On August 8th whilst on holiday in the south of France I woke up to find my husband dead next to me. We were inseparable and Chris was only sixty six, healthy, fit and energetic.
We were each others first and only loves, devoted to each other, each a part of the other. We had spent forty four years together.
I tried to revive Chris until the emergency services arrived but he had been dead for several hours. I had to have him cremated in France and bring his ashes back to the U.K.
I have never been alone before, the pain of losing him has made me consider going to Switzerland for legal Euthanasia. We had no children and our friends are spread around the world.
I simply can’t make sense of this, am I being punished in some way?
This was not the end or our life story we had planned.
Hi @Za-za
I am sorry this has happened to you
My husband died suddenly cardiac arrest 13 months ago . Like your husband he was never ill . He was 64 when he died just days before his 65 birthday. We had been married 36 years .
We were also on holiday in Scotland
It is such a shock and hard to process what has happened.
I had counselling and attended a bereavement cafe both have helped me
If you haven’t already done so go and see your gp . And see if you can get some counselling. I know it is not for everyone
Take it one day at a time and don’t think too far ahead
I’m so sorry you understand this pain and confusion, it’s hard to articulate it to anyone who hasn’t experienced it.
I’m suffering with PTSD apparently and finding it hard to leave my home. Friends have been delivering paperwork to the solicitors and I have my groceries delivered.
Grief agoraphobia is quite common, the outside world seems frightening right now.
I will take your advice and so pleased you found some solace in counselling.
Dear @Za-za I am so sorry that you are in such intense pain. I can’t say I am surprised about the options you are considering as I can’t see much of a future for myself having lost my otherwise healthy 60 y/o husband of 35 years to sudden cardiac death 8 months ago. I do feel a lot better now than I did a few months ago, the pain is less intense so just know that in spite of the grief things to get a tiny bit easier after 3 or 4 months. Take care!
Hi @Za-za
My first 3 months were the worst I wanted to hid away from the world. I hardly went out . My son and daughter in law have been brilliant and ferried me everywhere.
I did have flashbacks called psd
I no longer have them , they gradually stopped.
Nobody understands unless they have been through it
@Andy53
I understand I was the same , so many plans gone in the blink of eye .
You will get there
I now have better days as well as some difficult days . I still take it one day at a time
I now live on my with my dog ,I do have support from my son and daughter in law
and one very good friend
Thank you for opening up and sharing this with the community. I’ve sent you a PM with further support, but please do keep reaching out on here when you need to !
Hi @Za-za So sorry you are in this awful nightmare. Everyone here knows what you`re going through, a common theme is the first 3 months or so are by far the worst, brutal and un-bearable. I felt suicidal at first, we had 44 years together, met Norm when I was 18, thought how on earth am I supposed to go on. Still do, but don`t even think about the future, just get through the day. Almost 7 months gone now, sadness and emptiness follow me everywhere, but I get out every day now, smile and say hello to every neighbour and stranger walking by, often short chats with them, can`t tolerate long conversations. Something shifts over the months going by, you realise sadly that life carries on, and somehow you manage to carry on. Eventually the odd day passes where you realise you had a little smile with someone, perhaps a couple of hours weren`t as hell as they had been. xxx
The price of love is pain. I shall remember these words when things get hard. Charlie and I were married for 57 years, he died 6 weeks ago. I too thought about ending the pain but understand that it is not just me that has these thoughts. x
I am so sorry for your loss and in such a sudden way i can not imagine that at least i had time to get used to the idear but i know what you mean about being alone i think everyone here feels the same but try to focus on the long happy life you were lucky to have with him how he made you laugh when you are down it helps me hope it helps you
