It’s been a long time since I posted on here but today I just had to.
Yesterday was the second anniversary of when my husband, Ian, passed away only seven weeks after he was given a terminal diagnosis.
To me, it seems like yesterday but to many others, family and friends, it’s as if he never existed. I only received two messages from people who knew him, everyone else was silent . I didn’t want the messages for me but for Ian and to show that people still remembered him.
Perhaps I’m being too sensitive but where are the masses that sent flowers and cards!!! His brother and sister in law and one of my sisters were one of the silent masses.
It’s no wonder we are expected to move on as nearly everyone else did so immediately.
I’m sure people do remember him and for far more than just one day of the year. I know it would hurt me too but he won’t be on people’s minds like he is on yours.
I will always remember the date my partner died but I doubt everyone will without a gentle reminder from me.
Why do people not mention the one’s that have passed away? After the initial period I find that nobody talks about my husband. It’s only been 11 weeks and I find this really difficult. Maybe they are trying to save my feelings but I want people to still talk about him. Sometimes it’s like he only existed to me
It is truly sad when others forget so easily.
You are more important and hold him dear in your heart thats what counts. Sending love xx
Oh … your story is so like mine ! Except i know for a fact that most of my family moved on after the funeral … didnt check i was ok, how i was coping etc ! They didnt give a frig ! This is my own siblings and children 2 of which are still not speaking to me but one is ! And apart from 1 brother who was there all way through his illness … my husband was same got terminal diagnosis and only survived 6 weeks … its so unfair isnt it !! feel so alone without him … i miss him everyday … pain gets less bad from beginning ( 6 months ago he passed) but it messes with your life in so many ways im having bereavment counselling so hope that helps me …
You know what made me laugh a brother and a sister sent me a happy birthday message yesterday… still no mention of how am i coping without my husband of 35 years ! Wow - just wow !!! My brother got a right mouthful - told him theyre all in denial !! xxx
It was only after seeing an ‘ad’ on the telly this morning that I thought I would ‘suss’ out what this site was all about and I am so glad I have decided to sign up to it.
Yours has been the first message I have read and I do not know the ‘in’s’ and 'out’s ’ of your story but I too lost my husband over ten years ago within days of our 35th wedding anniversary so I understand how difficult it is to think of a life without someone who had dominated yours for so long. I found my own way of tackling my grief so am happy to share that with you, and the wider audience here, whenever anyone is ready. Keep your chin up ! Nice to have made your acquaintance!
Thsnks @scarlett566 please do share your story … im just so disappointed in how my family have dealt with mine : my husband was a father, grandad, brother and a brother in law and yet so many people have just run away from it ! I know its not a nice thing but i have to face it every day … every time i see the empty space beside me or just miss our chats ! My life has changed so much ! Theres hasnt !!! X
Hello Deb5 - I haven’t quite got my head around this online stuff so do you want me to share it here or personally? I am out to help as many people as I can?? x
@scarlett566 I too would love to hear your story. It’s only been 11 weeks since my husband passed away but I’m struggling to imagine any sort of meaningful future. I have friends and family but they are moving on and I don’t think they understand how difficult life is for me.
Hello Jan17 - ooh… things are still very ‘raw’ for you. I have a brilliant family but no, no-one can fully understand how grief can affect someone unless they are experiencing it first hand. Someone else was interested in hearing my story and as I had said to her (presuming it is a ‘her’) would you prefer I share my story of how I am trying to cope online or on a private message? Take care x
Its totally up to you. You can share it with us all if u like ? Or private message me ? xx
The idea of here is to share experiences with others is it not, so I am hoping others can benefit from my own experience. Can I ask? Has anyone lost anyone lost their loved ones as a result of clinical ‘mishaps’ in hospital as my story is more likely to resonate with people? Either way, it is still important to keep the person’s memory ‘alive’ as I have tried to do??
@scarlett566 I’m happy for you to share in whatever way you feel comfortable. My husband passed away after a nearly four year battle with cancer so in different circumstances from yourself. However I’m sure a lot of our grief journeys have lots of similarities too.
@Trixie1 So true. I had hardly any friends as Sharon and I were basically exclusive - we only wanted to be with each other 24/7.
Two of Sharon’s friend’s (and therefor sort of mine) were really supportive until last month. Then, once I’d passed a year…nothing. Clearly they think either I’m “over it” or they are bored with me just taking about Sharon whenever we meet.
And of my two sons, one has totally isolated me so I don’t see him or my grandchildren because his wife was “offended” that I repeatedly refused to get off with her (single) Mum - and worse replace Sharon with her as “nanny and grandad”. I assure you that is exactly true.
And will people stop fekkin telling me how strong I am and have moved on! I haven’t!
@Deb5 yep… HTF can people wish me HAPPY birthday or HAPPY Christmas??? Just show they don’t have a Scooby…
I so understand what you are saying sadly. Friends and family disappear. Even my grown up kids are hardly around these days or check in with me.
Its a lonely time and yes people saying you are strong…scream!
Sending love and hugs xx
I’ve actually tried asking people not to send cards but they just ignore my wishes. It has made me wonder who they are doing it for, certainly not me!
We were like you Dennis and I were a quite exclusive couple loved each others company.
Others are scared as its far away from their experience they do not want to be involved it may be catching.
Yeah totally yet you ALL…
“You’re so strong!!! You’re doing really well”
NO I’M BLOODY NOT!!!
IM COMPLETELY BROKEN!!!
I’LL NEVER BE OKAY AGAIN!!!
Why is that so hard for people to understand!!
Big hugs , my friends on here who get it