New Year

This is a hard day for those of us entering our first new year without our loved partner( and for others too I’m sure). After the worst year of my life entering the next year just seems like a blank, unimaginable. Thinking of all in the same situation.

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My thoughts exactly. The days since Christmas have been dreadful leading up to this day, they have been the bleakest and most tearful since my lovely husband died just over five months ago. I didn’t want to spend this evening with anyone else, just on my own with him in mind.
I do not know how I can go into a new year without him and live a life that is so empty.
Loving thoughts with all of you tonight xx

I thought Christmas was lonely, but going into a new year less than 7weeks after loosing my husband is beyond words. Some friends and his family seem to be giving me a wide berth. Why? I have no idea. This is when it hits me that my life will never be the same again and they can seem to carry on. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t begrudge them coping with their grief the way they are doing but I feel even more lost and alone than ever. I know without doubt that Gerald would be appalled by his family’s attitude towards me. He was my life as I was his and I just want him back.

Thank you Sadone. Somehow we will do it and I know people say to me that he would have wanted me to get the most out of life again…which he would…but it’s very very hard . X

Thinking of you. I know all we want is to have our husbands back. I don’t know anything about your friends and family but life does carry on for other people and that can be very hard for those of us who haven’t got the life we had any more.

Hi all, I lost my lovely husband just over 4 weeks ago. We always enjoyed New Year’s Eve, and there have been lots of tears today. I am 52, both of my parents are still alive and been married for 54 years. Even they don’t understand what I am going through, and why should they. I feel so alone. My grown up children are fretting about leaving me at home whilst they go out, but to be honest I am happy to sit in and think about George. I have his ashes on the table next to me so I feel him near. However, I will go to bed and try to sleep before midnight. I hope you all have a peaceful evening xx

Hi Everyone,
I lost my husband in February 2018, and this is my first New Year alone too. I’m not going out - it’s the last thing on my mind - and am just staying home with my dogs and reflecting on the year just ending. I feel lost, alone, upset. It’s been a hard year trying to rebuild my life, but I have moved forward bit by bit. I know I’ll never fully recover from my loss. No matter where I go or what I do my Stewart is always with me. But i do hope that I’ll never have another year like this one, and that 2019 will be better. With hope and love, Tulabelle x

I thought I was coping but then I tried to put some of Gerald’s belongings away today and I just sat and sobbed. We never unpacked after moving and I hate being in the house on my own for too long. I need to get it straight so that I can sell it. I stay with either my brother or my sister. We had such plans when we were going to move. He died so suddenly we never got the chance to do anything. I don’t even feel that I have a home now. It was going to be a new chapter in our lives. All taken from me in a matter of weeks. Why does life have to be so cruel? I hope that all of us find some peace and strength to cope during this new year. xx

Hello Daphne,
I have asked myself many times why life is so cruel. I wish I knew the answer, if I did I would share it with everyone in this group. You are in an awful situation, having to sell your home while still grieving for your husband, and I am sorry that you have to sort out his things at this time. All of us in this group are dealing with our loss in different ways, and as such can offer you our own experiences of dealing with it. We are all here to support you during this most difficult of journeys, so please keep posting. With warm wishes Tulabelle x

Good Riddance 2018.

I hate you.

Hi Edwin,
How are things with you? This is a difficult time of year for those who been bereaved. I have felt it very acutely myself, particularly as it is mt first Christmas and New Year since my loss. I sincerely hope that 2019 is a better year for all us, and send you my warmest wishes Tulabelle x

Wishing everyone a peaceful nights sleep and lovely dreams xx

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Thank youTulabelle, it does give me some comfort that I can just ‘sound off’ knowing that people will understand and not judge me. xx

I feel empty inside lost not sure where to turn some days,crying all the time don’t want to be around people just deep in my thoughts. Don’t want to get out of bed some days Christmas was unbearable without my partner this year heading into a new year without him can’t seem to face it. Lost my partner one day then my my passed away two days later why is life so unfair

Hi Tinysmudge,
I’m sorry that you are feeling so much pain at this time. Loss of loved ones is very hard bear, especially at this time year. I think that in many ways, New Year is harder to bear than Christmas because everyone is making plans and resolutions, yet we feel that we have no future. If I can offer you a crumb of comfort, it is this. I lost my husband in February 2018. I don’t think i will ever fully recover from this, but after a while a little light started to shine in my soul and, in tiny, tiny steps, I started to move forward. I have setbacks during Christmas, and the days leading up to tonight, but i have managed to hold things together (with a lot of tears) with the support of good friends. I am still unsure whether I have a good future to look forward to, and I know that no one will ever replace my husband, but i know that there is bucketloads of empathy and support within this site - you just have to post to receive it. I hope that tomorrow is a better day for you. I hope your little light starts to flicker soon. And i send you my best wishes for a peaceful and happier year in 2019. Keep posting - we are here. Tulabelle xx

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I had my first birthday yesterday (31st) without Alan since I was 16. Thought I was holding it together, staying at our usual hotel for new year and my birthday as we have done so for over 20 years. I am here with our good friends who are all looking after me, thought I was holding it together until midnight and every one started to sing Auld Lang Sine, I broke doubt and sobbed my heart out. Couldn’t wish Any one a happy New year and didn’t want anyone wishing me the same. I’ve now entered a new year without Alan, can only bring into this new year my memories, I feel even more empty and lost than ever. 2018 I could look back to the first four months when he was still here with me, now it’s all memories. This hotel has a large number of really elderly guests, a couple of which are the most irritating beings you could ever wish to meet, and I feel angry, why was Alan taken and not them. Everything is so unfair and life is a savage.

I lost my husband on 22nd November 2018, he was my life my world, life is so cruel. He promised me he would never leave me and he has, I’m heart broken and so lost

I went to the pantomime yesterday with six grandchildren and three of my kids. It was really difficult to laugh and cry at the same time. We then all went on to a daughters to eat and in all that time, which totalled eight hours not once was my wife mentioned in my hearing. She would have been completely in her element yesterday and I was so sad that I was, and she wasn’t.
I decided I wasn’t going to mention her and cause any sadness. I know she would have been very annoyed with me had I done or said anything that caused any of her flock even the slightest pain or sadness.
It’s a dilemma that I struggle with.

Dear Tulabelle
This post from you made me feel a little better. The fact that you feel that you have moved forward whilst accepting that there won’t be a full recovery.
I feel as though I am standing still and that life is going on around me.
I read some of the posts on this forum and feel that for some ,there is no chink of light at the end of the tunnel. I need to believe that I can move forward.

Sounds like you are doing your best YorkshireLad and thats good enough,strange how our loved ones thoughts and ways determine our reactions still,we do things their way and how they would do it,we respect their ways and carry them on,the bond remains x

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