Do whatever you think is right ? Nothing wrong with texting is there if you want. Its hard to gage these things isnt it ? Just take it slowly … that’s my advice x
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I agree I’m with you yes life goes on but my angel has been gone 7 months now still fresh for me I went out yesterday and had food where we use to go and he DJ wasn’t the same I even watch don’t tell the bride etc and get upset knowing I’ll never be married we came so close I’ve never been married never will my dedication to my fiancé my choice I can never replace or even think of loving anyone else especially so soon my grief is too strong but most people do for comfort companion not for me but whoever does and succeeds enjoy as only get one life x
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Hi , if it feels right go for it I say , as we all know life is short whatever you decided good luck to you x
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Hello everyone. Thanks you for all the support and words of wisdom you offered me following my initial post. The man has come back to me since and said after giving it a great deal of though he feels he has worked hard to get to where he is and does not fully feel he has the space needed for a relationship in his life. He did go into detail why so I am not sure this is the ‘saving face quick brush off type’
I know this question is not specifically about my bereavement so please do not feel obliged to respond but this has left me with burning questions in top of every thing else so if anyone would like to offer a perspective It would be great.
Someone can turn choose to turn you down and the reasons given will be either the total and whole truth or of the ‘i don’t want a relationship right now but what I really I mean is I am not into you’ but have not got the guts to be honest’ type
The issue here is that it was him that put it out there first re there being a spark and let’s take things slowly. I don’t think he would have said that if he did not mean it at the time so I am thinking that the reasons given are more likely genuine than of the face saving type.
The reason I am asking is that he has given me some hope that he might feel different in the future, but I don’t know this is false hope to save face or real so I am looking to see how honest he was in his original reasons for not going into a relationship (albeit slowly) to give me a clue.
Thank you in advance x
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For goodness sakes … ! Oh i will PM you … xxx
He probably came to the conclusion that it is way too soon and you’re not in the right place to pursue a relationship.
I really don’t think he should have brought it up in first place if he hadn’t thought through it yet - it created an expectation at a time when you’re vulnerable and looking for something to hold on to.
Only you know if you’re ready to truly start a new relationship.
If you’re using the hope and idea of the relationship to deal with your grief, or as a gateway not to deal with it, imo, it’s going to end in tears.
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Maybe he got scared and realised he wasn’t ready and didn’t want to spoil a friendship or maybe he felt guilt making a move on his best friend partner. I do wonder if you yourself were ready for a new relationship….time will tell. Look after yourself and take care Xx
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Thanks @Hazel.1966 More likely the former than the latter. I did feel I had to reiterate that i was not in a rush and that’s where things changed and he went back to we can be friends and see how things work out. I think he went away with the feeling I wanted this quicker than I do (although I did say it would need to be slow xx
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I’m so sorry for the way he has left you thinking . It’s really not nice especially, when you are grieving and at your most vulnerable . I really don’t know why people can’t just be friends and let nature take it’s course . Instead of having to sort of put a label on a relationship. I do hope you can still be friends with him and he can still support you with your grief . I’m sure you will know we need all the support we can get , xtake carex
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@Broken2222 thank you. It’s strange you say about labels.
When he was telling me has was not ready I got the impression he thought i was . When I reiterated that I did want to take it very slowly it was then that he went back to the ‘let’s be friends and see how this goes’ xx
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I have just read your posts all the way back five days up to now and I can tell you one thing ! I think you have handled this whole scenario in a very level headed and admirable way. I think your request for other peoples views and your response to those views has been spot on. I have a very strong feeling that if and when something happens either with this guy or someone else you are well set for dealing with it … even if it ends the way this seems to have.
I know it’s left you with questions,doubts,maybe hurt feelings but those emotions will come anyway when you enter into a new and different relationship. The beauty of your posts tells me that whatever comes at you,however tough it will be emotionally in the early stages of a new relationship you are going to be okay.
The main point of the whole discussion with opinions from everyone is that we are all different and no one thing suits everyone,when the time is right I think we will be reading a post from you saying “guess what,” xxx
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Yeh i think its really mean to build a widow up and then to let her down … giving her false hope ! Theres some mean people about i know that much in my new status as a bliming widow which i hate ! And also i think people take advantage of the fact youre vulnerable … i think thats a very poor reflection of society tbh … very sad , very poor 
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This is why I have no intentions of finding another love again people deal with grief differently I lost my love nearly 8 months ago I have no intention of meeting anyone else I have male friends and other friends plus my daughters no one will ever replace my angel I’ll continue to wear my
Engagement ring and his memory ring till I meet him again he was only 51 and went way too soon my grief is still raw but everyone needs somebody in their life even if it’s friendship or companionship etc just not for me I’m stubborn lol x
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Well theres nothing wrong with wanting a new relationship its just a shame theres some plonkers about if you ask me !! Lol … xx i guess i was lucky … i had a good, solid husband. He would never have let me down or messed me about ;( its just sad i had to lose that… its sad we all had to lose a good relationship …disillusioned with the world today xx
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I would agree with you…. Why wait, it’s not going to change anything… it’s your life do what feels right, I think you are so very lucky to have a friend who knew you both…. He sounds very respectful of you…. Don’t miss any chances that could bring you happiness again…. Good luck x
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Do you think he sounds respectful ? Im not so sure ? I think some men are very complicated and you really dont know what is in their head ? Its very confusing … i hope it goes ok for KMS but maybe its just me but i lost faith in humanity today… ;( i think more you find out less you know … x
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Thank you so much to everyone for your ongoing support, especially given that this is not directly about my loss of my fiancé, and more importantly as you are going through your own journeys. Much love to you all xx
I think I have decided what I am doing but want to sleep on it. Whilst the guy has hinted there might be a chance in the future it is usually my experience that these things don’t turn out. Therefore I think I am going to keep as a friend.
Quite a few of you brought up the issue that as there was a later reluctance to advance something between us because of emotional issues then really he should not have put his spark cards on the table in the first place, He should have thought this through before hand. Part of me wishes to bring this up gently with him. But I am not sure as it could come across as criticism if it is not done right and might out him off approaching me again if he were to ever be in an emotional position to try again.
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Mmmm …mm he should have thought about it before he mentioned the spark dont you think ? But yeh best to keep as friends isnt it ? X
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