No friends...drowning in grief..

Been 5 months now since bri died…doctor keeps giving me tablets…as i cant stop crying…feel like my heart IS broken…money worries…just about paid for funeral…in arrears with mortgage/bills…dont care…too ill go back to work…just want to stop this physical pain i feel/loss of interest in anything…my family stay away…think thev’ve had enough of me…getting on with their own lives…wish i was with bri…x

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I wish i could say something to help you but I know I can’t.
I don’t have the financial problems but every part of has been destroyed , health , family relationships and the only thing I want is to be with my partner.
Could you ask Citizens Advice to help you sort out your finances? Or explain to the mortgage company whats happened and ask them to give you a mortgage break? Could you talk to somebody at work and ask for time off/ half day working?
I hope you can find some help and support. Sadme

.oh Pat 57 I’m do sorry for your loss. I cant begin to imagine what it’s like to lose your life partner although my mum passed 6 months ago so I can relate to the pain. It sounds like you really need support . If you get on with your family please open up to them how much you are suffering. Or go back to your doctor and get some counselling although you can self refer to a lot of places. As for your money issues. Get in touch with your mortgage company as they should have in place help for your situation. Please dont give up although it must be so difficult to think any differently at the moment. Please use this forum as it does bring comfort especially if you can talk to others in your situation. Well it does for me. The pain must be unbearable for you. I can relate to that. It feels like your heart is being stamped on . Love to you xx

Pat57, you’ll never been alone. Come on here and have a chat. Have you checked if you can get any benefits? The CAB are the best people to talk to ,as the can negotiate on your behalf and even get bills written off in extreme circumstances. For instance electricity bills. Also have a look at the Martin Lewis benefit checker.

I lost my Mum suddenly and I’m not in the best state either. Take care.

Hi Pat57,
I’m so sorry to hear about Bri. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really overwhelmed.
I think you could really do with some support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116123, or
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
I like Sadme’s advice about talking to Citizen’s Advice, their page explaining bereavement benefits is here:
You deserve care and support so please, Pat, get in touch with one of these services.
If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999, go to A&E or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
Take care,

Oh Pat…tablets wont stop your crying…I too lost my partner Richard of 20 years, we met in our later life, i lost him 11th April 2019…it is his 75th Birthday today, he is spending this in Heaven…and hand on heart i have not had one day without crying…

Pat, contact Age UK…they can help with money entitlements…


Anyway… why is it that our Doctors think crying after a bereavement is a medical condition…I have always said, medication-anti-depressants is their answer to everything, they dish them out willy-nilly…far to quickly and easily in my opinion, the cure everything, our miracle cure…

I lost my wife 15 months ago and I felt like that I did not want people around me I shut myself off from everyone and it’s very hard to pick your self up I found talking to people a great help the heart ache never goes away but I know i have to live with it and I talk to my wife every morning and night and it’s like she is with me and that also helps me take care

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yes Jackie I agree. Medication isn’t the answer. I’m coming up to my last counselling shortly which I am not happy about as I feel more anxious now than when I did when Alan first passed away. So their answer is well if you are feeling as low as you are you should go to your gp. I don’t want medication and when I took Alan to gp and asked him to refer him to hospital in December he wouldn’t. Medication just masks the problem it doesn’t cure it. A bereavement cannot be cured, it has to be worked at as a relationship does. It will never go away but they say it gets easier with time. I find that hard to believe as yet. How can we get used to not having our special person by our side. We won’t it’s as simple as that, but I will not take medication for it. Janet xx

Dear Pat57, I feel so sad for you, have you looked into financial help say from your employers, maybe there is a benevolent fund. I am just wondering.

When I was diagnosed with Porphyria, I was so low and depressed, my consultant advised me to see my GP, which I did. She was wonderful and prescribe me Seroxat, apparently, Porphyria stops you from making the mood hormone, I have been taking these pills for over 20 years. I shovel them down, most gratefully every day.

Well that is good as it obviously works for you. I have never been big on taking pills. If I get a headache I will leave it days to see if it will go on its own. If not I may have one paracetamol. But I rarely get headaches anyway. I took a paracetamol 2 or 3 weeks ago for a backache, whilst I was at work, nearing the end of my nine and a half hour shift. It was so bad it was making me feel sick. That was the first one I had taken in years and when I got home I looked at the date on the packet, it was 15 years out of date. Janet xx

… i am the same, i wont become a pill-popper if i can avoid it…I guess in some ways i am thankful that there are no disease modifying drugs on the market apart from one now that has been approved in UK but previously declined due to it being too costly to NICE for Primary Progressive MS but i wont get it nor do i want it as it like all the others, nothing will cure our MS…and they will all have their bad side effects anyway…as if living with MS isn’t bad enough i would not welcome being doped up as well, and having to still cope with my loss of Richard and everything i have had to do since…
As for ant-depresants, i had a breakdown over the phone when talking to my Age UK back in August and the person on the other end got straight on the phone to my Doctor, and low and behold all she offered was medicaion, well i said i was not going on medication as it wont bring my Richard back, it wont bring my three dogs back, it wont get rid of my MS, they delivered it anyway after i said ok i will accept it but dont expect me to take it, well i never, and later i gave it back to the chemist driver to take back to the shop for disposal or whatever they do, the pack was unopened…
At the time when i was being pressured by so many do gooders, advising me, telling me to take medication for my depression, i kept saying to them, no, i need to keep a clear head, i have things to do, things to sort out,


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And my Richard knew how i felt about all the medications he was taking, he knew my feelings that if anything kills him it will be all the c***p you are taking but his words to me were " if they are keeping me alive…" well they didn’t keep him alive…


hi Pat57
very sorry for the loss of Bri .hope you can get help with your finances.and that your family wake up to what you are going through and give comfort and help as oppose to keeping away. no idea why so many on here have families that apparently dont give a toss.sad sad world we live in .sorry im of no help.

Pat there’s not much I can say. But I do no taking pills doesn’t always help see if you can see a counciler I don’t no where you work but if you see your manager /boss thay may be able to put you in touch with some one I see some one recommended by the macmillan she very good been thought it and I find I can say anything to her it helps to get it out. I never thought I would be able to discuss things with a stranger but it’s so much easier than people you no its been just over 6 months for me there are bad day and better ones now and I am back to work though that Isent always good but I hope the route will help and yes finances are hard trust that you can get through this love cj

Taking pills does help me, they do not mask my emotions, I can still think for myself. If help is there then take it, is my motto.

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Some people do need medication and they will just not function without it.

Having MS which is the central nervous system, and brain stem damage, i personally plan on keeping well clear of anything that might make matters worse for me-interfere with what is already happening to my body…But this is a personal thing, if it works well for someone, so be it, and they are benefiting through it, that is a plus…Although i would not be wishing to rely on it for years to come…Maybe for an able bodied person, taking up yoga-pilates or Tai-Chi might be a more calming way of coping…I once done Tai-Chi-Chuan, a good 15 plus years ago, way before my MS showed itself…In-fact i once done all three…


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I’ve studied tai chi (yang) for several years - short form. Even thinking of the moves can calm me. It is possible to get health benefits from chair based tai chi.