And by the way, my sister’s name is Christine!
Barbara
Hi Barbara
Yes I’ve often thought that animals can be more intuitive than human beings.
It was a special moment.
I well understand your tears on returning home.
Don’t know which is worse the feeling of being alone at gatherings or the intense loneliness of returning to an empty house.
I notice that the evenings are starting to draw in already, it’s dark up here by 8.30 so no long walks to pass away the evenings now.
Yes initials quite a coinsedence
Take care and chat soon
Christine xx
I know exactly where you’re coming from John. My husband died nearly 3 years ago from 2 aggressive cancers and I held up throughout, hospitals caring for him at home and finally the hospice…
Thought I would be able to cope after but how wrong I was. Like you I started to do my hobbies again, gardening, painting etc. it didn’t work sadly as Pete not there to come and see what I’d done usually bringing a cuppa with him.
I am fortunate that our two grown up children are very supportive but I do have to put a brave face on when they visit.
I also had arthritic knees and had 2 full replacements done in one go 5 months after the funeral. When the surgeon offered it I said yes as I didn’t think the physical pain could be as bad as the mental pain, how right I was. So now I can at least walk upright but he’s not there to walk with…Sorry if this sounds to familiar but I just wanted you to know that I feel the same as I’m sure many more do as well. Take care.
Hello Kingfisher, just seen your post. So sorry for what you have been through. Makes you wonder what on earth we have done to deserve all this pain.
My lovely also had both knees and hips replaced just before she was diagnosed with MND. I expect you were the same, a few years of constant caring, hospitals, doctors, ect, and all the heartbreak until the end. It really took it out of me as i expect it did you.
We have wounds to our hearts that will remain as scars for the rest of days.
All we can do, is live the life we have left as best we can, until the day we meet up with our loved ones once again.
Take care…J
Dear Barbra
Just checking in, I hope that you are well.
Still lovely up here in the Highlands had a couple of days of rain but sun shining again today.
Although getting a bit Autumnal in the evening now
Saw the stag again on my walk today, he wandered passed, stopping to have a look at me then went on his way.
Wasn’t crying today so I quess he thought that I didn’t need his company.
I hope that you are managing to find a way to pass your day I know how the days drag without our darling husbands
Take care and chat again soon
Christine xx
Hi Christine. How lovely to hear from you. Your walk around sounded idyllic and serene. Just what we need these days. A day without tears is a major step forward isn’t it? I’ve had 2 actually. I expect some difficult days ahead though as I’m approaching one year in a few weeks. I’ll get through it. I’m about to take a walk myself in a few minutes. The sun is glorious today here in Phoenix. Please stay in touch. 
Barbara
Hi Barbara
Just thought I’d check in on you to see how you are.fairing…better than me I hope.
Well …time moves on, but I don’t.
Im still trying to accept that my darling husband has really gone forever I ,keep hoping I’ll wake up one day and feel his arms around me and its all just been a horrible dream.
Ive been labelled with having…complicated grief…So .looked it up and I do fit the so called profile…but what good is that.
I wasn’t keen on going down the medical route but due to family pressure Ive had numerous talks with a psychologist…to no avail…apart from the label.
I understand the theory of what he had to say,coping mechanisms etc etc… hasn’t helped… theory is one thing…real life is another. He hasn’t been in my position so rightly or wrongly I felt that he could not really understand how I feel.
Maybe thats unfair, and psychotherapy just wasn’t for me.
Since then Ive just become good at pretending that I’m doing ok for the sake of others because that’s what they want to hear.
Its a case of smiling on the outside and screaming on the inside.
I’m fortunate that I do have a good friend who does understand and I can be truthful with…
Its 2 year’s now and another wedding anniversary has just gone bye and the pain in my heart just gets worse.
Its all the little special things that Was just between the two of you that hurts the most isnt it…the cuddle just when you needed it,the squeeze of the hand as we walked along and a million other little things that noone else even noticed.
I try to keep my days occupied and I walk for miles to try and tire myself out so that I can sleep otherwise I lie awake just waiting for morning.
I wish I knew how to feel better but I haven’t a clue
Well I Barbara on that note…I really hope that you are doing better
Take care and a hug
Christine xx
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