Hello Amy
I’m engrossed in the book and feeling reassured by it in a way.
We all have to build a new life from scratch now and though this is a very daunting and scary experience I think with lots of support from forums, books, certain friends and family we can do it.
I can’t look at photos either or at his clothes. One day I will and not have that gut wrench and upset.
Xx
I do look at his photo - makes me feel closer to him. It does make me cry, but so do most things to be fair. I miss him so much.
I have just been to get some photos out to look at. It was nice to see his hands and his lovely eyes.
I’m scared of losing the memory of him.
Those freckles, scars, toes, ears etc
I didn’t cry this time.
X
I’m better with pictures of just him. When they’re us two or the family I just feel that such a big part is missing fro the jigsaw.
Yes that’s so true! Much easier to see them on their own. Thank you for posting today it’s kept me going.
X
Both my parents died two years ago. They were 65 and 78.
I was 33. Some people would say that’s long ago but it’s not. Some people will say that’s not as bad as losing a partner but it’s not to me. They WERE my partners. My friends. My parents. My everything. I’m still struggling. But what I can say is you find the happy times again. You do laugh again. It’s a long old road but please don’t give up. When you’re crying so hard that you can’t breathe, just go get a cup of tea, take a walk and it will help you through that day. Just get through today. X
Dear Ithaca
Life really is cruel. The police answered my husband’s mobile and sent a patrol car to take me to the hospital. Air ambulance took him to hospital but he had already died by the time I got there. We had only spoken on the phone three hours earlier.
Jules4 - I cannot imagine how it must be for you. The police have told me the road that my husband crashed so that I can avoid ever having to go along it. Someone has left permanent tribute at the roadside but I have asked for them to be removed - this is not the way I want him remembered. As you say how can a normal day suddenly come crashing down and change our world forever.
It breaks my heart that he is not here for our grandsons - one he never met. Our kids are traumatised and I am incapable of helping them.
Hello Sheila
So many parallels and shared trauma.
Unanswered questions and grief.
It helps to talk it through and in the months and years to come maybe we will be sharing coping strategies to get us all along the path.
X
Yes Kate that’s the best we can do. Get through each day and try to get some fresh air and focus on keeping yourself safe and in one piece.
Look after yourself first and foremost and only surround yourself with kind friends and family.
There is no easy way through this and it’s a long road x
It’s nice to chat to people who understand.
KateKate
I just wanted to say that I agree with you- its coming up 2 years since my mum died suddenly aged 74. She was like my partner too and lived with my daughter and I . She was a 2nd mum to my daughter who was 12.
2 years on and I feel worse than ever. My dad had already died suddenly aged 53 many years earlier.
Being without parents is awful and i rarely post anymore because I donT want newly bereaved people to see how awful things still are.
Cheryl X
I know. It’s difficult because you want to be honest with the bereaved but don’t want to scare them. I think it’s important to know that you can make yourself be happyish though by appreciating the little things. It’s hard work and I’m still learning to adapt but I truly believe that we will all be ok some day.
‘After all, what is grief if not love persevering.’ X
I hope so but I dont think I will ever be the same again without my mum. I do get enjoyment from some small things but they always have a edge of sadness about them x
Me too. It’s always in your mind. That’s why I drink way more than I used to. It’s not the answer but it dulls the thoughts just a little.
Me too. You’re not alone. At first I couldbt because drinking wine was something I did with my mum. But I soon got back into it and drink more of it than i should. X
I look at his photos all the time and talk to him , cry everyday too doing that , the pain is so raw , is there a right way to grieve ? How to start a new life with out my darling David ? who can help ? I wish there was a magic wand
Hello Nimsgold
There is no right or wrong way. The worst thing you can do is bottle it up, just let it flow and face it head on. Eventually a calm will descend for a little while. It’s a scary and tough situation we find ourselves in.
No magic wand other than what’s within us.
We just have to ride the waves until now and then we reach a shore where someone or something offers a safe haven for a time. Then we set off again.
I hope you find some way to distract yourself today.
Maybe looking at photos is not the best idea at the moment. They will still be there when you feel more prepared. It’s all difficult xxxx
I’m nearly 4 years down the line, sometimes I am sort of fine, other times I’m terrible. Just have to carry on!!!
Hello Gemball
It’s definitely a new and different life to the one we thought we had in store.
Hard to understand how we keep going, but we do.
All strange and uncertain now.
I met a woman at a bereavement group before Covid. She is my age and had also lost her husband. We understand one another and are shoulders to lean on at times when others just don’t ‘get it’.
I know group meetings aren’t happening just yet but I would recommend grief counselling to all newly bereaved people and maybe your counsellor could organise get togethers of similarly affected people as Covid restrictions are lifted.
It’s just a thought. It helped me.
Xx
I really wish there was some sort of group get together for the newly bereaved , I feel so alone and maybe it would help to be with others who are going through the same pain , I have my name down for counselling but the waiting list is long . has any one any idea about finding a councillor ? or where to find help ?