Hi everyone,
3 years today since the farewell service of my best friend, soul mate and husband.
NOBODY, literally no one understands or gets how I am still so utterly sad and lonely all the time. I just miss him so very very much.
Still don’t believe it’s true.
The only ones who get me are my two little sidekicks … our dogs … They’ve sensed my mood today and have been quiet and calm all day. I honestly don’t think I would have made it to here without them
Love hugs and strength to you all
I agree, nobody knows how painful it is. People do expect you to be over it don’t they. My husband passed away in may last year and I feel as if I was in shock for the first year and it’s just hit me in the last couple of months.
Thank you so much for your understanding reply
Hi @Cathphil
I too am approaching 3yrs and have found it so much harder. The first year you are in shock. The 2nd year reality starts to sink in that they are gone forever and that life is now becoming a sad solitary existence, scattered with some glimmers of hope and happiness but knowing that it’s never going to be the same ever again and everything is becoming so much harder than it once was. It’s a neverending journey unfortunately
Di
Dear @Ditom64
You sum it up well, the ‘sad solitary existence’ …
It’s the isolation that our grief forces us to live with. Even when with others, I just feel totally alone and often invisible.
Love hugs and strength
I totally understand. I’ve just written a post nearly 6 years on & although it gets easier to hide your grief & carry it inwardly it’s still there. I think because you outwardly look ok & are able to laugh & enjoy yourself, people understandably think you’re not still grieving. The only ones that do are those that have been through it, for me in my life they’re few & far between as most of my friends still have their husbands. I miss him every day & always will. I’m still only relatively young for being a widow (I actually don’t like that word, I consider myself still married) the worst thing now is getting asked about meeting someone else. I know it’s well meaning but my advice to anyone is just don’t say it!
Take care 
Dear @Jodel712
It’s so hard isn’t it.
My old GP who looked after Phil for many years (now my friend after she moved surgeries) suggested to me the other day about grief not becoming easier but familiar. I hadn’t thought about it like that. But kinda makes some sense… Except we don’t want it up be familiar!!!
The main way I cope is my embracing my grief as my best friend. In my own grief I’m in a safe bubble with me and by husband and our two dogs, and everyone else can bugger off!!
Love hugs and strength to everyone reading
Hi Cathphil I understand how you feel as I feel exactly the same. It’s nearly two and a half years since I lost the love of my life, my soulmate, my best friend, my everything all rolled up in one beautiful package. Each and every day I wake up feeling anxious and scared about what the present and future holds without her being here. The sadness and loneliness is unbearable. I see other people getting on with their lives while I know deep in my heart my life as I knew it is gone forever. I now stumble on from day to day living in an alternate universe that only the unfortunate have to exist. I understand your plight totally.
I understand what you are feeling because I feel the same. The sadness is always there. I almost feel like 2 people, the one “carrying on,” and the real me that is just deeply sad. I said to myself today, ok, you feel what you feel, but now what? What can I do to make more meaning in my life. But, I don’t have the answers yet at all.
I feel that, too. The first year for me was just frantic activity and shock. This year it’s settled in and more reality of the loss has hit.
Hi there, I have just started my second year without my darling Paul. I should have gone out to meet with close friends tonight. I can’t face it. I am just going to chill at home with a glass of wine, embracing my grief. I miss him so terribly, he would hate how much I am suffering.
I hear you, Bunter64, my condolences to you. Likewise, I make arrangements with good intentions, mpre often to try and perform functional ‘. Chill with your glass of wine and no valie judgement. The rules’ are different in grief. Prioritise yourself
Dear @Pooka1968 and @Bunter64
Big big hugs to you both.
I understand completely. Just prioritise yourself … It’s called self preservation!!
It’s so damn hard, and it’s harder when it’s close friends. I find it so hard too.
I feel your grief, your sadness, your loneliness.
I still hate weekends …
I just had a week off work… My first time off since Christmas! And in that time I changed jobs/careers too (but that’s another story!)
Didn’t realise how much I needed the rest, thought keeping going was best.
But it’s been so bloody lonely, but also didn’t want to see anyone.
Grief is so complicated!!!
Love, hugs and strength to you both
The whole thing is totally crazy 
im 26 months in and yes less tears and not all the pain in my heart and stomach 
but so hard to wake every morning…and realise hes not here…he really has gone …its all so tragic for all off us who have lost such beautiful amazing partners …take it easy
Hi Cathphil
Just picked up your recent post and thought I would reply as I think I know exactly what you are saying. / feeling.This coming Sunday is 3 years also since I lost my wonderful wife Lesley. I lost her one month from our golden wedding and even now ,the feelings come in waves and overwelm me. These last 3 years have been a personal battle and I truly believe it always now will be. Grief, and how it affects you and live / handle , even after this time, I think is a purly individual and no one can ever tell you on how you personally should live and manage it.
My best wishes and thoughts go out to you at this time and a big hug to you.
Dear @ball78
Thank you for your kind and understanding reply.
All my thoughts are with you for tomorrow.
You are right our grief is personal, and unique, and belongs to only us.
Whatever you do tomorrow, and however you deal with the day will be right. Because it will be your way.
Love, hugs and strength being sent to you
As I mentioned on an earlier post, it is just over a year for me. We were married for 36 years, but together for 40 years. I am trying to arrange a headstone at the moment for my darling husband. This in itself, is extremely difficult. The inscription in particular. I am taking my time over it, as I would like to reflect his personality, if possible. Maybe, one day the pain will get easier.
Oh, I understand Cathphil. I tell people that I started a conversation with my wife the first night that I met her and that conversation ended 43 years later when she passed away. I cannot have that kind of conversation about anything and everything with anyone anymore, and I miss it, and her so much. I feel totally lost even around others including family. I try to be involved with what they are saying, but I just can’t and have to pretend. It’s so hard, and I just simply miss my wife so much that I can’t stand it some times. Thank you for listening. Michael
Dearest Michael
I so understand…
I like to think I used to be a confident person… Not any more.
Can’t deal with more than one person at a time in social situations, and that’s a challenge.
The sad truth is the only person I want a conversation with is my husband 
Oh how I miss that so very very much
Love hugs and strength to you
5years since my husband died and how I miss him. I feel changed as a human being as my life has changed so much. Friends have changed towards me as I am not the same person without my husband even though I go out of my way to be good company. We were two now I am one, so couples that we were friends with are almost no more. But onwards and upwards, try to keep smiling when I see people, but then go home and cuddle the cat. Good to have friends on here who understand. Sending big hugs and love to you all from CAZ3J