I lost my beautiful Wife (Diana) 5 Years ,11 months and 20 days ago… but who’s counting 
. I was 58, she was 59. Married for 35 years, 36 days…but who’s counting. Together since our 1st date on 16th February 1980… I was 18, she was 19. I used to take the micky that she was 15 1/2 months older than me. Now I am 64. I hate being older than her.
All your stories resonate with me… should be over the grief, have you met anybody else, the pain of every anniversary etc (you all understand).
THE PAIN WILL NEVER EVER GO AWAY WHEN YOU LOSE THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE. Take care everyone 
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This is so true. I was 18 when i met andrew he was 23 it woulc have been 1988.
We both knew that was it for us we were never apart after that.
We were together 35yrs married 33yrs
How do move on from that you dont you learn to cope and thats about it.
The endless questions youre young find someone else, its not like going shoppjng oh i will have that one please.
It boggles my mind
Take care michelle
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You were even younger than me Michelle…it can be a cruel world.
Take care
Adi
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Feeling for you! But it’s the same for me as my darling hubby died nearly three years ago. I speak to him every day and miss him all the time. As you said, I’m now much older than him - though he was three years younger anyway - but feels so unfair that I’ve had 6 more years of life than he had. The loss never goes away and we wouldn’t want it to would we as it’s a measure of the love we felt for them over the years. X
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It can be a very cruel world and cancer is cruel.
I dont know about you but im trying to work out what my life is now going to look like going forward
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I am also trying to work out what my life is now. It is just over a year for me. I am doing all of the functional things like paying bills, supporting our children, walking the dog, socialising to a degree. I just miss him so much, his smile, holding hands, adventures together, everything. We were together 40 years, you can’t just magically develop this new life. I am just going at my own pace.
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Dearest @Mufcab1968
Get you every single step of the way
Thank you for your reply to my post .
Love hugs and strength to you
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Going at your own pace is all that you can do. I met my husband when I was 17 and we were together for 41 years in total when he passed away in may of last year aged 61.
Everything changed, including me. I am a shell of my former self because all I have ever known is both of us together. We have 2 beautiful grown daughters and they are amazing but that fundamental part of you that has gone, not by choice, rips your heart out and it doesn’t recover.
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Last night I couldn’t stop sobbing. It went on for hours. I have to push myself really hard to come out of it. The intensity is so frightening. It felt like a knife stabbing into my heart.
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Thankyou everyone for posting on here.
I’ve not been on this site for a while. I dip in now and again when I’m feeling really lost and often I find that people are too newly bereaved for me to be willing to think back to that time.
So it’s good to hear that I’m not alone in my struggles after a length of time. Even though I’m really sorry you are all
Finding yourself in this place too.
It’s just over 18months for me. My husband died age 56 and me 52. It’s my 54th birthday today and I miss him so much still. It feels like it gets worse every day.
My life has changed dramatically, I’ve lost most of my friends as they’ve just not known what to do with me and how to be around me, and my family pretend nothings happened.
I’ve got new people in my life now - many are widows or widowers, and I keep very busy. To the point of being overwhelmed. So I need to make some changes.
I have 4 kids and supporting them has been my priority and my main task since their amazing dad died.
Today they will spoil me and show me how much they love and appreciate me. And that is amazing. But it’s not what I want.
I want them to take me for granted and not feel they have to be around for me, because I no longer have their dad. I know that’s not why they do it but I wish they had the future we had hoped for them.
And I want my old life back. But that can never be.
So I will put on my game face, laugh at the old times and make some plans for the future that will mean nothing.
I’ll turn off my phone to avoid the happy birthday messages and I’ll hold all my grief in for another time.
I think perhaps one day I will just explode into a million pieces the amount of holding in I do !!
I feel better for getting that out 
I’m glad there’s still a place somewhere where I can offload and be honest.
Love and strength to you all. Xx
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I understand how you are feeling,i lost my husband over a year ago ,and i still miss more than ever ,but i think of the 25 woderful years we had together .
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My husband died 8 years ago dec, & it does just become an existence. Iv never felt so lonely without him. Take care.
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Yes it’s nearly 6 years for me and to live gets harder without the one you love…still too many tears. I guess we just trudge on in our sad life. Sending love to you X
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Hello everyone,
I’m so glad this thread that I started has resonated with so many of us.
I understand and get everyone of you.
Thank you so much for all the messages on here.
Time is no healer, it’s the exact opposite.
Was my husbands birthday yesterday, and all these dates just get harder and harder to deal with. Another birthday he didn’t get to have, that we didn’t get to enjoy together.
But I continue to keep him alive, buy cards and presents, and remind everyone around me. I will keep him alive as long as I am alive.
I took two days Annual leave, working is just too hard on these dates.
At the moment I’m sat by the tree I had planted for him in the memorial gardens of the crematorium where we had his farewell service.
It’s beautiful here, and today the sun is shining.
He’s not here though, he’s still at home with me. Home was his/our favourite place so that is where he will stay until it’s my turn to go and join him up there.
Then we can be put together by his beautiful tree , which will then become our tree.
Love, hugs and strength to you all
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I don’t wish to sound controversial but felt I had to comment for all those who are newly bereaved, I am almost 3yrs on and I absolutely believe time is a healer. Time doesn’t diminish the love you feel for your partner/loved one but the grief does diminish and there are people the world over who do find love again and live happy lives. Life is what you make it and how you choose to respond. Also love doesn’t have to mean a person, it can come in whatever form you choose, whatever purpose you choose but for those on here where this is recent loss, it does get better
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I agree to a point, it does get better because you learn how to cope with your loss. It’s six years since I lost my husband & feel I have carved out a life for myself with the help of people around me, but & there’s always a but …
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I lost my husband just over a year ago and my adult son 8 months ago. My husband kissed me, walked up our drive and I never saw him again. No warning at all. He was my friend and my everything. I found my adult son dead in his home after a brain injury. People just don’t understand and quite honestly my extended family seem to have drifted away.( I have no other children) I feel I am a social pariah. Always on the outside looking in . People seem afraid I will become dependent on them. My heart is broken and sometimes I honestly see no point in anything
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@Sisterhannah
I am so sorry for your losses I just cannot imagine the awfulness of that. It is bad enough losing a husband /partner but your child as well, heartbreaking 
I lost my partner suddenly to SADS in April so I understand shock and disbelief.
Take care x
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Dear @Ditom64
Everyone’s feelings are legitimate.
And this has always been a place where we can all comment without fear.
Everyone’s grief journey is unique and right for them.
Take care everyone.
Love hugs and strength to you all
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Dear @Sisterhannah
My heart is s breaking for you.
I’m so sorry for both your loses.
Sending you lots of love, hugs and strength
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