Just wondered if anyone else is experiencing the sun making their grief worse? My husband has been gone since September last year. I’m not sure if it’s just the changing of the seasons that makes me feel further away from him, if that makes sense. I guess it’s still all the firsts.
I went out today with my 4 year old to a entertainment park. I just felt rubbish mainly. It’s not just seeing all the families together that is effecting my mood, I think it’s the fact that we should have had so many extra years to enjoy the sun and days out. He was only 39, I feel robbed and it depresses me most days. The only time I ever really feel better with my grief is at the end of the day when I’m in bed.
I’m supposed to be booking a holiday too, my kids deserve it and I have always adored going abroad, we haven’t been since before covid. I just know that I’ll feel crap but I still have to soldier on and do all this stuff. I just hate my life now. Everything is tainted by his absence
Yes I feel a bit like that. We used to go away and do lots of stuff outdoors in summer, we’d spend a lot of time pottering out the garden and look forward to going on holidays. All that’s gone now. I miss him terribly but I also miss the things we used to do together. I miss making the most of the nice weather doing fun stuff.
We hadn’t been abroad since Covid either but went on a few UK coastal breaks. It was so much faff even after with all the testing etc then my passport ran out. We were going to go in September though but then this happened. I really wish we’d just gone during Covid now and not been put off by the tests etc
Same that’s why we didn’t go. I get overwhelmed at times thinking " how can I feel like this forever?" It’s just the worst thing ever!
This morning I think I was back at the bargaining stage. I just kept wishing I could turn the clock back to prevent it. I literally would give everything I own to change stuff. It’s heartbreaking xx
That’s my one regret in all the time we were together that we didn’t travel more. We went abroad once a year and had lots of UK breaks but we mostly saved for the house, the garden and just to have a little put by. I wish we’d lived more for the now instead of thinking of our future because little did we know there wouldn’t be a future for us If I could turn back time I’d have said bugger it and gone on so many more holidays and seen so much more of the world.
Same, I’d start again with the clothes on my back if it meant I could have him back. I’d give back any remaining time I have left on this earth for just a few minutes with him to speak to him and hold him just one more time. If only we had the option to bargain
Part of me thinks that I’m still fairly young. I do want to go away again. There’s so many places I’d like to see and visit. I feel guilty that we never got to go to half the places that he wanted to go
Yes me too. Sounds sad but I’m gonna take his old passport in with ours as it’s the closest thing I’ll have to taking him with me.
Your reading is getting closer, are you excited? I’m peed off with all of it now, think that’s why I feel depressed. Even if there is an afterlife it’s never going to be the same as it was down here. Kind of makes me feel trapped! X
It doesn’t sound sad at all. It’s a lovely idea You do whatever brings you comfort at the end of the day and like you say it’s the closest you can get to taling him. Unless there IS an afterlife of course, then I’m sure he’ll be there with you anyway
Yes not long now. I am excited and I’m not if that makes sense. I desperately want it to really make me believe. I’ve seen readings she’s done for others when the cameras are rolling and if I get a reading like that then I’ll believe for sure. If mine is vague and guessy then I’ll be really disheartened and wonder if the others are set up.
I’m praying it’s good I know what you mean though. Even if there IS something after this we still have to live our lives on this earth without them. I’m hoping he gives me some advice on what the hell I’m supposed to do next.
I’m fairly certain he’d give me a row about certain things if he gets the chance
It’s funny because if there really is any truth to it all I already know what he’s going to tell me.
I do wonder if I’m expecting a bit too much from the reading though. I’m basically expecting a full blown conversation with him and I know that’s not going to happen
I’m glad to say my bad dreams have stopped and I’ve had some lovely dreams of him lately
I think the initial raw grief and guilt are easing now. The good memories are coming back now and when I think of him I think of the good stuff not the awful memories surrounding his death, Chapel of rest and his funeral. At one point I honestly thought the traumatic memories would foreverbbe at the forefront of all the lovely memories I have of him.
My reading is on the 31st so I’ll definitely let everyone know how it goes. I’m still really sceptical tbh but in the early days I’d be awake all hours trying to find answers and now I’m more of the attitude I might never know and that’s OK. I’ll try and be positive that there is because I feel like it helps me but maybe I’ll never truly know and that’s OK.
I had a horrible dream about my husband last night. I dreamt I was chasing him around town, he wasn’t behaving how I’d expect him to and he was getting further and further away. I woke up and for a second wondered where he could be, then I realised it was worse than the dream as the reality is he’s dead! I think that started me off on the wrong foot.
I did see a video of the medium you’re having and she does sound amazing, as you say, if it’s true.
I just have a hard time when they say they keep their personality but Ditch all the stuff that held them back in life and our relationships won’t be the same as we are just energy. I just don’t fully get that. I still don’t understand why we have to live here first. Even when the mediums explain it, to me it sounds pointless. I drive myself crazy. X
I have found the beautiful weather harder to cope with. I am sat in the garden now with a glass of wine. This is something we would always do if we could. Its 8 weeks today since his cardiac arrest and 7 since he died. I feel so sad and so alone, despite my wonderful family and friends. I just want him sat beside me having a chat. Love to you all grieving.
Is that what they call it the bargaining stage ? I keep doing that going back in time wishing i had some things differently i dont want anybody else … i just want my husband back its just awful isnt it ? Why do we have to go through all this ? I dont get it ? I think im gonna move ? I dunno if i got too many memories around here ? Having said that im not really in right frame of mind either and no idea where i would go either ! Preferably another planet hope you all survived another very warm day ? Xx
Don’t move whilst you’re in grief. That’s what they say don’t they? Well don’t make any big decisions.
Even sat in my back garden I can hear my next door neighbours eating their tea. They are in their 60s, so they’ve had many more years than I have. My husband was only 39.
The other day whilst I was sunbathing I could hear someone doing diy and it felt as if my normal life existed. My husband was always sawing or drilling something as the house we bought was a doer upper.
It’s weird as sometimes I feel like my husband is just at work or somewhere and I’m just making dinner and he will be back soon. Wishful thinking that is.
Today just feels like a really long time since I’ve seen him: I thought the grief was getter better but when it hits, it stings like hell.
I know ! The wave hits you doesnt it ? I loved my life with him ! I never wanted it to change ! Its so unfair … how long is it for you since he passed ? X
@LostLil I really do hope you have a great experience with that lady. The chap I seen here in Belfast was amazing! I recorded the session and listen to it most days, I can’t believe how accurate he was ; he got how my Martin passed, names, nicknames and even our doggies! I’m not on any social media, just LinkedIn, so completely professional, nothing personal.
This chap has worked all over the world and only accepts a token payment, he believes he has this ability and just wants to help people. I’ve just booked a reading for August, I’m so looking forward to seeing him again.
If your reading is not what you are expecting, can you ask for a refund? I do worry that there are people out there who take advantage of the vulnerable…
Honestly I don’t know where the time has gone. I’d never in a million years whilst he was alive thought I could go 8 weeks without seeing him or at least speaking to him. In other ways I think I still have so long to go.
I have nothing she can get from any social media either. I’m only on Facebook and people who are not friends with me can see absolutely nothing. I don’t even put anything personal on for friends to see. I use Facebook for messenger and I’ll have a nosey on there sometimes but I don’t share anything on there really. I did put a post up with his funeral details on but that was set to friends only.
The medium offers some real specifics to the people I’ve seen her do readings for so if I don’t get specifics I will question it at the end of my reading. I’m really hoping that she’s going to be just as amazing for me though.
There’s something about her that makes me feel like she’s a genuinely nice person though. She has such a soft gentle presence about her from what I’ve seen in her videos. I had a real impulsive urge to book her at a time when I was feeling really really low and as soon as I’d booked her I felt better. I did start doubting myself the next day because it’s a lot of money if I’m not going to be convinced. If I am convinced then it’s worth every penny.
Not long to wait now thankfully I’m going record the reading and if it’s any good I’ll play it for his family. I haven’t told them I’ve booked it yet. His mother would like to believe but the rest of them would think I’m nuts
Maybe I am, I guess I’ll find out soon.
I’ll definitely keep you all posted x
I hated myself for having horrible thoughts and dreams about him
He’d never hurt anyone, he was such a caring person so to dream he was trying to force his way through a door with a knife in his hand really upset me. I’m pretty sure now my heads not so scrambled I won’t have any bad dreams again
I guess I’ll just have to hope my reading goes as well as the ones in the videos and if it doesn’t I will have to question why not. She does seem like a genuinely lovely lady though so I’m feeling quite positive it will be good.
I don’t want to just be energy. I want hugs in the afterlife. If I get there and I can’t give him a massive hug I’m going to be peeved
I’m hoping that at the end of my fifty minute reading that we can stop at maybe 40 minutes and I can ask her some questions for the final 10 minutes. I’m not sure if it’s like 50 minutes on the dot or if she’ll go over a couple of minutes but there’s a few things I’d like to ask her and 50 minutes does seem like an awfully long time for her to just say reading stuff lol
Oh yes deffo try and ask her some questions. It will be interesting if say her and the other celebrity mediums say the same thing about the afterlife.
I’m starting to notice patterns. None of them mention gods, maybe like the light that draws us if that is god but I haven’t heard anyone mention one particular god. Also that we are just all around and still here and close. I’ve heard heaven being mentioned but it’s more what they are calling this after phase rather than the Christian sense of what we assume heaven to be like.
@Kat1984 Strange you mention that. When I had my reading with Brian, he did say that there are no Churches or Chapels on the other side! I found this really bizarre! He was talking about my Mum; my Mummy was a really strict Catholic! He told me that she was so happy I was more spiritual than religious, that is so true!
Brian also told me that we are all here to learn lessons, then we all go home.
I have a photo of my Mum ( she was around 29 at the time) Brian said “ you have a photo of your Mum, not quite 30, that’s how she looks now”
I TOTALLY believe that we go somewhere else, I honestly don’t believe in the whole religious thing anymore; I believe we all go home & when we get there, all of this will make sense…
If I could turn back time I’d have said bugger it and gone on so many more holidays and seen so much more of the world.
You do whatever brings you comfort at the end of the day and like you say it’s the closest you can get to taling him. Unless there IS an afterlife of course, then I’m sure he’ll be there with you anyway 
I know what you mean though. Even if there IS something after this we still have to live our lives on this earth without them. I’m hoping he gives me some advice on what the hell I’m supposed to do next.
i dont want anybody else … i just want my husband back