@Tracybe90 I like to think we are all friends on here and we support each other, hope your okay. Take care x
Hi. I had achieved the control of my thoughts some time ago, before my bereavement (luckily). The principle was the same, I suffered from PTSD where my thinking pattern had become distorted and kept digging out the bad memories from the past and putting them into my future to upset me. I had nightmares and very bad anxiety from this, but now it never happens.
I resolved this by Solution Focussed Hypnotherapy. This is absolutely different from what we see on tv and the stage. We are talked into deep relaxation (almost like a trance).
Then the hypnotist then talks to our subconcious and our brains change how the different parts talk to others. In simple terms my brain wiring had got confused and wasnt talking to the right parts. So the wiring learns to work differently, the scientific brain boxes call it neuroplasticity. Dr Phil on youtube uses this term many times
It’s a bit like driving a car, when how many times do you have to give active thought to stop at a red light, and the answer is never. When I play my ukulele and guitar, I dont have to think, my muscle memory has learnt what to do without me telling which finger goes where. The principle is the same.
I found a hypnotherapist who treated me by Zoom consultations, and after10 weekly sessions, the problem had totally disappeared. I can now spot the negative thoughts (which cause emotions) and just ignore them, trying to replace them with really nice thoughts, such as the evening she agreed to marry me 
If you wish, I can put you in contact with my hypnotherapist. Remember it needs to be Solution Focussed, not common or garden sending us to sleep.
Here’s a link which explains it from the therapists viewpoint.
But I think the success needs us to be totally honest and openminded about ourselves. If we just go through the motions expecting him to fix us, it wont work. He coaches us to mend ourselves.
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Hi Tykey, Many thanks for the link. I’ll look into it…it sounds really fascinating and good. Am so sorry for the loss of your wife. You were certainly fortunate to have enjoyed so many years together ! My soulmate was unexpectedly ripped away in September of '21 after 28 years of enjoying and exploring life together. You really sound very upbeat which is wonderful…especially on this site where most people are struggling with pain and sorrow. It’s quite refreshing to read your story. Thank you…all the best…Pipsi
@tykey wow that sounds amazing if you could send me their details I would be very grateful it’s definitely something to think about I suffer with bpd (borderline personality disorder) and severe depression and anxiety I too have alot of nightmares which are very hard to deal with on a daily basis and I think this could potentially really help me sort my head out! It sounds like it’s really been a success for you which is wonderful. Sorry if this sounds silly but is it abit like cbt? Anyway thanks so much for sharing this strategy with us, greatly appreciated 
. Take care x
Hi Stargirl. I had done some CBT, and it was helpful in understanding WHY I was thinking like I did, but did nothing to change it, so any improvement was short lived. This approach concentrates on how we want our future to be, that’s why it’s “Solution focussed”. I’ll check with him that he’s happy to be consulted and message you the contact details.
Hang in there. My nightmares are a thing of the past. Of course I still get a bit lonely from time to time, have few tears, am angry at myself,and I’m often extremely sad and miss her. I don’t blank out everything, but my thoughts stay in check and don’t define how my life is now going to be.
Hi there, sorry you haven’t had any replies, I had exactly the same happen to me. So I haven’t posted since…
it put me off as I thought it was a support group.
I’m sorry for your loss, it leaves a massive hole and it’s difficult to pick yourself back up. Everyone is different and learns to cope with the grief in different ways.
It’s been a year since I lost my mum and I miss her very much.
I am here if you would like to chat ? 
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Hi @Jo.72 I’m really sorry you never got a response, I try and reply to anyone who posts as no one should feel alone especially here, I’m here if you would like to chat as I am for everyone else here xxx
Jo72, so sorry about your loss and that you didn’t get the support that might help.
I still remember losing my mum when I was 21, such a shock. I somehow managed to pick my life up but my wife of 26 years passed away 8 weeks ago and the emotions I feel are horrific.
I have found this site can help and I guess sometimes posts get overlooked as people are struggling and not able to reply. I am here to chat if I can help and wish you all the love in the future.
Joe x
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Hi @Jo.72 thanks for reaching out, sorry to hear you haven’t had much luck with this forum I am always happy to chat and offer any help I can as I think it’s so important that we all help each other. Grief can be such a lonely process and we need to look out for everyone. Take care xx
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