Dear Nimsgold
Sorry you find yourself in this same position. I have gone through Cruse and just waiting to be allocated a counsellor in next few weeks. Sue Ryder also have counselling.
Take care.
Sheila
Hello @Nims123,
I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. It sounds as though things are very tough at the moment and you are feeling overwhelmed.
I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m not sure if you already checked this out, but Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling
If you would like a private counsellor, you can search for one at http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/ (the advanced search will allow you to enter ‘grief’ or ‘bereavement’ as a keyword if you’re specifically looking for someone experienced in this area). Some private counsellors may offer a sliding scale of fees for people on lower incomes.
I hope you find something soon Nimsgold.
Take care,
Mick
Online Community team
Hi Gemball,
Next Thursday it will be two and a half years since I lost my husband. By chance it will also be my granddaughter’s ninth birthday, so everything is bittersweet. Like you say, sometimes I am sort of fine (ish) but today has not been a good day. My son and his two children come for breakfast on a Sunday, but yesterday we all went out shopping for a while and I said “Cole’s shoes are on the wrong feet”. His answer was a snappy “for God’s sake mum, why don’t you make a holy show of me”. .I didn’t speak for a while, but realise I am still so hurt and fragile by everything. I feel now I need to back off for a while. My son and daughter came this morning and they were going to the park with their children. I said I was ok and wouldn’t go. After a while they went without me and then I just burst into tears. On this lovely day I have just stayed in and shut the blinds - without my husband I feel there is no life anymore. I am desperately trying to be ok, but I don’t think I ever will be.
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Thank you for the advice ref counselling, I have tried Cruise and She Ryder but both have waiting lists , I have considered private counselling but it is too expensive for me
Nimmsgold
Your GP should be able to refer to counselling services offered through the NHS. Again there will be a waiting list but you should receive a screening assessment and from this they evaluate and prioritise individuals.
I have, especially in the early hours, rang Samaritans. They listen, do not judge and sometimes at the worst times it is good to speak to someone and say whatever you want without being judged and also to physically speak to another person.
Take care.
Sheila
Hello Lesley18
Sounds like you had one of those awful days where everything just spins out of control and becomes very upsetting.
I’m almost two and a half years down the line and those days still happen with such intensity.
I had one yesterday.
The sun was out and I was missing my old life so much. A neighbour was using a hedge cutter continuously for four and a half hours. The intermittent buzzing and screech was just driving me insane. Made me shake and feel so upset.
No one else seemed to be bothered but to me it was so invasive and inconsiderate.
I can’t explain why things like that affect me so much now.
I’m sure that the next time you see your children and grandchildren the mood will be different and hopefully you will all just fall back into ‘normal’.
Isn’t life hard now! We are so fragile and vulnerable at times and yet we have had to be brave and resilient to get this far.
Take care xx
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Hi Ithaca,
Thanks replying to me. My daughter tells me I am so touchy and irritable now and says I need counselling. She rang me a bit earlier and we had a few words. I asked her how she expects me to feel now - ok about everything? I am so glad my husband is not in any more pain and discomfort, but it is such a wrench after being married for 46 years from the age of 18, and I can’t just be ok even though this time has passed. I feel like both my son and daughter and taking in every word I say and watching me constantly, but then if they are I know it is because they are worried about me. They have their own families though and can go back and talk to their other halves, just like I did about everything with Eddie. He helped me so much over the years, even when I got upset over leaving my mum and dad 46 years ago! Yes, life is still very hard now, isn’t it? I hope the passing of (more) time will help us one day. Take care too xxx
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Hello Lesley 18
Hope you have a settled day today and the same to everyone else out there, here’s hoping!
xxxxx
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I look at photos of my wife and family every night and every night I get upset and end up in tears. It feels like I’m punishing myself. I’ve moved to another bedroom. I can’t go in our old bedroom, I’ve closed the door.
We had so much planned for the next 20 years. We both retired 5 years ago and bought our dream home abroad, ready to spend our retirement. I can’t think of a time in the future when I could go back there.
I can’t see any future to look forward to.
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Hello Gedwards,
I’m so sorry that you are having to go through this grief and trauma.
It is extremely difficult coping with our loved ones belongings and being alone in a home full of once happy times.
Please don’t focus on the future just yet.
Just day by day or even hour by hour.
Your energy levels can only manage the short term for now.
There is no fixing this but we do adapt to our situation albeit very, very slowly. We will learn how to grow around our grief, stay brave and reach out for support.
Take care x
Thanks Ithaca
Reading your message helps me realise there’s other people like yourself in the same situation that care.
Gary
Hello Gary
Yes there are so many of us. So many different stories that led to the same sad outcome.
It’s beyond anything we could have imagined and yet we have to navigate our way through with no sat nav, no guidance, just with these new survival mechanisms that have kicked in.
Keep going Gary.
X
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I still have my husband’s dressing go hanging on the back of our bedroom door . It is a great comfort to me as I hold it close I can feel him and smell him , after four months everything else is still in closed wardrobes and drawers, Not ready yet to tackle his clothes, We are all different and must be allowed to move at our own pace.
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Sorry I didn’t reply I came off for a while, I needed to come back on, I’m feeling much better and beginning to cope o bit more even though there are many ups and downs, just think to myself there is nothing I can do about all this so just have to plod on, will be 5 years in November that I lost my Phil x
Hi Gemball,
I too have the odd ‘better’ day but overall I’m still a bit of a mess. It will be three and a half years on my granddaughter’s birthday in June since I lost my husband but it really seems like no time at all. Like you say though, there is nothing we can now change so we just have to plod on and hope things get better. Guess we just have to keep trying 