New relationships following losing partner

It has been nearly 5 months since my lost my partner and I now find myself at a juncture that I was not quite expecting this early. I have kept in touch with one of his friends and been out a few times The friend has recently admitted to me that he feels a bit of a spark between us and that when we are both ready we could get to know each other on a deeper level . He emphasised talking it slow and not rushing in any way. . he feels his feelings towards me may be disrespectful towards his friend (my fiance), and wanted some time to go and process this.

I must admit to having feelings towards the friend and also initially struggled with how quickly I have felt like that. I do know that my fiancé would have wanted me to find happiness again and I would have his blessing as He told me that several years ago that if he were to go first that’s what he would have wanted.
Any advice on how to navigate this with sensitivity and respect to all involved, thank you x

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Everyone has different time lines on dealing with it and there’s no right or wrong answer.

I would say just be careful - 5 months is still very early and grief comes in waves, it’s not a straight line trajectory. Also you’re vulnerable and looking for something to make sense of the world.

We all know about rebound relationships - this is a rebound with a potentially heavy psychological toll and guilt associated with it, if you’re not 100% ready

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I’m nearly 10 month in, personally I couldn’t even think of anyone that way but that’s me. But I miss having someone to talk to, laugh with and to snuggle with. Is it the loneliness that’s drawing you to him or are you trying to fill that hole in your world?
I would keep being friends for a while see how you go.

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I tend to agree with @MemoriesOfUs…it is still very early days for you and your grief may be suppressed. Not sure if you lost your partner suddenly or had time together before he died and manage to have that chat and started grieving months before he died.
Do you think that you will have 2 people in this relationship…your late partner and your new partner. Do you think that you are still in denial…It is your decision at the end of the day but be prepared for lots of roller coasters with massive waves. Take care xx

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That’s great advice @MemoriesOfUs @Sah28 @Hazel.1966

He has emphasised it is when we are ready, so it not like it has to happen straight away. That’s what he means by taking it slowly, almost staying friends get to know one another more but in a slow way. He made it clear this is not a timetabled event

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Hiya. I would go for it! He sounds like a good bloke and you only have the one life. Be very aware of your own needs and feelings and if, at any point, it starts to feel wrong then end it. I absolutely understand that everyone is different and some would never dream of a new relationship but we must never fall into the trap of trying to meet the expectations of others. We wouldn’t have chosen this place that we find ourselves in and we must do the best we possibly can to make our lives the best they can possibly be. I miss Alan like crazy and there will never be another like him but I would love to have a new relationship. It won’t be the same but that doesn’t mean it won’t be brilliant in a different way. Good luck x

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Thank you. @Arvia another great perspective and looking at it. Whomever I am with next that person will never be a replacement for my fiancé though any new relationship would be seperate. The friend is well know to me and it’s not as though I only just met a stranger on an app

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Just take it slowly because there will be a lot of emotions going on … its flattering though isnt it when someone likes you ? But not everything is straight forward so just take your time with it … i think we are still vulnerable … i know i am even 14 months into this, especially with a potential relationship but theres no timeline … xx

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It gets me a bit when people say youre on the rebound because whenenever or whoevever we might meet its gonna be a next relationship isnt it ? Because otherwise you would never have one if we kept saying well youre on the rebound ! Do you mean just jumping in quickly ? Because i agree with that - you cant really after losing your partner because theres so many emotions going on … and taking it slow is the key i think x

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I dont think there is any difference a death, divorce or breakup, if you have been together a long time, if you want to start another relationship, why not. i personnally wouldnt want another one only because i am too set in my ways after 48 yrs, dont want another man in my house.
i think about my husband a lot but the crying etc finished over a yr ago and i have got on with my life without him after the initial events 2 yrs ago, cant bring him back.
so if you have a chance at happiness again go for it, slowly and good luck to you

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Totally agree with that @SueF1 if it makes you happy - go for it, but slowly probably as in @KMS case because her bereavment is fairly recent … there will be a lot of emotions to deal with still i suspect . xx

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@Deb5 yeah rebound is a bit of loose undefined term

Agree, a rebound relationship is any relationship where you weren’t fully over the previous relationship, imo

Years ago I came out of a 2 year relationship and jumped into another relationship a couple of months later and was no where near over my ex. That was just unfair to that person.
If you’re still thinking about them all the time or, in this day and age, checking what their up to on Facebook etc, you’re not ready

Losing a partner like we have, I don’t know. Think that’s a different beast entirely.

With an ex, the relationship ran it’s course, whether you wanted it to or not, and came to an end organically.
When you lose your partner, it’s an unnatural end - the relationship wasn’t over.

I don’t know if I’ll be ever be ready - certainly doesn’t feel like it.
Each of us have to figure out how to manoeuvre life, going forward, best we can

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@KMS everyone is different. And so is everyone’s grieving process.

I have a friend whose wife died and within 6 months he was on dating websites because he didn’t like living alone. Our group of friends, and I would include myself in that, were horrified. But having now lost my husband I see what he means.

I would take it slow and steady, but if it brings you happiness in these dark days, go for it.

Take care and try not to worry about other peoples opinions. I know that’s hard.

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@KMS , it’s good you have a friend , that is helping you with this grief, but I think he should of actually not said anything about a (spark)between you not yet anyway, no matter how slow you take it , its out there now and can never be changed, it would be more heartbreaking for you if you tried a relationship and it didnt work with this man , you might lose a good friend as well. The loneliness you feel when your partner dies is horrendous. Your mind is all over the place and you are so vulnerable .sorry but these are just my thoughts . It’s over two years since my husband died and I’m still not doing very well. It’s your decision at the end of the day . Only you know how you really feel xtake care x

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Yeh when youre a widow youre not on the rebound though are you - the end has happened whether you liked it or not …so you cant really say youre on the rebound . Youre just finding a new relationship, however that happens x

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I lost my husband suddenly. He was 59. He had cancer and there was nothing that could be done. It was devastating and absolutely the worst time of my life.

Seven months on I met someone new. I beat myself up thinking it was too soon. But my friends and family supported me.
My new partner is very supportive of my journey and we often talk about my husband.

I could never replace my husband. But you only get one chance at life and happiness. Moving on is not forgetting, it’s simply the next chapter in the book of my life. Nobody can write it but me.

It’s two years this week since his passing. I’m still very much with my new partner. His family have accepted me in his life.

I cannot see my life now without my partner. We have now both retired and spend our time travelling and going to see live music. Life will be different but can be good again you can be happy again.

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Yeh i agree. At beginning i remember talking to this lady who had lost her husband and she said you might meet someone new who will help you on your path. I was horrified because couldnt imagine my life with anybody else but my husband. But now 14 months on i can see it as a possibility because it helps you in your life now doesnt it … and i know my husband would want me to be happy. We all deserve happiness dont we … life isnt a dress rehearsal, its here and now xx

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@Broken2222 I did wonder whether it was a bit early for him to mention.

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Thank you everyone for your perspectives on this matter. He wanted time to go away and think about things (as I am too] but gave me no boundaries. So I am not sure whether to call or text in meantime. Xx

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@KMS
I understand your looking for advice but only you know what’s best for you…but as a few of the other peeps on here have said…
Emotions change we journey through grief
The first few months after losing my partner I binge watched relationship programs I was looking for the love that I had lost and craved 8 months on and I realised I’m not ready… I can’t imagine ever feeling the same about anyone else my partner was my best friend and soul mate… but we all need love in our lives so who knows…I do remember being very judgmental though when my mum died and my step dad found a new lady I felt he rushed into it… but after time and I saw how happy he became I thought good for him making the most of life… he got married and sadly passed away on the way to his honeymoon… but he was happy for two years again… we only have one life.

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