@Richard67 Similar to us; husband died on 8 Oct, he was only 56, and we didn’t have children, just two cats. One of them went to cat heaven just a month before J killed himself. I am left with our one remaining cat (she is 17 half yrs old, same as her sister that was put to sleep). So it’s inevitable catty won’t be here for ever, and I am dreading it.
I spent a lot of time alone, due to J’s work etc, and I enjoyed my own company, but this has blown it out of the water completely, it’s off the scale different. I can’t really go away for more than a couple of nights because of the cat, she is elderly etc. I have had friends stay over occasionally, but have spent most of the time alone. It’s pretty damn crap if the truth be known, but not sure how that can be resolved to be honest.
All the best
No you mustn’t think like that. 10 weeks for me today since I lost my husband. I feel all the same thoughts as most on here, what’s the point etc. But don’t think of the future at all, just exist in that moment honestly it does help. Don’t look ahead, it’s as much as you can do to get through each hour. Just put one foot in front of the other and breathe.
@Lost12 Same here, we had no children, we were also quite private people, didn’t really socialise as such. I only have a couple of ‘real’ friends, either overseas, or 200 miles away, so not really useful in situations like this. I am 6 weeks without him. We didn’t live in each others pockets, and I was always quite independent, but blimey, this is nothing like it at all. Have you joined any private online forums (similar to this one), where you could perhaps chat with someone on Skype or something like that?
I used to travel long haul on my own, and so am used to going away on my own, but I am dreading the first time I go away since J died, in case I panic and want to get home to be close to him.
I’ve joined a couple of grief forums but I really think actual people are so much more needed. I won’t know until try going away if it’s a good idea or not, fingers crossed.
I was such a strong indepenant person , i did everything a home and he worked. he bought me chainsaw one year, sit on lawn mower another i was very capable itraveled on my own , ski holidays on my own as husband hated skiing , just cancelled next years as cannot contemplate going. i cant believe how i feel now im scared to be in the house on my own but cant leave the house without being in floods on tears and panicking , couldnt change the batteries in remote control the other night . friends want to come see me but i just sit staring and dont want them here . I just cannot believe he is not here and im not going to see him again . just dont get how people carry on
@OnlyMe2 I’ve just been away for a week, my first time alone in over 15 years.
I ‘kind of’ took N with me… I had his photograph, the book I scribble in sometimes and my memorial ring, all of which brought some comfort.
I’m not saying it was easy, but I got through it, enjoyed most of it and I’m very glad I went. He’d have been quite proud of me, I think…
I am so sorry to hear of your experiences. That’s just pants! I sort of don’t have the right words, partially given the circumstances and if I’m honest partly as my good mate dragged me to the pub for too many beers!
Your strength is just superb.
So sorry, how long has it been since your loss? Your whole world has been tossed aside, the rug is pulled from under your feet. Life as you knew it doesn’t exist. Other people do not get it, they cannot unless they have been through the same loss. It’s been 10 weeks for me, yesterday I was asked if “I was over it”. I could not answer!!!
@Littleburty I feel the same and I am in a lot of ways in a similar situation. My wife Lillian died 7 weeks ago this coming Monday. It was very sudden and she was only 57. I also have no family other than my elderly mother but she lives 4 hours away in Scotland. Friends were very kind in the first week or so but they have drifted away and I very rarely have any visitors now.
The future without Lillian terrifies me. I am trying not to think about it and I’m attempting to get through each day as it comes. I have to get out of the house and be with people. The loneliness of being at home is unbearable. I have been to a few mental health support groups which weren’t specific to bereavement but they have helped a bit.
I go to sleep at night hoping Lillian will come back for me and take me with her. I am really struggling to live without her but @Lost12 is right, we can’t think like that. We still have a life to live (I am 58) and I keep telling myself that things will improve.
I am still at the stage where, if anything, I am feeling worse but people have said that is normal.
Losing Lillian has been the hardest and most traumatic event of my life. Everyone on here has been so lovely and kind. I really think I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for this forum and all the support and kind messages from everybody.
All I can say is to keep coming back here and let your feelings out. We are all going through the same nightmare and understand the awfulness of trying to cope with such a huge loss.
@Dave4 I know we are at similar stages (8 Oct for me, he was 56, it’s his birthday in a few days too), and I was doing ok…ish earlier this week, but the last few days I have really gone back several steps, espeically yesterday. There is no rhyme nor reason why this happens. It just does.
You offer good advice to Lost12, I too shall try and heed your advice.
Best,
@OnlyMe2 The sadness and the grief creeps up on me and washes over me like a giant wave. I know others have said that but that is exactly how it feels.
I am so sorry you have felt worse these last few days. I have too and it really is horrendous. I also have no real reason for feeling worse. I miss Lillian more than words can say so I just think it’s an accumulation of emotions which I have been unable to deal with.
I hope you get through your husband’s birthday the best you can. I am dreading Lillian’s birthday coming up but it’s not until May. To have to go through your husband’s birthday so soon is going to be hard and I really feel for you.
It must take everyone as it does me by surprise when we seem to be going backwards on this horrendous grief journey. It takes you by surprise, and the lows are so very very low. Sometimes in the morning which is my worst time I shout out my husband’s name crying terribly, luckily no one can hear me. X
It does feel like a giant way, it hits you, out of the blue. Knocking you off your feet, if I’m home when it happens I have to get out of it quickly get amongst people
Same here, we were inter-twined, we were one and we did anything and everything together - were only apart when we were at work.
It’s been over 18 months and I find myself loving him more and more each day I talk to him every morning, noon and night and write to him most days. So I totally resonate with what you say -he will never be in the past - to me too!
Thank you for sharing! Take care.
Yes just like us, so wonderful to have someone you feel so completely whole with. Who totally understood you, that’s why the loss is so great. When I’m walking alone, I say out loud telling him how much I love him, so wanting him back. Good wishes to you x