I lost my husband unexpected to an aggressive cancer 17 weeks ago. At first everyone wanted to contact me, lots of old friends came to his funeral, and lots of locals said, let’s go out for a drink/walk/chat. Even my brother, a recluse, checks to see if I need anything. And Trev’s brother phones me but I know he’s grieving too and don’t want to make him feel worse.
Now I feel alone. I’ve never been able to share my feelings easily with others, I could only ever really talk to my husband. I still do, talk to his pictures, to my phone, to him every day at the special place where I scattered his ashes, but I don’t have anyone to TALK TO. Life is just an existence, I feel as if everyone thinks I should be back to “normal” by now. But I still cry when I’m alone, and feel like crying even when I’m with others. I feel as if I have to “put on a good show” and I’m sick to death of hearing people say how well I’m getting over it. As if. We’d been together 45 years and I don’t think I’ll ever “get over it”. I wonder how we get through this and survive.
I’m starting to be scared of calling people or turning up unexpectedly in case they think I’m needy or clingy. So I stay at home more and more with my cats. I don’t know how to go on.