I was looking for a birthday card for a friend of mine and then I saw a birthday day card for a wife. I was crying because I know that there will be never again cards and presents or flowers from my beloved husband. Not for birthdays (mine is in August), not for Easter, Christmas, or Anniversaries. No more holiday bookings. No more Royal Albert Hall bookings for concerts or opera. It is a bleak future I am facing because I do not enjoy anything no more - not even reading or listening to music or watching films. I hate my existence. Sending love and hugs to everyone.
It’s difficult isn’t it. I was choosing a father’s day card for my dad and my daughter began to cry as she saw a perfect one for her step dad, my partner. He was the closest person to a father that she had and we both ended up crying in the card aisle in Tesco. God knows what people think but I just cry when I need to.
Life will never be the same, always different.
I started crying because the bus passed Asda. Because of my hay fever, nobody noticed but I would not care at all. My existence, my tears, my pain. Who cares what other people think? Sending lots of love and hugs to you and your daughter.
A few weeks ago I went to a perfume shop to treat myself. I nearly picked something up for my husband and then I remembered he is not waiting for me at home. What a terrible nightmare we are all existing in. Sending you lots of love and hugs.
I know …how can you go to any of these things by yourself ? You cant can you ? It just messes so much with you life ! Apart from damn well missing them too obviously ! What hurt meostbin those early days was not being able to talk to him ! We were so good at just chatting about not very important stuff really xxxx
Yes, just sitting on the couch, holding hands, having a laugh, eating snacks, watching stupid films, listening to music, dancing in the kitchen… it will never happen again. The nightmare continues. Sending love and hugs.
Sending love and hugs back to you too ! I wish people would try and understand how hard it is for us ? My stupid family don’t want to get it ! You know after this ive decided im not speaking to any of them again ! Im done ! My husband is not here to comfort me and they havent lifted a finger to try Xx
Sometimes the family can be your worst enemy, although they should be the ones to support you. Been there, and got the T-shirt. I contacted them as my Mum died in 2000 and they did not even get in touch with me or send a card, and we did so much for them. I did not contact them to inform them that my husband died. Why should I? They don’t want any contact so I am.
I know my three children have really struggled with Fathers Day. It’s a first for them and they’ve found it painful. I remember my birthday in February. I had lots of lovely cards but the only one I could see was the one that wasn’t there (if that makes sense). It just felt incomplete. I’m so sorry for your losses. I also cry when I need to. I think holding everything in is just storing up trouble for the future. Love and cuddles to you all. Jean xx.
Ah @Deb5 , I’m sorry your family are still being unhelpful and unsupportive. I thought they might have rallied round by now xx.
Ha ! You must be joking ! Theyre too in love with themselves ! X im afraid “have a nice birthday” doesnt quite cut the mustard ! Too little too late !!! Im thinking of selling my house and moving to the coast actually so i can get as far away from them all as i can ! And actually i wont tell them ! I will just go !! X
Well that old saying - you can choose your friends but nit your family ! So true ! They’re actually idiots @ Grrhh … mine just make me sooo angry ! Theyre so useless ! My husband wouldve been so appalled at their behaviour he protected me from all the crap but he cant do it anymore and now i have to find a way forward Xx
Hello my lovelies,
I do understand and get all the comments about cards.
Such simple gestures, but oh so significant.
A few weeks ago when I was looking for birthday cards for various people I spotted a card that I would have liked for my husband. It stopped me in my tracks. It just had words on the front. It said BRILLIANT HUSBAND … YOU REALLY ARE THE BEST.
I just had to buy it. Brought it home, wrote in it, and put it up.
It is still up…don’t think I’ll ever take it down now.
We had a tradition for our Anniversary, Christmas and Valentine’s Day, where we’d used the same cards to each other each year, so ofcourse on the occasions this year (I’m still in the firsts of everything) I got them out and put them up. And will do every year.
Fathers day this year (we have no children of our own) but two dogs. I always brought Phil a card and gift from our now 8 year old dog. We now have a puppy too (who we had at home for 12 days before Phil died).
So I bought 2 cards , one from each of them, and wrote in them.
I think ALL my family, and some friends think I’m mad!!!
I don’t care. It’s how I cope. It’s how I keep him alive.
Phil’s step-daughter from his previous marriage actually sent him a father’s day card too this year. I had to go and collect it though, and pay extra postage, as she hadn’t put correct stamps on. I didn’t mind. I was happy that she was so thoughtful. And Phil would have laughed, and been cross, because she’s done that lots of times before (usually standard stamps on large letters!)
On his birthday this year, (6 weeks after he died ) I found some of his cards from year before. (I’d kept ones from significant people) so I put them up. They will go up every year now.
Christmas (4 months after) I hated getting cards. Really hated.
The only ones I put up where those where the sender’s had put Phil’s name in them. ( The others just went in a pile)
I still, and always will sign all cards I give, with his name in , when I send to anyone. And again, I don’t care what people think of that.
Dreading my birthday. I do have some cards from him in previous years, so I’ll put them up - he hadn’t bought me a card in recent years, as he couldn’t go out without my help. He’d wave his credit card at me, and tell me to buy myself some flowers. So I suppose I’ll do that.
We all cope in our own ways. It’s called surviving.
Big hugs to you all
I’m totally with you @Cathphil I put my husbands name on all cards I send. He is still with me and I will not let him be forgotten x
@Lonely I’m sad to hear about your sons attitude. Maybe it’s a general male attitude. I promised my Dad before Christmas that I’d look after my mum for him in one of those conversations out of nowhere. I hope I’m doing a good job. I’ve been there every step of the way so far. The worst bit was phoning her from hospital to tell her he’d gone & the howl of pain from the end of the phone will stay with me forever. I’ve even bought her a gift for her Birthday next week on his behalf. My older brothers, like your sons don’t think like me. I hope you have people you can count on & just to let you know, I love your posts & I read them to my mum. Xx
I have four sons. Two them, 2nd and 4th, have been and still are perfect sons. They have visited and looked after me for over two and a half years since I lost my soulmate. I feel I wouldn’t have survived this long without them, along with a granddaughter and grandson. The other two are good sons in their own ways but they have not been so supportive. I think it’s more that we are all different rather that what sex we are. Number two son is on holiday with his wife but he has still phoned me to see how I am. I feel that their support has helped to find a new way of living with a new group of friends who are mostly widows like me.
@Lonely Bless you, I think next time you need something you should tell them that sometimes you need support. My youngest brother did say after my dad died: Mum’ll be alright, she’s as hard as nails. I had to tell him that her life was invested in Dad & he should be more sensitive. He didn’t say much after that. I just wish ppl would think before they speak. Maybe they’re more internal ppl & feel their dad’s loss more than you think. Some don’t express it well so it comes across as indifference. X
@Carol9 my apologies if my post came across as male bashing, I think what I meant was girls are generally closer to their mum’s & sensitive to their needs. You’re right tho it probably is more of a character thing so no offence intended. We all deal with grief differently
I live on the coast. It’s lovely.
Yes I’ve always been told that but both my sisters have a son and daughter and they both say they are much closer to their sons. I am very close to my oldest granddaughter who is 31 and has presented me with 3 great grandchildren. We are all so different.