New Year without my husband

My birthday is tomorrow, New Year’s Eve and every year for the past 20 years or more we’ve soent my birthday at the same hotel in Blackpool, we’ve made lots of friends along the way, some even travelled to pay their respects at his funeral, 7 months ago today. I’ve had a good few tearful reunions, then more tears flowed when other friends found out Alan was not by my side, I am now on the room we always have, totally heartbroken and trying to regain some composure to meet our friends for a pre dinner drink. I know he’s here at my side and supporting me I spirit, but I yearn for him to be by my side in the physical. I told my daughter that if I can’t cope here, it’s not too far to drive home, at present, whilst this is very tempting, legally I cannot. Our well meaning friends have joined me in several.alcoholic drinks, so for tonight at least I remain here. We’re all seated together for our dinner and we all sit together for the cabaret entertainment. But I am still on my own. All I want is for Alan to be here with me, I know this isn’t possible and it’s tearing me apart.

My heart really does goes out to you at such a heartbreaking time. You have already shown such immense courage to keep up the tradition that you enjoyed every year with your husband, I don’t think I could have done that. Though you’re heartbroken you are showing enormous strength and I imagine that’s because you think your husband would want you to be carrying on he would be proud of you. It’s good that you have some old friends to be with but don’t force yourself to be present all the time , just join in with the bits you want to and spend time on your own in your room if you feel like escaping the throng for a while.
Your birthday and New Year will never be the same again but I hope you find some peace to help you through.
Thinking of you xx

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Hi be very proud of your mental strength Day at a Time for going and being part of it,certainly not easy to do,your friends sound supportive,and it must be very emotional and I know we only want our husband’s to be there with us wherever we are,well done you for being the best you can in this situation,gives me hope when I have to do the same x

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My wonderful husband, soulmate and best friend died very suddenly on 22nd November 2018 and I’m so lost without him. I’m not sleeping right, not eating right and don’t how I’m going to cope with New Year’s Eve tomorrow. I just want him back with me so I can can hug him, kiss him and just be able to talk to him. Life will never be the same again

Angie, like you I am awake,(actually only just gone to bed) at this unearthly hour. I can really feel the depth of your sorrow and longing for your husband I wish I had some comfort for you. I don’t know how any of us are going to go into a new year leaving our dearest loved ones behind in the old year. It seems like a final breaking point between one life and another when a line is crossed . I still feel with him in this year but he will never be a part of the next in reality. I shake just thinking about it. We might gain some strength knowing we are all together in our grief. I hope so. xx

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Lost my partner suddenly in May he was only 48. Not sleeping well because of the build up to new year. Told myself it’s just another day I have 2 boys but I feel so alone . It’s still very raw for you we all understand your sadness.
Take care
Christine x

It would of been 27 years ago today that I met James. We met at a new years eve party just seen on the news other countries celebrating new year just burst into tears.

I don’t know if this helps anyone. I feel the agony of loss and going into the new year without him for the first time. There is no time scale. I am three months in and very raw. But when two people love each other so much for so long it is almost inevitable that one will go first. My husband suffered so much for 18 months and I take a small comfort that I was able to see him through to the end. He had dementia but knew me in one way that was good in another very hard as he begged me daily to take him home which was impossible as he was high dependency nursing. If one of us had to go first then I had the honour of caring for him loving him and seeing him through to the end. It’s a way of looking at what was and is a desperate time.

Hi Dido, your post fits so much with my thoughts and feelings. I would do it all again in a heartbeat. Being there to care and love someone through illness, until the time comes when they don’t have the strength to continue on, is an honour.
I am thinking of you today and I hope the memories coming to mind are of your lives together, in all those years of happier times. Stronger together, kind wishes, xx

This is pretty much how I feel. Four years ago my wife was diagnosed with stage 4 brain tumour and given approximately 12 months. I remember how Traumatic that was at the time and I decided to give up all my hobbies and interests and just be with her to catch her when she fell. Although I told her we could do whatever she wanted at whatever cost her bucket list was very short… kids and grandkids. I worked hard to persuade her to have hotel/cottage breaks but I think she just went along with that. It was too dangerous to fly so we stayed in the UK.
I glad to say she lived for four years and I feel privileged to have been there for her. She had to surrender her driving licence so I became chauffer, cook, carer and anything else I could. I felt it was a good way to show how much I love her and I think she could feel that. It was difficult towards the end of her life but I would have had it different. She managed to return home after time in hospital and hospice and I spent every minute with her for the final three weeks. I played her favourite music and held her hand as she died. I miss her so much and I feel such pain but I’m so glad that I was there for her and that she knew it.

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Thank you so much for sharing YorkshireLad. The everlasting love between you and your wife, just shines out from your post. I’d like to think that’s how others would see the life we shared. I had the unenviable task of surrendering my husband’s driving licence (acquired brain injury)…couldn’t say here what he thought of that. I know for sure that in his beautiful heart, his love for me remained unaltered, as I stayed by his side, right up to the moment he took his last breath. So much to remember, whilst trying to forget…if that makes sense, x

Hi Dido,
Thinking of you again today and hoping for some lighter moments for you, throughout your day. I’ve been very tearful since the early hours as it’s my husband’s second birthday away from me, his loving Mam & Dad, his devoted sister and the home we shared so contentedly.

Dear Sheila…lovely lady…you are I’m my thoughts this morning as this Beatles song plays through, in my mind, over and over…

If I’d been out till quarter to three
Would you lock the door
Will you still need me, will you still feed me
When I’m sixty-four

He would have been 64 today…I’d have a moment of happiness if he could know much I love him, on his special day.

For everyone, xxxx

It’s a beautiful song and reminded me that I loved and looked after him and fought for all his needs until the end even though the nursing care had to be given by others and even though he didn’t know why things were happening to him and why I couldn’t live in the nursing home too. I know he knew I loved him somehow.

Dido,
Love for 41 years will certainly have endured the last few years, despite your husband being unwell and unable to continue to live at home. Walking alongside our husbands on their pathway towards end of their life, has taken great strength…being there for them no matter where or what. I am certain our love continued to touch their hearts and their love surrounds us now…thanks Dido, xx

Thank you for your beautiful and comforting reply Rainbow

Came home today from the new year break both Alan and I took every year, at first felt ok, then began to feel the stillness of the house, getting the case from the car and taking upstairs, turning the water back on, sorting the boiler out etc, all the things Alan always did. Started to feel the emptiness and isolation again, feeling the beginning of the new year creating further distance between Alan’s passing and today and at the same time the overwhelming feeling of everything just happening all over again. I just stood in the middle if the kitchen and sobbed my heart out. The raw emotions feel all to fresh once again. The thought of facing the coming year alone without him is too much to bear. X

It is much too much, to think about the coming year…looking after the minutes or hours helps me. Maybe you managed to get to bed and have had some sleep…I do hope so and that it helps as you get used to being home with your daily routines. I’m thinking of you, look after yourself today…kind wishes, x

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Thank you so much, had a major meltdown today, really felt I was back in May the day he passed away, was able yo book a last minute appointment with my counsellor, she comes to my home, seen her 3 times now, she’s helped me a lot, especially this evening, doesn’t take away the pain, but helps me to calm myself a little ☆

You’ve had a tough week, so pleased you were able to arrange helpful support, last night. I hope Ada & Winston are good company for you today. I understand how hard it must be with the added pressure of your work…you have made your decision though and you’re working towards it, just as your profile name says! Look after yourself, x

I knew it was going to be hard this week, but didn’t realise the full impact. Feel it’s become an even harder struggle to cope with. I’m trying to be kind to Winston and Ada, they are not being naughty any more than usual, their playtimes are not more boisterous than usual, it is my patience with them that is shot to pieces and I have to keep remembering this. My daughter arrived with Winston this morning, I was still in bed, been waking up every hour through the night, weaning myself off tramadol is proving a real nightmare on top of everything. I was prescribed it when I had my second total knee replacement surgery 12 months ago, had complications which extended my use of the med, been trying to come off it for a couple of months now, it us a long process, nearly buckled and gave in during the night but resisted taking one, I’m Hopi g today I will be able to cope with just 2 single doses like yesterday. Time will tell. It doesn’t help does it when added pressures if every day life overshadow our grieving. I’ve realised that until you find yourself in this nightmare situation all of us on this site are experiencing, you cannot fully accept the intensity of the grief you feel for the loss of your husband/wife/partner. I know I’ve to get going with daily life yet still sit with the blinds closed ignoring phone calls and the doorbell. Only stepping outside to walk Winston and Ada with my eyes overflowing with sadness. Well that’s the feeling a I have this moment ☆ thsnk you Rainbow for your kind words and support ☆ it is very comforting ☆

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