Well my grief companions we survived Xmas…but for me New Years Eve is a different level of heartbreak. For many of us our loved one’s were with us part of 2023 but 2024 we well and truly say farewell as we enter a first new year totally without them. I feel like I am in a time warp being transported from one world to another not really knowing where I am or who I am, all I know is they were with me and now I face it alone. It’s yet another goodbye and I know I will like many of you be overwhelmed with sadness. The acceptance will well and truly kick in and I will be dragged into 2024 with a lot of resistance but also of hope and rebirth as we get closer to spring where new life starts to unfold before our very eyes. The wonder of nature never ceased to amaze me. All the seeds that were planted and buried under the soil in darkness and the elements of harsh winter weather but they start to spring into life pushing through the heavy soil, heading towards the light and warmth in full bloom and colour bringing hope and joy. I sincerely hope we can all blossom and bloom next year in our own ways, slowly, surely and with strength and determination. We are part of nature and we too will survive . Just like trees, we will stand tall. Whatever you are all doing as we enter 2024 I wish you peace, good health and hope in your hearts
Love Lyn x
Hi @Sarlyn
Yes i agree.
2023 part was spent with our loved ones.
We saw new year in Australia visiting Fiji were he was born 3 months in total then i April went to Benidorm to see his 63 birthday. Then on 8th June taken suddenly unexpectedly no illness no notice.
This year has held a number of other instances another death of a friend and my poor mum who has dementia going into care home week before Christmas.
Testing my anxiety upsetting and loneliness.
Now as it comes to the end of 2023 and the start of 2024 without them in our lives it will not be easy but i will not let it get me down or at least i will give it a gooc try.
Take care
Lynne x
That’s exactly how I feel @Sarlyn ; a door will shut on the old year, and he’ll be on the other side of it, and I won’t be able to reach him. I’m dreading this far more than Christmas, because I’m just not ready to leave him behind, let alone move on. Friends keep talking about a ‘new start’, and building a different life, but I never wanted to start again, nor did any of us here.
They will never be left behind, they are with us always. Love never dies nor our memories, I feel my dear husband with me all of the time. He is in my heart and mind.
I totally agree with you all
Paul died 24 th July 2022
NYE was horrendous thinking he died last year
As you say the other side of the door
Well it’s soon 2024 double horrendous he died 2 years ago
How did that happen
Blank canvas 2024
We had a motorhome and always everything was planned weekends away etc as we entered a new year
Now I’m literally existing ……
This life is shit…… Miss Paul so so much every bone in my body aches
All I do is cry……
Sorry to be depressing
Hugs to all
Xx
I wish I did; I can’t feel his presence at all, only the absence of presence.
Beauriful words and i hope youre right , i hope we all get stronger and blossom and bloom,slowly and surely and youre right we are part of nature 
xx
Morning @Bess1
So sorry to hear you feel so upset.
For me 7 months on since my husband passed. I miss him every day as we spent 37 years together and 35 years married.
Last Christmas and new year we were in Australia for 3 months seeing daughter and family. That seems do far away we went on holiday for his 63 birthday in April and on 8th June he was gone no illness just suddenly and unexpectedly.
This Christmas i spent alone lit a candle cried and tried to remember 
our good times. This new year not sure what i want will be glad 2023 has ended because i have had a few other set backs but looking forward to 2024 without him is heartbreaking.
I will try to be strong to get through things like i always have on the surface looks like doing ok but underneath struggling. I sm waiting for councelling with Cruise but this will be in the new year.
I know i am not alone and i send you hugs and love 
.
Please try to find some peace in 2024 look after youself and we will get through these dark times.
Sometimes we just need to put our feelings into words so text talk to others and we will survive.
Life is short and we really do not know how much time each of us has left.
Take care
Lynne Xx
Morning Lynne
Thank you for your reply
Heartbreaking for all of us I’m just so upset
I can hear Paul saying
Come on Sylv you can do this it’s not your fault you are still here and I’m sadly not
My answer I’m trying…… but
Go to the churchyard just up the road our village many time a week ashes buried we have a headstone I talk and cry
I talk to him every single minute of every day
I’m having counselling with local charity Headlight’s ( google ) since 3/10/22
Life is so empty pointless and alone
You take care
Big hugs
Xx
Aw … so sorry ! Its so very hard i know ! A year in im still so sad too 
xx
People/friends have been trying to convince me to go to a New Years Eve party and when I try and explain why I probably can’t they tell me I need to. It’s just that last NYE I went up to our local micropub with Keef, he’d lost so much weight and looked like he was in his 90s not his 60s, it was the last time we went out together until he suddenly went into hospital in January never to come home. These last few days have been horrendous as I keep having flashbacks to this time last year. I know he would want me to be strong but sometimes the memories and feelings are just so overwhelming that I just want to stay indoors with my fluffy cats and cry. Hopefully once Spring starts to appear I will start to feel more positive, but at the moment I can’t really see any point to things. Sorry to be negative but it’s just so hard to look forward sometimes.
Hi @Guineapig65
Yes i know people think they are being kind inviting us out at new year but sometimes you have to do what you feel want to do and say no thank you maybe another time later.
Last Christmas and New year we were in Australia for 3 months with our daughter and family who have stayed there for 13 years. This year spent Christmas on my own and as we go to a new year 2024 i will want to spend on my own with memories and light a candle.
Take care
Sending hugs
Lynne Xx
Im same @Guineapig65 keep having flashbacks to around this time last year. He wss so very poorly ar end and it is si sad to think about it i dont wsnt to think sbout it as kts so sad but it keeps coming into my mind and it makes me so sad and i cry … i loved him so much … i still cant believe hes gone !
You do what YOU want on new years !! Im not doing anything but we never bothered with it much anyway ! Over rated if you ask me !! X
Morning everyone
I echo all your thoughts and feelings. I spent Christmas on my own and will do the same this weekend. Last year at this time we both had COVID for the first time and although we were poorly it was lovely to shut the world out and just snuggle up together and I remember how contented we were, even with the coughs and not being able to taste anything 
I can’t believe he’s gone and I hate facing the rest of my life on my own. I can’t believe I’m now a widow, it doesn’t seem real… Wishing all of you as much peace as you can find as we go through the next few days. Xx
@Guineapig65
Don’t let anyone put you under pressure, NYE is the hardest day of the year along with xmas when you have lost someone. It most certainly isn’t a time to be out partying. People are so insensitive and it appears to make them feel better that they are trying to be inclusive , probably grateful it isn’t them feeling so crap. Wouldn’t it be nice if people actually asked you what you would like to do? but then that wouldn’t fit in with their plans. I have made it clear I want to be left alone to be surrounded by the love that once was and always will be found here in my own home
Hi Bess, sending love and hugs to you, know what you mean re things, hope we can all move on next year and find new things to give back meaning to our life, look after yourself . I find I feel a little better after I have had a cry does anyone else find that?
Yep exactly same as you ! Cant believe im a widow either and a year in it is still all so surreal that i now live alone after 37 years living with the same person:( xx
The years (42) just seem to have flown by in the blink of an eye, but now every day drags by and I can’t motivate myself to do anything. I just sit and dwell on it all, and every Saturday I relive the whole nightmare again. I always hated Hogmanay, always thought it was a maudlin time of the year but it’s going to be really awful this year. I’ll feel as though he has moved further away from me. Thank goodness for this community of people who truly understand. Xx
Yep same ! Where did all those happy years go ? They flew by - youre right ! Its cos we were happy and so went fast ! As you say each day drags now and winter makes it worse cos hard to get out walking dog and the weather makes ypu fed up too … im staying in bed today xx
Apart from petrol and a few essentials I’ll just be barricading myself in today. I’m really undecided about work and whether to retire a couple of years early, if I do I think I’ll give a good home to a dog from a rescue centre. My brother has a gorgeous girl from our local centre, she was 7 months old and she’ll be 12 in February and we adore her. Because we both worked we couldn’t have one ourselves. But I think I need to have someone to care for and focus on. Xx