Thank you; my family and church do their best but even after 20 months I still get upset talking about Mum’s last few months - maybe I feel residual guilt that I didn’t push harder, but it’s so difficult to stand up against medics who don’t listen, not to mention the problem of overworked/underpaid nurses who were on strike some of the time Mum was there.
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HB63,
I feel the same as you . Mum passed in Dec 2022 and I am still traumatised by the end of life route. I can’t even bring myself to type about it. I never ever thought this sort of thing happened. Feeling helpless at not standing up more to doctors but believe me when I say I really really did as much as I could but it was pointless. I had no rights and they left mum die.
Thinking of you
Deborah
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Exactly my thoughts too. They gave me a fairly useless explanation which I replied too. They sent a response saying they would get back to me but never have. The hospital eventually admitted they should have paid mum’s costs in the care home and picked those couple of days up. For me it was the principle that they had made her so ill she couldnt survive and then said she was too ill to be in hospital but they couldnt have known she was dying! Its all wrong. So many things in that hospital, including cleanliness, were wrong.
I’m sorry for your loss too x
It was the same with my dad they just dont care these hospitals these days an especially when you get over the age of 65 they dont wanna know or help you i dont know how so many hospitals seem to get away with it cos ive heard lots of these things happening on here its just not right.
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I totally agree. There are more and more stories on the news and on ombudsman reports on their website, yet all they offer is an apology and improvements. But nothing seems to improve! Its breaching so many human rights laws.
With my complaint, when I requested the End of Life Care Policy under FOI request, it took 6 months of chasing. Then when I did receive it, I saw it was almost 7 years out of date, and made the info goverance team aware. They said this was the latest policy they have and didn’t seem bothered that such an important policy was so outdated. It beggars belief.
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The only thing the hospital were ever keen on was to get in place a do not resuscitate order. My mum only broke her wrist yet the lack of hospital care ended her life.
That is utterly, utterly, appalling. I am so so sorry.
It takes so much strength not to be consumed by anger. So many families have been left traumatised 
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Thank you. The hospital wanted to keep her in; I so wished I had brought her home where she lived with us. I thought I was doing the right thing. I couldn’t have been more wrong and will regret that always.
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I often battle with so much regret. Thinking all the ‘should haves’ but its hindsight bias. We could never have known. We are taught to trust professionals.
I do hope you are doing something nice for you this weekend.
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Thank you. We are away this weekend which generally does help a bit. When I’m at home I generally feel worst each morning when I wake up and remember. Hope you are managing ok.x
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Please try not to be too hard on yourself. As Robin says, we are trained to accept what doctors tell us. In my case things were complicated by the fact that my mum probably had depression and definitely had early dementia, and had apparently told people that she was tired of life, so maybe I shouldn’t blame the hospital quite so much. But I still think they should have treated her more holistically, as a mind and emotions not just a body with infections to be ‘beaten’ to make themselves feel better rather than her. If they had let her out earlier she very likely would have found more supportive care in one of the nine residential homes we visited, even if she had come to the end of her life. But the link between the NHS and social care is broken (if it ever worked) and the commitment and resources just don’t seem to be there.
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I think you’re completely right. I have just sent another reminder to the hospital about their response due within 60 working days which is now ip to 75 working days. Strangely enough they sent a holding response within minutes when I quoted the CQC complaint number! It shouldn’t have to be like this though. I am not trying to punish anyone, just wishing they would see the elderly as real, valued people who have a right to be treated well. It’s going to come as an enormous shock to some hospital staff when they are old and unwell to find they are in just the same position and no-one cares for them properly. I hadnt known how bad my mum’s bedsores (hospital aquired) were, or thay they had broken her false teeth but left them in . No-one would answer when I said she seemed to be in pain. It wasn’t clear whether it was stomach pain or leg pain making her wince, but it seems to have been the sores. I took her to so many appointments when she lived with us, and at the end I do feel I let her down when she was in hospital and I thought being looked after.
Im so sorry for your loss.
I too have had a terrible experience at hospital with my mum. She was taken into hospital on in October when I was abroad on holiday and I could not get back to her for 5 days. Once I got to the cardiac ward, I could not believe my eyes. My mum had deteriorated dramatically.
The hospital staff had lost one of her hearing aids and had the audacity to tell me that she had dementia. My mum at 85 had a sharp mind!!
I remember every day I visited, I had to chase the lazy staff for something or other. After 2 weeks I managed to get her home. (I was on a mission as my father had died on the same ward in Covid 2021).
My mum passed away on 6th November at home, and to this day I cannot tell you why, but lack of care is high on the list. Failed by the NHS. They did not care. She was in the wrong ward. Her heart was not the problem but she was kept in cardiology. She should have been transferred to and elder care ward.
So many failings. Mums death is currently being reviewed by coroner as cause is unclear.
In getting her home for 2 weeks before she died, she received community care eventually after me begging and not giving up.
The elder care team got to her 2 days before she died. Too late. Im heart broken, I tried so hard to save her. I was constantly onto the GP for help who just blamed the hospital for everything and did not want to take responsibility.
Im grateful to the new death registration system that came into effect this year in September. Mums death was reviewed by a medical examiner who would not accept the cause of death recorded by GP as Old age and frailty. He saw gaps in her hospital records and so now mums case is with coroner.
I have been able to have a funeral as I got an interim death certificate. I was advised to make a formal complaint by the medical examiner to PALS. I await their findings.
One small point I want to make is the loss of a hearing aid. £2000 worth of kit. They just shrugged their shoulders. How many hearing aids have the NHS lost? I am claiming as I had to get an emergency order for new ones. I was told the NHS do this all the time. So say 100 people have their hearings aids lost in hospital - that’s £200,000 that the NHS have wasted and have to pay back in claims. Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see where the NHS is hemorrhaging money! No respect or care for people’s belongings.
No complaint will bring my mum back, but I’m fighting for the future so that others can be spared the lack of care and indignity my poor mum received. In a small way it’s helping me cope and I continue to fight for her.
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Very sorry to hear of your traumatic experience and thank you for fighting against the poor treatment your mum received - if more of us do it, maybe they will listen…
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I am so sorry. This seems to be so common with elderly people. My mum only had a broken wrist and no dementia, but they kept her in to keep an eye on her. The worst mistake ever. They constantly refused to give us the home support and moved her from ward to ward. She lived with us and all we needed was a bit of support because she was a bit wobbly on her legs. Five weeks later she died with bedsores and after C Difficile which made her hugely ill. They sent her to a nursing home but she died after 2 days. We didnt even know she was at the end of life and the hospital denied it but the nursing home saw instantly how unwell she was and undertood her near constant sleeping to be end of life.
I’m still awaiting a second response to my complaint after the unsatisfactory first one. I didnt know about this new death registration but it came in after my mum’s death. Her death certificate says old age and frailty but she died because the hospital killed her by giving her C Difficile. Some of the staff were so unpleasant. One head of care said we would have to find somewhere ourselves and pay for it. All we wanted was some basic help, and all they wanted was to get her to sign a do not resuscitate. Disgraceful.
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My mum too had bed sores. Ive already had an admission of lack of care for that, procedures just not followed. If the NHS cannot provide basic common sense care then it may as well be sold off. Its failing our elder generation dreadfully.
The hospital also put a do not resuscitate on my mum. The form wasn’t filled out correctly and I was not consulted as her next of kin. I did manage to get it rescinded by her GP.
Mums end of life was very similar with the sleeping and she did pass away peacefully in her own home which was a comfort.
I don’t know what the outcome of the coroner and complaint will be but I’m going to fight for mum and have already got some initial legal advice.
We are all living longer, and quite frankly what is the point as the infrastructure is just not in place for an ageing population. Like you say, disgraceful.
The NHS used to be the pride of Britain, but no longer, we have too large a population for it to cope as it is.
Sadly, we are all going to have to pay towards our care in the future. We don’t think twice for paying for car services & repairs do we.
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I hope not,as it will get to be like America . My son once he got to hospital he had Quite good care,but I did notice the weekend staff were a bit hash dash.
Christopher could not get out of bed because of the mass on his hip and spine . He also only had the use of one hand, which also had his lines in. He also had moderate learning disability. couple of times at the weekend he phone me up, saying I don’t know you try your best and your best is not good enough. When I asked him why ,he said he needed to urinate, they brought him the jug to go in . When he ask for help they said he got to do it himself . Because he could not hold it steady,it went over the bed, they then told him off because they had to change the sheet. That was just the weekend staff . My son was so clean ,he hated being dirty.
I agree totally. Its a useless failure for our older people.
When my mum passed away, the staff did not help one bit. The nurse came into the room to tell me her heart stopped beating and left.
I stayed with mum for a bit but afterwards I asked what would happen next and was given a leaflet and told to read it. I was also met by dirty looks as if I’d interrupted them.
There was no one to explain anything. It seemed like nobody cared. I guess they see this all the time so it doesn’t really bother them.
I left the hospital straight away as I was so traumatised but the whole experience.
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I am so so sorry about your mum, and also the total unhumane way you have been treated. This is not okay and I hope you have support around you?
I experienced very similar, and my case is now with the ombudsman. Those nurses should be stripped of their pin. What I experienced has traumatised and changed me.
It has been 10 months since my daddy passed and battling to get answers. I just really want to say that you are not alone.