Mark and I working together. My lovely Mark got 18 weeks from diagnosis and that’s now 18 weeks since he died. It’s not really a long time to adjust. The thought of losing my work and work colleagues too is overwhelming. The surgical clinic may be a good alternative for me. Thank you so much for messaging. You are very kind
You are an inspiration too. Having kids to worry about ,is another whole dimension.
I’m so sorry for you and them.
Such a short amount of time for you to make such a huge adjustment.
L
Phil had a daughter and step children from a previous marriage, but we didn’t have them together, as Phil was my first husband, and he was quite a few years older than me, and so we weren’t blessed with children of our own .
His daughter died of MND about 6 months before him, age 40. (It devastated him, despite the fact that one of those family rifts , that happened after his split with her mum, meant he hadn’t been in regular touch for a few years) . And now his step daughter , who is only a few months younger than me, who he did stay in touch with , is going through stage 4 breast cancer. I’m supporting her the best I can.
We were married for 16 years . And although it’s now 17 months, since I lost him…it still feels so raw, and I’m still in denial.
Love and strength to you.
Your step daughter is very lucky to have you. It must be very difficult caring again for someone who is sick after losing your husband. It must bring back some difficult memories. It will also keep you close to your husband and he would be so proud that you are caring for his daughter 
I hope your step daughter is ok ? How sad for you. You’re such a strong lady you really are xx
Dear @Clover4 and @Deb5
Thank you for your kind words.
She is doing okayish given the circumstances. She has support of her husband and their daughter.
They are a tight little unit. (Like me and my husband were)
My support is mostly by phone, as that’s the way she wants it. But I’m very grateful that she wants to keep in regular touch with me about her ongoing treatment.
Hope you both have a reasonable day as possible
@Clover4 i think it’s the worst thing that has ever happened to me losing my Andrew . I face anything now with the thought nothing can be as bad as that . . I hope you will be ok my love xxxxd
Thank you so much. You are so right. I just don’t plan on making life any more difficult than it needs to be anymore.
Dear @Clover4
I was just thinking about you, and wondering how you are doing?
Sending love , hugs and strength
Dear @Clover4
Just getting ready for my Friday volunteering shift at the hospital,
and I was thinking about you and wondering how you are doing?
Take care,
Lots of love, hugs and strength
