H Barb11, Sorry for your loss. Yep, im the same, I have loads of old vhs holiday video with my lovely on them. Ive transferred a few clips onto my phone, One of which shes in a caravan kitchen, looking round at me asking if i wanted a cup of tea? with her thumb up. Even now i respond with a yes! It does make you feel good, and not so far away from them…take care…J
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Hi John
I’m so sad to hear that 4 +years on after losing your dear wife that you are feeling worse but at the same time I can understand how you feel.
It’s 18months since I suddenly lost my darling husband of 38 years, I woke up to find he had a massive fatal embolism and was gone with his arm still around me.
That moment will haunt me for the rest of my life.
He was so fit and healthy, the shock just left me numb, I still can’t accept that he has really gone forever, I still expect him to walk back in with his arms open for a cuddle like he always did
When you say it’s like a door to your life was slammed shut, I totally understand that.and yes I too feel that grief is never ending.
Like you my darling husband is the love of my life and always will be.
People say about time healing etc etc, but I keep asking myself when you’ve spent your whole adult life with someone you loved with all your heart how can any amount of time make the pain of losing them any better.
As time goes on I find I do a lot of pretending that I’m ok for other people but the tears still flow every day.
Yes as you say never ending
Take care and a hug
Christine xx
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Hi Christine. If someone asked me to post how I’m feeling, I would have written a carbon copy of your posting. Only those people who have lost a spouse can understand the depth of pain we endure each day.
Barbara 
Hi Christine and Barbara. I’m so sorry we are all in this predicament and sympathize. No the grieving Will never stop, and to be honest I’d feel upset if it ever did stop! As long as there’s grief, there’s deep love, which means it will remain until my dying breath. Come the Day, I believe we’ll meet our loved ones again. Only on that day grief ceases to be, broken hearts a mended. …take care…J
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Hi Barb
I hope that you are feeling a little better today
Yes we are all trying to pick our way through similar mine fields.
My release is walking I walk for miles and anytime I feel like a cry, with no one around I can just sit on a rock and do so
In doors I just don’t know what to do with myself, the house is so empty and quiet.
Only problem with going out is the coming back I sit in the garden or car for ages putting off going inside… No lovely hubby waiting to give me a cuddle when ever I go in.
It’s so hard to stop thinking what would my darling husband and I be doing right now, he retired early so there was always some new adventure on the horizon
I wish there was an off switch to thinking as I’m sure do we all.
Will close for now, take care and a big hug
Christine xx
Hi John
I hope you are right and we do join the love of our lives some day.
The big question is how do we survive till then
Take care
Christine
I wish we were neighbors! I think we are soulmates. Our feelings and emotions mirror each other…. …although that could be said of most of our “club” members. Anyway, I’m joining the step-children for a bar-b-que today. At least it’s something to do. It’s the return home to my empty house that always spoils the day.
Hugs Barbara.
Yes Barb it would be lovely to be neighbours.
To have a friend near by to talk to or just go for a walk and listen to one another knowing that we truly understands how one another feels is something we all grave.
But there lies the double edge sword… To truly understand one another we need to both have lost the love of our lives and we would never wish this heartache and misery on anyone.
I guess that’s where this forum comes into its own
I’ve often thought about asking if there is anyone in the forum in my area but don’t know if we are allowed to do that.
Nice thought anyhow
I hope that you get a bit of distraction from your family barbie…
As we’ve said it’s sad that the down side is the coming back to the empty house.
There is no answer to that sadly.
Take care and chat again soon
Christine xx
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Hi John. Thanks for responding. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be with our loved ones again. I guess that would define “heaven”.
Hugs Barbara
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Hugs
Barbara
I’m just 6 months down this horrible journey. Today is Sunday I feel so much pain missing her terribly. Like you all of a sudden joy and happiness, adventures, travel, everything so dear to us stopped and becomes out of reach forever. We were so in love we congratulated ourselves that we’ve found true love in our lives often. We were inseparable. We were best friends so I didn’t bother to make new ones for years and I hate to force myself to talk to people now but seems I have to or I may go insane. It’s so so cruel.
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I am so very sad for you
Everyone on this forum understands how you feel
As you say we are all on this tragic journey that we could never have possibly imagined.
Losing the love of our lives is like having your heart ripped out.
Like you my darling husband and I were so happy just being together, we worked together and played together.
We were very sociable but always together and like you happy in our own company.
His favorite saying was… If you are happy sweetheart then so am I…
So I totally understand your heartache and loneliness, although it’s deeper than loneliness isn’t it, it’s like a physical pain in your heart.
You didn’t say how long you were together, not that this makes any difference to your pain
My darling hubby and I were together 38 wonderful years
It was love at first sight and every single day since.
It’s been 18 months since he was so suddenly stollen from me can’t think of any other word for it
I wish I had some words of comfort for you.
I read a lot of post before doing my first post, what I find is that it helps to know that there are people here who know exactly how we are feeling and truly understand the indescribable pain that We are not alone or going mad
I hope that you will find the same
Everyone in this group that none of us want to be in are very kind and supportive
You can say exactly how you are feeling, no matter how bad without judgement
My heart goes out to you
Take care and a big hug
Christine xx
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Have you thought about doing some voluntary work for company, also there is Silverline which has briefrienders you could talk too
If only it were that simple
Good advice for those who simply crave company though
Take care
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we’ve been together for 32 years, childhood sweethearts, my first love.
Stolen is the right word. She’s just 50. We should have many more years ahead. We’ve planned early retirement in 2022. We’ve finished all the paperwork. We were ready to have some time for ourselves. It is stolen from us. Through our lives we’d done what decent people should do we don’t deserve to end up like this. I’m sure you would feel that it’s so unfair.
Thanks for your kind words. Take care.
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I’m so sorry for your loss it’s devastating. I’m 4 months on from my wife’s passing. We we’re married for 38 years and together 41 years. Everything you have said is the same for me. She was the love of my life and my best friend. We retired early to do all the things we had planned and dreamed about. That’s all gone. Ive spent the weekend with my daughters and grandchildren. I love them to bits and would do anything for them. But all weekend all I could see was the empty chair where my wife should be.
We need to keep posting on here and not bottle it up. This site helps me so much, knowing we’re all in the same boat and we all understand what we’re going through.
Take care and hopefully one day things might get a bit easier.
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Yes life can be very unfair and cruel
As you say hopes and dreams have been shattered
We were fortunate that we were able to retire early a number of years ago to indulge in our shared passion of Scuba diving
So I understand totally how robbed you feel.
You’d planned your future together, I’ve gone over the what ifs and whys a million times
I wish I had an answer for you.
It’s a case of one day at a time, and don’t let yourself get pushed into doing anything you are not comfortable with.
People mean well but unless they too have lost the love of their life they can’t possibly understand.
Day to day I just hope that one day I will find myself again because that’s the person my darling husband knew and loved
I wish the same for you
Take care and a hug
Christine xx
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Don’t get me wrong, I lost my Mother in May and I miss her terribly, it is very hard.
Dear Barbara
Just thought I’d ckeck in.
The sun is still shining up here in Scotland so been going for long walks.
Yesterday I was on my walk and the tears started as so often happens, so I just sat on the ground and had a good cry
I looked up and there was a deer just standing there looking at me with beautiful big dark eyes , he was so close I could have touched him it was as if he was trying to comfort me.
He then just started nibbling the Heather all around me.
I felt quite honoured that he came to me in my sadness.
Eventually he wandered of up the hillside looking back at me from time to time.
A truly lovely experience, reminded me of when I was a little girl and my dad used to take me to feed the deer.
I hope that your barbique went ok for you, these things are hard without our darling husbands by our sides
Everytime I go anywhere I always feel like I have a spare hand where his should be.
When I go for a walk in the evening I ware his jacket so that I can feel him all around me.
Will close for now take care
Christine xx
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Hi Christine. That’s an amazing experience with the deer. Even the animal kingdom can sense our pain. How kind of you to think of me. I went to the barbecue, had something to eat, stayed a while and then went home. Opened my front door and had a good cry. I notice you sign in as Cjs - I sign in with Ljs (my husband’s initials). Interesting 