I’m interested to know how others are coping with their partner loss and no family. My husband and I only had each other, so now I am totally alone. I have very few friends, actually only one real friend. The loneliness is killing me, I have to constantly be out of the house as the loneliness there is so bad. Anyone else in similar position.
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I have family, my mum, who I don’t live that close to, and my brother and his family who live in Switzerland. No kids ad just a few friends.
That circle seems to have shrunk and yes, the loneliness creeps in when I least expect it.
I’ve restatarted an old hobby and gone back to an old club that we were members of but I’ve also started my photography with earnest, and joined a local club for that.
Ramblers is next on my list…
None of this has taken away the real, deep down inside, loneliness but I have a couple of distractions now, something to focus on, people to talk to…
Hugs xx
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Since S died I have forced myself to go out, accepting lots of invitations although nowadays I only go if I know they want to be with me and it’s not a pity invite. I think it’s also important that I make the first move at times, as others start to get fed up of being the instigators every time.
I had a life before him and I’m determined to have one now. I, like @S_Diva, have restarted previous interests and begun new ones, meeting new people along the way. The more you do, the more you interact with others, and I have found that these often overlap. I talk to people about anything and try hard not to be defined by “what has happened” (as I refer to it). I know that people in my town know me for his bereaved girlfriend and I hate to think they feel sorry for me, so I paint in that smile.
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I also have no family here i come from overseas. I cant even get out of the house during the day because i work from home. Loneliness is the worst.
Hooe it gets better and meet new friends
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I have no parents or siblings and just my Son living at home in his early 20’s, hes got a disability so is alot younger.I don’t want to rely on him but yes he works 5 evenings so i find myself lonely too.
Friends have dropped out of my life also. I find this forum hugely reassuring that what im going through ,others can relate to as well and its not just me.
Those who’ve not lost a partner just dont get it and to be fair before i lost my Husband , i had no clue either.
Thank you to all who post on here.
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Yes, we need to give these people a break now and then as they have no idea. When I think back to how I’ve behaved in the past towards bereaved people I am ashamed. I really thought that one visit and a phone call was enough, and they knew how to contact me if necessary 
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I agree, your life goes on unchanged and you think if you call every so often that youve done your bit.
Its not until it happens to you that the sheer magnitude of this hits home.
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I am so sorry that you feel this way. I don’t have an answer I’m afraid: I lost my partner Deb just 3 weeks ago and thus far have very well intentioned relatives staying with me at various times. They don’t want me to be alone, but I’ll have to be after Deb’s funeral.
We had no children and actually lost our lovely little dog just six weeks before Deb left us.
I’m definitely not looking forward to it. I had lived on my own as a younger man (57 now), and work took one or other of us away quite often, but that was very different.
It isn’t the practical stuff - I know how the washing machine works, I can drive the vacuum cleaner, I’ve always ironed my own shirts, and thankfully I have more dishes up my sleeve than beans on toast!
I just don’t fancy rattling around our house on my own.
I’m really lucky; I’m able to have 3 months away from work and I plan to go away for much of it, but I can’t run forever!
I do hope you find a way to be comfortable at home soon.
My best wishes to you.
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Looking back I’m surprised I stayed in the house on my own from the very first night, my husband died at home. It’s at home that the sheer magnitude of what’s happened is felt the strongest. Home is where my husband would and should be, it’s full of his things. I’m having a few nights away next week and if I like it I shall book something else. We all have to do what we need to do only we know that. Best wishes
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My husband passed away 8 weeks ago unexpectedly. My family aren’t local and we didn’t have children. Despite having wonderful friends who stayed with me initially I feel so alone and isolated now so I do understand how you feel
I’m actually the other way no children between us hers have turned into horrible monsters believing they are owed half the house though it’s always been in joint tenants so automatically becomes mine, recently lost both parents to and only now have two siblings both live away, I struggle to go out even to shop, I only go to work because I have to and as a truck driver it’s very solitary most of the time, even before her passing I was feeling all I was here for was to pay bills and keep her grown children (youngest of 4 is 38) and only now going through financial I find 60% + of our (she didn’t work) money has gone to three of the four children (the boy works two of the girls just went on benefits after getting pregnant and not for the want of trying to get them to want better lives than that) since parting ways with her family I’m so much better off both mentally and financially but have also found out she deliberately isolated me from all our and my friends covertly, any time one of mine called or visited she would give some reasoning as to why I wouldn’t be about and as I worked stupid hours I never knew. Now I’m just in a void of work/eat/sleep/repeat and given my job I don’t see it changing anytime soon
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I’m so sorry, that must have been very difficult to find out. Can you get in touch with anyone who was turned away and explain to them? After someone passes away the vultures will gather trying to get some, any, money. I have had some experience of this so know what it’s like. Your job is very solitary, you need to contact with people when you have days off. Best wishes
Same here, though I do have wonderfully supportive neighbours and friends. After a year, I still get dreadfully lonely, but am finding it slightly easier to cope with. I keep busy, invite friends over, and go to quite a lot of different groups.
I am trying to join things, most are not so close to me. But I often feel overwhelmed with the effort of trying so hard to meet people. I just want my husband. I am so tired, sleeping so little. I don’t really have support from anyone, I feel if I passed away I wouldn’t be found.
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I have that same thought, people don’t see me from one month to the next so don’t know if I’m just at work or just not there, I went in to hospital for an operation and no one knew, I thought then if I hadn’t made it no one would have known till the house was sold 
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As it definitely makes you ,it’s the person you were number one too and who always knew where you were
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We had no children, and although I have two half-sisters living a few miles away, we have never been close. It’s nearly three months since Debs died and something I have found is that my relationship with her continues, and helps me as it always has. We were very close - our lives revolved around each other, although we had friends, colleagues and neighbours. The agony of being apart from Debs still takes my breath away. I have begun grief counselling, just yesterday, and I spend a lot of time talking to Debs. I even write to her in a notebook. So, despite being apart and the pain, I think in a way she remains alive for me. It’s not forced. It just is. I think it will always be so for me. When a very well-meaning friend commented a few weeks ago, ‘You loved her very much,’ I replied, ‘I still love her. I always will.’ The pain of her death has not subsided. I’m crying as I write this, but there is some comfort in knowing that Debs made such a positive impression on my life, for such a long time (31 years) that she’ll never truly be ‘in the past’ to me.
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As I write this I’m trying to get up the courage to go out for cancer treatment myself. This may sound daft to some but I feel a fraud if I now go asking for help, people had always come to me for help, car repairs, boat repairs and building repairs if I couldn:smiley:
’t do something I was lucky in that farther was an electrician, one uncle a gas fitter and the other a plumber dads gone and the uncle’s are both active but in their late 80’s so don’t do half the things they used to. Plus everything has moved on and I’m not 25 anymore 
though I try and believe that some people are keeping their distance to give me space to heal and there’s some that really don’t know what to do or say, when asked about the wife I try to be light hearted about it and say she has finally given up drinking, when asked how, well she died, yes there’s a whole host’s of reactions but it does break the ice and make people realise I’m still human I’m still me.
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Hi @Aubrey, I have been on this forum for some time as it is 8 months since I lost my wife, suddenly, unexpectedly and at home, your post resonates with me, I also feel she is still here with me, many people find it hard because they find their house is so empty and they don’t want to be there, it’s the opposite with me, it’s the only place I want to be, a good friend of mine lost his wife 6 years ago and still considers himself as still married, I am the same and I feel this will be the case for the rest of my life (just the wrong side of 70 now!) I don’t want it any other way, why would I want to change things after being with her for 54 years?
We have a lovely home that we got permission for after 40 years of battling! physically it is down to me to continue as we had planned, I do talk to her, consult with her,
Yes, I love her and yes I am still married, yes the pain of her death is unbearable but spiritually we continue to be together, as you said its not forced, it just is.
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I feel exactly he same apart from i cant leave the house, my hsband died 1 month ago today and i domt know how i am going to carry on. Just what is the point of spending the next say 20 years ( i am 56 ) just exisitng . I have no family apart from elderly mum and dont work so am just in house in limbo everyday and all i hear is it doesnt get any better - so why carry on
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