Thank you, I may pop out for a bit to our local micropub (it’s only 100 yards up the road!) but definitely no party. The people who run the pub have been so kind over the last few weeks and even, when they had a raffle on Boxing Day, kept back 3 little gifts just for me. I think I now am beginning to realise who cares and who wants to appear to care! Gail xx
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Nobody actually asked me what I wanted to do so think I will keep a low profile. These last few days have been really hard, particularly once my son went back home to Bournemouth. It’s almost as if some people, the extroverts and younger ones, assume that now it’s nearly a year since I lost Keef I should be feeling better!! Thank you Gail xx
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Flashbacks are so awful and nobody really around here understands, a lot of them seem to think I should be better! Keef would have had his 64th birthday at the end of November, then I had Christmas (which I wouldn’t have survived if it hadn’t have been for my son) and then next week, Monday 8th, it will be my birthday. I’m hoping I will start to feel better, if that’s possible, once the darkness of winter starts to go but I will cry and scream if I want to and people will have to put up with it! Take care Gail xx
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@Mist2 I’m the same. My lovely husband passed away on a Tuesday and now I hate Tuesdays and keep remembering that awful day. 50 years together. I even had to go to our local hospital where he died on a Tuesday at the same time ( I didn’t want to postpone the appointment as I had waited for a long time) and cried almost all the way through it. The nurses were so lovely and gave me lots of hugs. I’ve had to go back twice in the last couple of days and it always upsets me. I hate being tearful and crying at the least little thing. We never made much of new year so I will go to bed early. Best wishes for all of you in 2024 in this sad club. Ann x
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Dogs are such hood therapy honestly they are ! My little dog has helped me so much bless her xx
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@Bess1 and all of you,
I get you all, and understand completely the utter dread of a new year.
Like you Bess1 this is my second new year, I can’t believe that I have nearly lived a whole year without my soulmate and best best friend. It’s 494 days for me!!
I’ve got a link on my phone , How many days since August 24 2022?
Almost 500 days …sounds completely impossible and utterly horrible.
Last year I absolutely dreaded the new year, because I hated the thought of a year that Phil hadn’t lived in. It’s absolutely no different this year, dreading it … Thinking now I won’t even be able to say ‘I lost my husband last year’
And, all the time nothing changes for us … the grief, the loneliness, the missing as bad as ever. The rawness may have gone , but even that feeling has a habit of smacking you in the face when you’re not expecting it, … But the intenseness of my grief just gets deeper …
And it’s not helped by everyone else’s view (or hope for us) that we are ‘getting better’, and them assuming that the ‘second’ of all the anniversaries are easier for us.
Not so!
Love and hugs to you all, do what ever you need to do to get through, and be kind to yourselves. 
Ps dogs really are the best. We had two, Bichon Frises (one is now 9 years old and one 18 months) They are my little guardian angels in fluffy white coats. They save me without even knowing it.
I honestly don’t know what I would have done without them
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Yeh i.know how im gonna get through tomorrow night ! Im gonna drink a full bottle of prosecco 
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That sounds like a very good plan.
I might copy you 
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It definately is !!! Just bought some organic prosecco from aldi !! x
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Hi Cathphil
Your post could be me …. My thoughts my feelings except Paul died 24 th July 2022 tell me how many days is that for me
Last year a whole year without our soulmate and now a whole 2024
Beyond comprehension
I can only say I’m exsisting
Up on a morning
Bed at night
Utterly ‘lost’ inbetween
And yes Gail you certainly find your friends
As they say it sorts the men out from the boys
And ……. Yes why does folk after the first year think a miracle is going to happen and we will be ‘better’
Dream on ………. Folk have totally no idea
I’m struggling big time
Big hugs all round
Xx
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Hello darlin’
524 days for you 
I’m so sorry darlin’
It’s so bloody hard to keep going isn’t it, but somehow we do
Hugs
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379 days for me 
oh jeez … never thought i could live that long without him !! makes it worse really … why, why, why us ???;
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I know this sounds a bit weird but since my Jim passed on the 2nd March, whenever I see a couple the first thought I have is “one of you will die before the other and I am living the pain that you are going to have to go through one day”, not that I would wish this on my worst enemy but it is the only thought I have and that only then will people ever know what pain and heartbreak us people who have experienced it are going through. Sad but true
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Yeh it is true but i always feel fed up they got a partner when ours have gone and if i start talking to someone i dont know - i try not to say my husband died because then i would cry !! Xx
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That’s completely normal for us all…I had quite a frank conversation with a close friend of mine who is married and she was asking well how exactly do you feel and I said without filter …well imagine your husband suddenly dropping down dead and you are never going to see him, how do you think you would feel? She replied well sorry Lyn but that’s not going to happen so I am fortunately not where you are…kind of sums it up really, I wanted to go into a full blown conversation to explain but what’s the point? She believes she is invincible from that ever happening…so did I once upon a time…
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Hi Bess. My husband and soul mate passed nearly two years ago. I have found Christmas this year very hard, as now I am in reality. The first year I was just like a walking zombie, but now my personality is coming back and the confidence to get out there and make a new life for myself. The alternative does not bare thinking about, as I just want to make my husband in heaven proud of me. We toured with a caravan for twenty years and I miss that as we were together 24/7. I also live in North Yorkshire. Take care Lyn
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Yeh people do dont they ! Theyre on another planet ! Idiots ! Life is so much more fragile than they realise !! People can just suddenly have a heart attack and die ! Theyre fools to think they are invincible … they really are ! Xi thought my husband was gonna be ok in august last year and so did the drs … by november they gave him 3 months to live … he survived 6 weeks
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Thank you for saying this @Sarlyn. These thoughts go through my mind as well. The other thought I often have is: “I wonder what is growing inside one of you, of which you are currently unaware but will take your life.” It’s horrible and hateful. But these intrusive thoughts still arise.
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Oh that’s so touching I’ve screen shotted it.
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