Thank you; my family and church do their best but even after 20 months I still get upset talking about Mum’s last few months - maybe I feel residual guilt that I didn’t push harder, but it’s so difficult to stand up against medics who don’t listen, not to mention the problem of overworked/underpaid nurses who were on strike some of the time Mum was there.
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HB63,
I feel the same as you . Mum passed in Dec 2022 and I am still traumatised by the end of life route. I can’t even bring myself to type about it. I never ever thought this sort of thing happened. Feeling helpless at not standing up more to doctors but believe me when I say I really really did as much as I could but it was pointless. I had no rights and they left mum die.
Thinking of you
Deborah
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Exactly my thoughts too. They gave me a fairly useless explanation which I replied too. They sent a response saying they would get back to me but never have. The hospital eventually admitted they should have paid mum’s costs in the care home and picked those couple of days up. For me it was the principle that they had made her so ill she couldnt survive and then said she was too ill to be in hospital but they couldnt have known she was dying! Its all wrong. So many things in that hospital, including cleanliness, were wrong.
I’m sorry for your loss too x
It was the same with my dad they just dont care these hospitals these days an especially when you get over the age of 65 they dont wanna know or help you i dont know how so many hospitals seem to get away with it cos ive heard lots of these things happening on here its just not right.
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I totally agree. There are more and more stories on the news and on ombudsman reports on their website, yet all they offer is an apology and improvements. But nothing seems to improve! Its breaching so many human rights laws.
With my complaint, when I requested the End of Life Care Policy under FOI request, it took 6 months of chasing. Then when I did receive it, I saw it was almost 7 years out of date, and made the info goverance team aware. They said this was the latest policy they have and didn’t seem bothered that such an important policy was so outdated. It beggars belief.
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The only thing the hospital were ever keen on was to get in place a do not resuscitate order. My mum only broke her wrist yet the lack of hospital care ended her life.
That is utterly, utterly, appalling. I am so so sorry.
It takes so much strength not to be consumed by anger. So many families have been left traumatised 
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Thank you. The hospital wanted to keep her in; I so wished I had brought her home where she lived with us. I thought I was doing the right thing. I couldn’t have been more wrong and will regret that always.
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I often battle with so much regret. Thinking all the ‘should haves’ but its hindsight bias. We could never have known. We are taught to trust professionals.
I do hope you are doing something nice for you this weekend.
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Thank you. We are away this weekend which generally does help a bit. When I’m at home I generally feel worst each morning when I wake up and remember. Hope you are managing ok.x
Please try not to be too hard on yourself. As Robin says, we are trained to accept what doctors tell us. In my case things were complicated by the fact that my mum probably had depression and definitely had early dementia, and had apparently told people that she was tired of life, so maybe I shouldn’t blame the hospital quite so much. But I still think they should have treated her more holistically, as a mind and emotions not just a body with infections to be ‘beaten’ to make themselves feel better rather than her. If they had let her out earlier she very likely would have found more supportive care in one of the nine residential homes we visited, even if she had come to the end of her life. But the link between the NHS and social care is broken (if it ever worked) and the commitment and resources just don’t seem to be there.
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I think you’re completely right. I have just sent another reminder to the hospital about their response due within 60 working days which is now ip to 75 working days. Strangely enough they sent a holding response within minutes when I quoted the CQC complaint number! It shouldn’t have to be like this though. I am not trying to punish anyone, just wishing they would see the elderly as real, valued people who have a right to be treated well. It’s going to come as an enormous shock to some hospital staff when they are old and unwell to find they are in just the same position and no-one cares for them properly. I hadnt known how bad my mum’s bedsores (hospital aquired) were, or thay they had broken her false teeth but left them in . No-one would answer when I said she seemed to be in pain. It wasn’t clear whether it was stomach pain or leg pain making her wince, but it seems to have been the sores. I took her to so many appointments when she lived with us, and at the end I do feel I let her down when she was in hospital and I thought being looked after.