Hello everyone,
As time has passed since my boyfriend died, it seems like no one mentions him anymore. Our mutual friends never bring him up, and neither does my family. It’s like his name has become tabboo. I feel so alone in my grief, it feels 10 times harder since no one wants to talk about it.
We will talk to you about him. Tell us about you and him. Weve all been there!!!
Hi.
I had dinner at my daughters on Saturday night with most of my family.
Before,during and after we spoke about nothing else than wife,mum,grandma.
All it takes is one person to bring up a funny anecdote or event and I find the flood gates of memories open and are talked about.
I hope it can work for you.
Ron
@Capy
I’ve felt that way so often too… sometimes it’s because they think they might upset me by talking about it, but the flip side is that they’re mourning him too and maybe they’ll be upset…
Nevertheless, I talk about him to people around me, so they can choose to join in and support me with their own story or they can go away… I don’t care what they do, he’s still a massive part of my life and I want him to be acknowledged.
Keep talking, we’ve got your back! 
@Capy I often feel that way too and it is so upsetting.
My kids and I talk about him all the time, even though it still makes us sad at times, but his family or mine just avoid all talk about him.
Friends look dismayed when I drop his name into conversation, but he is still a huge part of my life and so it’s only natural I’ll talk about him.
I don’t want people to forget him or our love for one another.
Why not try talking about him with a trusted person and see how it goes - they may just not want to upset you. Xx
Hello @Capy .
How difficult it can be. I can honestly say, that even after more than seven years, my husband’s name is mentioned every single day. It might be at work, with family or friends or even professionally. I would say don’t hold back for the sake of others, do what’s right for you. For your partner’s name to crop up during conversation is only natural, he existed, he exists still, in your heart. Go with the flow and before you know it you will be uttering his name without even realising it and it will come to sound so normal. x
Well having had an OK ish weekend,dinner with family Saturday night,having a giggle with a cyber friend on Sunday,managing to actually cook a meal,showered and took myself off to bed with my friendly cup of hot chocolate.
This morning a bit different that grief cloud re-appeared,chopping logs has worked before so as it’s a nice day I am gonna do some more.
If you hear a bloke screaming and cursing you will know why.
Shout and curse as much as you like @Ron11 … it’s great therapy.
You don’t need to mind your P’s and Q’s but please mind your fingers!
Hope the log chopping works, I had a reasonably good day yesterday apart from getting soaked to the skin in a downpour but the gloom has raised its ugly head again today.
I felt like this after my husband died with his family because they never mentioned him. I just continued to talk about him and now they are better and will say something. Maybe by you continuing to talk about him they will realise it is OK to do so. 
Keep the noise down, Ron! Some of us are trying to relax.
I know all about pruning your fingers, my thumb is still throbbing from tearing a lump out of it on Saturday.
I am having a tricky day as well. I needed to get warmer clothes out of the ‘spare’ wardrobe. That means that I have to put away all the clothes I got out ready for a summer of fun and cuddles. We had a few short breaks booked.
I am continuously pole-axed by things. I know he has died, but when these things crop up it’s like losing him over and over again. A dress he particularly liked, a skirt that I last wore on holiday. A swimsuit I wore when we went swimming in a very cold lake. It is relentless.
Those old grief bombs are exploding all around.
Time to go outside. I haven’t got any logs to chop, but I do have plenty of weeds to pull up. It is Tai Chi night, so I am hoping to be all ‘Zen’ later, whatever that means. If not, three cans of Bud Light might do the trick.
Xx
He was the nicest person ever. Whenever I would feel aad he would talk it out with me, and it felt like I always had him cheering me on through the hard times.
It might sound ridiculous, but when I first learnt of his death my first instict was to write him a message looking for his help with how upset I was.
Every little thing reminds me of him. I almost broke down crying in university when I saw someone with a capybara keychain, because they were his favorite animal. I was learning german bc he was from there, so I could speak german with his mom. Now whenever I have german homework I feel so sad because he isn’t there to help me with it.
I read a phrase ages ago and I relate to it so much. It was something like “I don’t hate you, I hate your absence”. Pretty much sums up how I feel right now.
Thank you so much for listening
I think the problem for me is that I’m so young, and so are my friends. It feels like my friends want to help me through it but also don’t know how to approach it, early 20s it’s so uncommon to deal with the loss of a friend and someone grieving their partner. Feels like we are all just lost as to how to move forward. I have tried to bring him up sometimes, but I can feel the awkwardness and pain when I bring him up so I have stopped. Just feels like a shame, because he was a great person that deserves to be remembered.
Oh so young. My heart aches for you. Please keep posting on here, if it helps and perhaps tell us a bit more about your lost love. We are ready to listen. xx
Oh and may I say @Capy , you are never alone in your grief, not whilst you’re on this forum. This is where you will get the most understanding. Sending hugs x
Never, never think about not talking about them it really helps you, it also upsets and causes tears but that is grieving it’s very painful.
It also keeps their memory alive and relieves some of the stress within you.
So go on talk to them and about them them when ever you fell like doing so. I do
Hi Capy
Just an idea , Who apart from you, Was close to your boyfriend.
Maybe you could confide in them, And hopefully they will
understand your need to talk about your boyfriend.
Oh and age is but a number, No matter how old you are , The hurt and
heartbreak felt can be extemely immense
Heres hoping a few other members reach out with some comforting
empathetic words of support.
Dont be afraid to reach out as and when you need to.
There will always be members reading the posts.
Ready to reply with comforting words.
Talk about them here.
My husband left details of his wishes for a direct cremation and unattended scattering of ashes.
I carried out his wishes but I felt the need to tell his story here as there was no eulogy anywhere else.
It gave me some of the closure people talk about.
So, if it helps, we are all here to listen.
Wishing you love and strength.
Xx
Thank you so much for the kind words. I tried talking with a mutual friend yesterday, it was a very superficial conversation but she convinced me to go to a barbeque with some other friends. I had a good time and it helped, even if I didn’t talk about him with my friends.
Hi, thank you so much for responding. My boyfriend sadly did not leave any wishes, as his death was unexpected. I understand what you mean about wanting to tell his story. I wasn’t able to go to the funeral so I think I have a lot of things left unsaid that I just carry with me.
What hurts for me the most is that his life was tragic. He was starting to remake his life near when he died, starting schooling again and finding a way to leave his toxic household. His sister told me the only good years he had in his life were the 4 he spent with me, and instead of being comforting that caused me so much pain. I feel like I don’t only mourn him, but also the life he may had led had he not passed.