Hi Stargirl, I was never one for asking for help but have realised this is not something I can do alone. I think most people are decent and would be happy to offer, Just a chat or shoulder to cry on has made things easier for me. Everyone is different with how we deal with things , for me being able to talk with a counsellor or friend has been a great help. Hope you manage to find some peace and relief in your life.
Joe x
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@joeb40 maybe it’s something I should look into, I find this forum very helpful though, everyone is so nice and really want to help each other through the hard times. Thanks for your response, take care x
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Hi there! I am so sorry about your 2 losses.
Grieving is lonely and no one has a magic wand to make us be who we were before. I barely write over here and I am struggling without my husband. Life became pointless and boring. I just complai and sick and tired of family who tell me to be strong. Tell me how? There’s no medicine, no therapy that will take this pain away. I will never be the same anymore!
So sorry for being straight forward but that’s the truth!
Work is what keeps you holding all the strings together! I ride my bike and it helps a little but vert lonely!
Take care my dear!
Xx
Elen
Hi stargirl93
Sorry it seems that know body is talking sometimes, maybe they busy, or maybe finding it hard to connect to people in this what and probably don’t know what to say but there are people who will talk to you.
May I ask what happened?
My dad was nurses at home by me and my 4 brothers, it was a relatively a short illness, didn’t think he had cancer, it started with early onset dementia then scans for cancer and eventually passed away at home, I lost my mum when I was 39 and dad last year 46, I have no grandparents no mum and dad both passed away with cancer.
I’m still grieving and still think at times my dad is there but he isn’t, I have to learn to accept he isn’t, or I won’t move on, I’m trying my hardest but I do have good and lots of bad days but eventually I get there, I live in rehearsal east and dad is in West Midlands so I have to commute to see him 
be nice to hear off you
Take care 
Morning Stargirl, hoping you are okay, (whatever that means?) I am finding life very up and down at the moment.
For me it helps if I have something to do, although I struggle at work being around other people can be distracting and give me a sense of purpose.
Today I have no plans and am alone at home which leads me to think too much about my beautiful wife and all the emotions that come with it.
I actually managed to do a charity skydive Thursday, my wife called me a “bloody idiot” when I told her about six months ago, I had to go through with it in case she was watching and also it was for brain tumour research. The whole day went quickly and was probably the best day I have had since her passing.
Back to today and all the negativity seem to be back, I could be doing chores and taking my mind off certain emotions but am currently here thinking “why bother.”
I sort of know now how I can help myself but the reality is I have lost motivation.
Apologies, I did reply meaning to be upbeat and say how people have coped and found their peace, thinking of my wife has changed my conversation!
I hope you and everyone find solace at some point.
Joe x
Please don’t get disheartened. I too get very little response but it’s worth remembering that those who use this site are also grieving.
Have you tried responding to others? … sometimes we have to give before we get and always be mindful that we all need support and encouragement at different times and everyone is as important as anyone else.
Please don’t think I am being critical, far from it. Sites such as this are not suitable for everyone and you may feel you need one to one counselling rather than what this has to offer.
I do hope this will encourage you to keep going.
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@joeb40 hi, I’m okay today feeling a little more normal, wow a sky dive that sounds insane! I could never do anything like that but hats off to you for doing it must have been quite the thrill. Your wife would have been proud! I know far too well what it’s like to have no motivation it’s so hard to even do the little things but I guess you just have to push yourself a little more everyday. Hope you have more good days than bad. Take care x
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@Beth123 hi how are you? Thanks for reaching out I appreciate it, I hear what your saying and I’m finding that more people are replying and giving out advice and support also so am I. I would like to think that I’m helping others too.
Take care x
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Thanks Stargirl, I think you are right, you do need to push yourself. I have had a crappy day and realise that it’s because I haven’t done anything positive which I know doesn’t help. I appreciate your support and glad you are a “little more normal.”
Joe x
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@joeb40 no problem, glad I can help, by the way I forgot to ask how much did you raise for the charity sky dive ? Thank you too for the kind words and support it really does make a difference x
So far just over £2,300 for the brain tumour research charity. I work on a neuro ward at a hospital and hopefully it will help.
Cheers Stargirl you seem a lovely person, good luck to you in the future.x
Joe
Wow! Thats amazing! Congratulations you should be so proud!! Thank you, you seem really lovely too good luck be nice to chat again soon, take care x
If we each help one another just a little the result can be amazing, so keep going just one day at a time and remember that others really do care . x
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Dear Stargirl93, Many thanks for sharing your story. You certainly had to endure much sorrow and hardship with both your sister and mum. You are indeed so fortunate to have such an amazingly strong and supportive fiancé.
I’ve noticed that quite a few people have written you since I wrote…which is good. You’ve asked for advice/support. Support is the easier of the two because probably everyone who has suffered loss of a loved one can relate…so you will find support on grief sites such as this, Sue Ryder. Have you tried contacting ‘Samaritans’ ? They have an amazing group of people working there. You can call them or email them. I have found them to be wonderfully supportive. caring, and helpful especially in my early days of grieving.
Re. advice…this is so personal as it’s hard to know what works for each individual. Here are some suggestions that might help: Breathe deeply and slowly, listen to music you find soothing, take walks, preferably in Nature, count backwards out-loud from 100 till you feel calmer, progressive relaxation, eat some dark chocolate, cuddle with a pet, pour some cold/cool water over your wrists, or write about your feelings.
I do hope you’ll find some modicum of equilibrium soon. Take care…Pipsi
@Pipsi hi thanks for getting back to me, I have tried samaritans and they have helped me but I do really like this forum I find the people on here very kind and caring and they really do want to help each other. Thank you for all your suggestions and I will definitely give them a try. Take care x
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Hi Stargirl, after a slow start you are now getting a lot of support from all these caring people. You are obviously a thoughtful person, which can make it a more difficult journey, always thinking and analysing your thoughts. I’m highly qualified in regurgitating thoughts and turning them over in my brain, upsetting myself without achieving anything.
Once I realised this, I had a course of results -focussed -hypnotherapy which taught me that my feelings weren’t the issue, it was my thoughts creating my feelings. Control my thoughts, and the emotional feelings drain away. It’s been a great success for me.
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@tykey hi thanks for your comments, I’m glad to hear that you have had a break through. How exactly did you do it? Maybe I could give it a go? Thanks for reaching out, take care x
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Well spoken, Tykey. You must be a very strong-minded person to accomplish controlling your thoughts. Isn’t it hard ? How do you stop these thoughts from welling up ? Thanks…Pipsi
If you find out let me know! It comes like a tornado 
, all of a sudden and very destructive
Thank you so much!
Elen
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Hi everyone , so many kind and wonderful words said by so many caring people. I wish I had you all as close friends as I really don’t have anyone at the moment. I think the worse thing is finding out the people you thought would be there, just aren’t. Especially as I’d given so much support to others. It feels like a real kick in the teeth. I hope everyone has had a wonderful weekend. X
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