There will never be anyone else for me I’m 59 but don’t feel I want to replace Jim he was one of a kind a true gentleman the sort that opened a door for you and helped you on with a coat. He was my rock and without him I’m like a lost puppy don’t know how to carry on its like a black hole in my heart and it’s broken. As the song says you are always on my mind. I don’t even know what day it is sometimes and I walk about in a daze zombie state
14 Likes
Yes I feel I’m drifting along with no real purpose but actually it’s all I can cope with at the moment, my husband was the same made me feel so special all the time and really looked after me, a whole forty three years together and now at sixty two I’m having to manage alone with a broken heart I love to look through our photos with all our adventures and we look so happy together, we always said together forever and thought we had years left together but tragically it was not to be, hugs to everyone xx
3 Likes
Our 40th wedding anniversary is in three months time. I remember so clearly sitting chatting with my husband during the first lockdown about our plans to celebrate only for him to be taken from me some six months later. No goodbyes, no chance to tell him one last time how much I love him. The day he died the light went out on my own life. We had been together since our teens and he remains my one and only. Just find each day so difficult. xxxx
9 Likes
I feel the same, I met my husband when we were 8 and all though not always friends we dated for a bit at 14 then together, forever at 16/17 and there will never be anyone else for me, how could there be? We knew each other so well, could finish each other’s sentences and I knew what he was thinking just by looking at him. We didn’t get a chance to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary, it was last November, he died in the August. But we were together for 31 years. I am aware that at 49 I may have many years ahead, which will be lonely, before I hope to see him again. But he’s worth waiting for x
8 Likes
We have a large frame in our bedroom and it says
‘ when I saw you, I fell in love, and you smiled, because you knew ‘
And we used to say it together a line each most mornings and laugh because it was exactly like that, such lovely memories all around me, sometimes it’s too much reminding me what I’ve lost but mostly it makes me smile inside to know that I have had such love xx
5 Likes
I feel all your pain.
My wonderful husband of 33 years so full of life was tragically taken from us Aug 20 in a collision whilst out riding with his cycling group.
The moment the police knocked on the door our lives were broken forever 
I’m lucky to have such a wonderful supportive family but every day waking and remembering feels like day one again x
6 Likes
Everything you say about your relationship with your husband I can totally relate to, ours was exactly the same. Were together from me being 13 & him 15, married at 20 together for a total of 45 years.
At 59 I am also aware that I may have many lonely years ahead of me but there could never be anyone else for me, he was the one, the love of my life, from first setting eyes on him all those years ago I knew I would spend the rest of my days with him, even though he is gone as far as I’m concerned he is still my husband & I will remain married to him for ever our marriage will never end & I will never stop loving him.
On Saturday I had a tattoo, my first one ever. I always knew at some point I would have one but when I did it would be to mark something big, a life changing event, a turning point in my life. In the past things have happened & I have asked myself is this the time that I do it? But it has never felt right until now. I wanted to do something with some of his ashes, a keepsake, something small I could have with me always. I thought about the jewelry you can have made but worried how upsetting it would be if you lost it, then it hit me, I could have some of his ashes tattooed into my arm! He will be with me always, a part of me & unless I loose my arm I can’t ever loose it! So here it is, my tattoo
9 Likes
I had a very similar experience to your own 3 years ago Annemarie. My husband was out for a ride with his cycling group when he suddenly cried out and fell from his bike. The first I knew of it was a knock at the door from a policeman. The shock was awful. I really feel for you.
3 Likes
Dear annemarie13
My husband died in a motorbike crash. Police answered his phone and my nightmare began and continues. That was September 2020 and like yourself the pain is as great today as the day they told me at the hospital he had not made it. All I can say is I wish none of us were on this painful, dark journey.
4 Likes
Dear Keskai
Your tattoo including your husband’s ashes is just beautiful.
I have never had the desire to have a tattoo until loosing my husband. Our daughter has quite a few so am waiting until she is next back home for long enough to go with me. I want it to include the wording from our elderly neighbour who wrote a few words which meant so much after my husband died - “Simply the best”. Also a picture of a bee as our little grandsons love the “Bee Movie” and thinking ahead I want them to always think of me and their granda everytime they see a bee. These are the things that I spend my days thinking about now, these are the only plans that I can think about now.
5 Likes
What a lovely idea and something that will always be with you it’s beautiful. I was thinking of having a tattoo something to remind me of jim . We used to say love you to the moon and back so something on them lines maybe
3 Likes
That’s lovely, and so special 
3 Likes
Dear Misprint
I echo all your sentiments I am fifty eight and can’t stomach the thought of being with anybody else than Chris. I feel lost 2 it’s been over 12 months since he died but it feels like yesterday. I feel guilt …does anybody else ? I feel I wasn’t good enough a partner or kind enough. Eats me away.I wish you luck keep going misprint it’s all we can do.
5 Likes
Exactly the same here
2 Likes
Totally sympathise. So much is lost in one tragic moment
3 Likes
The guilt is so normal. After 3 months it has eased a little but I was wracked with guilt initially that I had not saved Sue like I always promised her I would. It’s just about trying to exist in the ghastly new normal none of us want. Each day is a big hurdle to overcome and after 47 years of love there will never be anyone who can take her place
3 Likes
So true everybody …I thought this immense guilt was just me .How ridiculous.Thankyou guys and good luck everybody
3 Likes
I feel the same, over and over why didn’t I go up there why didn’t I get him into hospital he said he was going but he didn’t go found dead in his house I can’t do anything at the moment I’ve tried going to work twice, done two shifts but it’s too hard, I found out beginning December I was dealing with the police and coroners and they said the landlord wanted house cleared I went up there and with the most amazing neighbours cleared house and bought personal things home to London. He was estranged from his family, he was 70 with adult daughters and son, I thought he had some contact but couldn’t trace them finally the coroner has traced them which is good, I have passed on my contact details for them to get in touch with me, I would love to be in touch with them and they are now organising funeral but they don’t get in touch and it’s now 4 days hopefully they are going to at some point of course I kept his personal things also for them, it was a 4 year relationship one I never expected I have been on my own for years and my son is grown up it was so special was so happy such an amazing kind man who understood me it all felt very strong for both of us and he was going to come and live with me I just can’t believe he has gone we were so close
4 Likes
I understand that feeling all to well just remember you are not alone I still have very dark days very dark but my friends get me through especially my dog no one really knows how bad its been for me we here on this site know what you are feeling and support each other
3 Likes
Well more days have passed and no contact from the family although the coroner was so kind to give me the details of the funeral director and that a niece is arranging it and he will be cremated in Scotland, I have contacted funeral director but they put it back to contacting family and they don’t. At first I felt determined to go if I could find a way, we were so close for the last 4 years of his life, but I had a kind of revelation, over the weekend , that I would completely let go of that. The family have not been in contact with him for years and it took weeks to trace them by the coroner meanwhile I dealt with everything, but if they do not want to meet me or for me to be there when I have sent friendly messages through the coroner that I would like to and I have kept his personal things safe, then I will respect their wishes. Allan is not in that box, in fact I sometimes feel his presence as long as I know the time and the day I can have my own quiet thoughts at home, I can send some flowers hopefully and maybe it will be better this way especially to avoid any drama long post but this is me having a mind shift around not being able to attend Allans funeral take care all x
4 Likes