No end of life support at hospital

Hi, I lost my much-loved daddy10 weeks ago. Our experience in hospital was traumatising. During daddy’s final hours we had no support from hospital staff. When I say no support, I mean they completely abandoned us. My daddy’s end of life symptoms were extermely difficult to witness and cope with. He experienced substantial bleeding. We received no nursing support and spent those hours trying to stem the bleeding. When we asked for support we were met with resistance. An example response was “what is it, we are busy” while staff sat at their station.

We have been left traumatised by this. Nobody came to talk to us after daddy died. We sat there for hours but nobody came other than the hospital porters.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Is this normal to experience no support in hospital?

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That’s truly shameful :pensive: I’m sorry that that was your experience. The NHS is not what it once was, because politicians have decided it doesn’t provide value for money. But no one’s offering an alternative, so we’re all suffering.

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I experienced something similar to this there were nurses looking after my dad on an off b4 he died but once he had sadly passed there was no one i couldnt believe it just felt like no one cared i still cant get over it now hospitals are nothing like they used to be an it makes me want to totally avoid them i dont know why ppl goin into a caring role if they clearly dont care an 1 doctor was so rude basically your dad is gonna die im sorry an just leaves no feelings at all im still raging about it now 6 months later.

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Thanks so much for responding. Ive never experienced such coldness than I did by the nurses that night. When we asked if they could get us water they replied “two of us have to stay at the nursing station at all times” (while one was swinging on her chair and on her mobile phone). When we queried that rule, they looked at one another before one replied with “I suppose I could give it a go”.

Is this misconduct? I can’t believe the lack of care and the total lack of compassion they displayed.

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That is awful!! I am so so sorry that you went through similar. Did you receive any contact from nurses to share bereavement support available or anything like that?

I cant believe this is allowed to happen.

Oh, that’s terrible :worried:

We need to collectively take a stand and say that enough is enough… healthcare is a total lottery, now. :yellow_heart:

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Thank you all so much. It really helps validate that what i experienced really isnt okay. I requested all notes and have submitted a complaint just today. But since submitting i feel anxious that they will say this is normal. But it was just horrendous.

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I have heard about the NHS destruction. I am in the USA.

All I can say is you have to speak up and fight back, once you
have healed somewhat. To document in detail, your experience.
I just watched “Mr. Bates and the Post Office,” an example of having to
fight back. It is like the fight portrayed by your famous author, JR Tolkien,
good vs. evil and I think that is a right comparison.

What you describe is horrendous. I am so very sorry.

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Thank you so much for your lovely inspiring and caring words. Youre absolutely right. I plan to speak to the ombudmans for a full and independent investigation.

No we didnt receive any offers of bereavement support or anything like that just left to your own devices your experience does sound even worse than ours those nurses sound disgraceful they shouldnt even be in the job. We complained about my dads treatment as we wernt happy with it but you just get letter after letter of apologies an excuses on there behalf an to be honest you just get sick of it especially when your grieving.

I am so sorry you went through that. And how they didnt offer you and your family support. I cant understand why nobody would take 5 mins to speak with people who are grieving. How do they go home and sleep after showing no care for the people they are paid to look after.

How are you doing after having been through that? I do hope you have support around you.

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When mum died in hospital, the nurse just handed me a leaflet, mumbled she was sorry for my loss and left. I sat with my mum’s body for hours and no one checked to see if I was ok. I know they are busy but it only takes a minute.

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I am so so sorry Victoria. Thats heartbreaking. I totally agree, it takes a few minutes or even not to even say a word but to let people know they are there if needed. We stayed with daddy (my sister and mum) for 4 hours and we sat in the room hoping someone would come but they didnt. Since posting this thread, my mum has received a call from the hospital bereavement service asking if mum wants to talk. Daddy has been passed 10 weeks now. My complaint was submitted yesterday. The timing makes you wonder the motive behind the call.

I do hope youre managing okay and have some support.

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Oh my gosh, that reminds me… some nurses were loudly talking about a leaflet for us, and things weren’t at that stage :angry:

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Im ok thanx it jyst all feels like a blur sometimes like it happened to somebody else my wife is a great support to me an i may consider counselling im not sure yet. Im also sorry for what youve been thru its really sad that the state of hospitals has come to this iv read quite afew bad experiences ppl have had on here hope ya doin ok.

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Hello Robin, So sorry for the loss of your Dad. How your Father was treated in his final moments has disgusted me. Is neglectful, gross misconduct and shameful. I hope you manage to get a response from the Ombudsman and some peace from challenging these awful people. They sound like they shouldn’t be anywhere near people. They are a disgrace to the NHS. I lost my Mum Dec 27 th 2022 and still hurts now. My experience was very different from yours and I cannot praise the NHS and care home enough. However, this respect for human life does not appear to be consistent across the UK. I’m sure your Dad knew how much you loved him and cared for him. But he deserved better. As did you. Jules

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I too was wondering whether/what the lovely Sue Ryder admins think about the horrors that they read about on here.

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You are definitely not alone, my mum was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer that had spread undetected and given less than 12 months to live. They couldn’t discharge her as she had no bone marrow in her femur and was recovering from them having to insert a rod and other complications. As she was deemed unsaveable she wasn’t even moved to a cancer ward. After 10 weeks in hospital with no support and noticeable deterioration (she was delusional as it had spread to the brain) they decided to tell me she had to be discharged as they needed the bed. We had no cancer nurse no offer of hospice care. Instead I had to submit to a home visit where they told me I had to get rid of all the downstairs furniture and pay for the night time nursing myself as there is no funding for nights. My mum refused to come home didn’t want to put me under that pressure so instead we were told she had to go to a nursing home and I would have to sell our home to fund it after the first 30 days. They also put her in the first home that said yes and said we had no choice. The week of the move the paperwork got messed up and they moved her on the wrong day without telling me. She was scared and hysterical I had to run out of work to get there. Once there we discovered they had sent her without her pain meds which she needed for the now multiple fractures and without any notes of the need for oxygen. She had lung cancer as primary ffs. I had to do her sats myself to monitor the oxygen in her blood (I’m not medically trained). She died two weeks later……

Louiseb I am so, so sorry for what you and your mum experienced. That is absolutely horrific!! I’m in tears reading your experience. How could they treat you and your mum in that way. I am utterly speechless.

Can I ask how you’re doing since your mum passed? I really hope you have lots of support around you.

It’s been a year now and the pain is a bit less. I feel a tremendous amount of guilt about it all still. But we were truly in a bad place at the time anyway. The day I took mum to hospital was 6 months to the day that we had lost my dad suddenly. All that period is such a blur. Both my parents were only 64. Family has been ok but they as many people on here point out people quickly forget. Oh and just to compound it all I’m an only child so dealing with it by myself really. Jeez now I feel like I’m going for sob story of the year!