I feel exactly the same as you, I could have written this. It’s so exhausting, I still don’t have a clue who I am and I am 19 months on this undesirable journey. I miss him so very much. Sending love xx
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Cats are such good listeners. I’ve cried all over my fur baby, she doesn’t mind though. It hurts so bad. Sending big hugs xx
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I came across this poem I wrote, popped up on my memories from 4 years ago, 2 years into my grief journey. Sending love & strength 
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Sending love, empathy, understanding and compassion. Does it get any easier? The pain? Sorry to ask, I just have noone. I was 48 when my husband went to work and never came home and I don’t know anyone who has been in my shoes, other than all of the beautiful people on here who are also going through hell x
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@JD8369 it does get easier to live with but it’s still there. I was 55 & I think when you’re younger it’s a bit of a different journey.
Most of my friends were still couples so seeing them together doing the things you’d love to be still doing breaks your heart.
I lost Derek just before Covid & lockdowns so in a way I was protected from that initial first going out & meeting friends. I was cocooned, didn’t have to make excuses not to go out. But all it did was delay everything & knocked me backwards.
Nearly 6 years now & in answer to your question it does get easier to live with but it’s still there, you learn to carry it better.
Take care
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I am so very sorry for your loss. It’s exhausting isn’t it. All of our friends I have not seen since the funeral. I see couples doing what we should have been and it breaks my heart. I just can’t integrate back in to my life, I don’t wish to see anybody I know. It’s too painful, as they don’t understand, and I talk about my Dave every single day and if people are around they don’t know what to say. It’s almost like he never existed other than to me and the kids. And I feel so invisible. I can’t return to work because I have developed complex PTSD and I have shocking brain fog, I sleep very little, I’ve lost a lot of weight because my appetite sucks. Im so lost. I’m coping, I’m trying
The longing, the void, the loneliness though can be debilitating. I was such a confident outgoing person before all of this. I just don’t know who I am now. Thank you for your reply, you are very kind x
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Dear @Jodel712
That’s beautiful. And so beautifully presented too.
Thank you soooo much for sharing it with us
Love, hugs and strength
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And dogs too.
Our adorable pets seem to gauge our moods better than people.
And they never judge us, or ask “Why?”
I don’t know how I’d of coped without my two little fur babies ( Bichon Frises) they are my little guardian angels in fluffy white coats. One sitting on each shoulder, sometimes literally!!
Love hugs and strength to you all
l
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Oh yes and dogs too… We had a french bulldog that me and my husband bought together from a puppy. He was an absolutely beautiful little doggo. Sadly he was diagnosed with brain cancer in march and he had to follow the rainbow bridge to his dad. Our pets are the best listeners and they give the best support and cuddles. Enjoy your babies. I have a maine coone cat who brings me so many live gifts, so that’s fun 
take care x
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I agree. I think grieving and loss are so individual and dependent on many factors. There’s not a one size fits all time wise or what the rest of the life looks like for the widow/widower.
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Thankyou @Nancy123
I’m having a particularly hard time at the moment, and especially this weekend.
I have an inner sadness all the time , but sometimes the reality of the whole situation just washes over me and I feel like I’m drowning.
Your message and the others on here and @Jodel712 beautiful poem have really helped me today
Thank you all of you
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Yes, you are right. I am 14 months in from the loss of my darling Paul. I am not quite sure how I have got here, but I have. I have started to evolve in different ways. Some older hobbies are coming through, photography, watercolours, interior design. Socially, I am preferring to take things slowly. Sometimes, i just like being on my own.
ph[quote=“Nancy123, post:70, topic:109338, full:true”]
I agree. I think grieving and loss are so individual and dependent on many factors. There’s not a one size fits all time wise or what the rest of the life looks like for the widow/widower.
[/quote]
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So agree with you, I dread the weekends. I try to keep busy, but when the quiet moments come the loss and sadness completely overwhelms me. We have to cling to the moments that bring a little peace - sometimes joy - and keep hold of our memories x
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Jodel712 i totally get it. Im five years in and miss my husband every minute of every day. People say remember the good times but we honesty only had good times and i have a constant ache to have them still.
I know i was blessed but it still hurts like hell
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Dearest @Kittybee
Yes, I’m the same - ‘every minute of everyday’ an ache that will never go away.
And I agree when well meaning , kind people say
“you have your memories”
And yes they were wonderful…I too was truly blessed
But, what they don’t get is that a huge part of our sadness and grief is not about the past (that was amazing) it’s about the fact that we can’t make anymore of those amazing memories.
Love hugs and strength to you and everyone
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I absolutely agree. I am 6 years and 6 days into losing the love of my life. As you are all saying, only people who have been through it understand. We have no “future” in the sense of making memories. We DON’T want to meet anyone else…we want what we had. We chose to be with our partners…we did not choose to lose them. Yesterday I had a call from a mate of mine of 50 odd years. He was telling me i should do this …and do that. He was married for 5 minutes before divorcing and since had numerous girlfriends. I am not being preached to by someone who has no idea of our pain…that NEVER goes away. I told him to bleep bleep off and we are done !!
I agree with the animal comments. I have an 18 year old, 3 legged cat that helps and understands my pain. Take care everyone xx
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How much it hurts when people say about meeting someone else, like the love of your life can be replaced & don’t get me wrong some people do meet another love & find comfort & a future with them, but it’s not something that should ever be said to anyone grieving the loss of their partner.
I was out with friends, a couple, Shirley had gone to the bar & I was sat next to her husband. A lady came in who me & Derek used to see in our local pub, not seen her for a while, she sat on the next table. She kept glancing, her cogs obviously going round & then she asked how long since Derek had died, I told her six years & then asked if my friends husband was my new partner 
I said no & pointed to his wife at the bar, the look I gave her told her what I thought of her question, she looked embarrassed. I laughed it off with my friends but it upset me so much I could have easily cried there & then. I was really angry later on at home & it really knocked me sideways. I know she wasn’t being intentionally hurtful but the insensitivity of others is sometimes astounding.
Take care & hugs to your cat 
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Dear @Jodel712
Bless you, I do understand this.
I hate assumptions other people make if you happen to be sitting next to or talking to another man.
It rips at my heart to think anyone could think that, and it feels like such a betrayal.
Once, about a year ago, someone (just an acquaintance of my husband and me) actually referred to my husband as my ‘ex’ to the friends he was with!!!
He felt my full wrath!!!
But when I got home I sobbed for hours!!! And it still upsets me that anyone could have said that.
Thank goodness for this site.
There is always someone who has had to deal with things/situations that are small to others but huge to us.
I wish you a peaceful day
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When my…now EX …mate was preaching to me I told him to go onto this platform and read all the comments from people in the same boat as me…then he may understand. He wasn’t interested and tried to talk over me, spouting his words of wisdom (based on what ?).
It’s a shame we can’t all meet up to talk to each other in person as it would be nice to have a proper conversation with people that actually know what they’re talking about. My beautiful Mum (86) understands me as she lost my Dad 15 years ago. She said to me the other day, Didey (Diana) wouldn’t have had anybody else if you had gone first. She understands her Son so well bless her.
Take care everyone xx
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My Mum was also the only one who understood what it was like as she had been through it. Sadly I lost her in December & I miss her being there with her knowing me so well. Even with her dementia at its worst she was still my anchor & talked about my Derek all the time, they got on so well, she missed him too. Losing my Mum has been hard, not having Derek there to share my grief has made everything so raw again.
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