Not accepting that I will never see my hubby again

I’m really struggling I lost my hubby 10 weeks ago suddenly ,he died sleeping . I know he’s died but I can’t seem to be able to accept I won’t see or speak to him again. We have been together since I was 15 he was 17 59 years . We had a wonderful marriage we have 2 daughters and 6 grandchildren and they loved him so . He fought a very aggressive cancer and he’s been in remission for nearly two years he had his 4 monthly review and still in remission . I am so sad every day . We had so much planned together ,we have been shielding for 12 months . I can’t seem to think about a future without him . Our granddaughter is getting married in Spain next year and he insisted we get everything booked , flights and accommodation he had so much planned for the next few months and next year I am so sad every days the same .

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@Plascoch
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Just try to take one day at a time, it’s all any of us can do , but it helps to read words of support and comfort from those who really understand the pain you are feeling.
Take care

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Bless you,
I lost my wife 3 months ago. But still feels strange because the house is silent, the energy has changed. She battled for 8 scarring yrs against the most virulent of foes, cancer. I was her carer for those 8 yrs. Changing surgical dressings at 3am without question. Putting her welfare before mine without even thinking about it. As long as I made Sammy smile I knew I was winning. The unfortunate thing was she didn’t see our grandson because of covid.
So now so called friends say to me oh get a hobby!!! Ggrrr!!
My life was Sammy and that was it. So my new path is an empty abyss. I don’t know how to survive because Sammy was my all encompassing life. The price we all pay for this wholehearted love is extremely high. And as yourself my debt is due in payment to the piper. This oblivion is all consuming and utterly shattering. Yet we still planned for our future this year.
So my first step is yet to be made!! Blessings and prayers to you

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Thanks so much for your remarks , today I’ve had a really bad day , I don’t know why just crying all the time . My hubby was my life long partner my rock he gave me confidence which has now gone . I just don’t know if I can think of my future without him in it . I know he would be saying pauline you have to go on , but I also know how much he wanted to be here with me and his family . Life is so cruel I never thought this was going to happen after he had fought so hard to beat cancer . I hope that I can cope without him at my side.

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Plascoch: it’s heartbreaking. This excruciating pain of having to part with our soulmates for so many sweet years is unspeakable.
My wife miraculously recovered from a severe sepsis (8 days in intensive care) 2 months before she passed. She and I were grateful to the Lord and we vowed to spent the rest of our lives helping others. Just when we were doing that with all our hearts she slipped away in my arms from another illness. We mistakenly thought that by doing good some higher being will look down on us in mercy. But no. Our dreams of retiring together is shattered. Life is cruel.

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Me dear luckystarhongkong,
I have no concept of your loss. To be given a second chance like that after a huge scare to your family. And then the man upstairs changes his mind at the last minute ‘actually we’ve over stocked on angel wings we will bring them to heaven’.
My tears of sorrow for you and your family are nothing compared to the unrelenting grief you must be weighted down with… That heart shattering intense stabbing is the only physiological memory we have. Because that pain replaced the all consuming love we had.
My Sammy was 47 when she was taken from me. So I do understand that life can be the most cruel mistress we all have to keep at bay. Hugs and prayers to you

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Dear Plascoch,

I know exactly what you mean and I am so terribly sorry for what has happened.

I was the same when my husband of 47 years died nearly seven years ago, he was 18 when we met and were together for 50 years. It took me three years to give his clothes away to a charity as I wanted him to have them to wear when he came back to me again, even though I knew he had died I would not believe that this was it, this was the end and I would never see or speak to him again.

In fact I still have his sports jacket, trousers, shirt, underclothes, socks, shoes and an outdoor coat hanging in the wardrobe in a suit bag, I know it is silly, but I just cannot bear to give them away, I also have his watches, ties, tie pins and trainers in the wardrobe as well, there they will stay, hanging alongside mine until I take my last breath.

When something like this happens to us, we have lost our whole meaning for living, even though we have children and grandchildren it doesn’t take away the heartache as our children have their own lives to live and all we have left are our memories of what used to be.

My life has never been the same, my Peter was ill for eight years before he died and luckily we had both taken early retirement so we were at home together day in and day out enjoying just being together.

I know for certain, I will always want him back, I now live a totally different life to the one we shared, it is not the life I thought I would ever have to live but we were lucky, we had 50 wonderful years together and not many people have that so I thank God for sending me my soulmate.

I do live in the past a lot as that is where I was the happiest.

Take care.

Sheilaxx

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Thanks for your reply, I have lost both of my parents and that was devastating but I still had my hubby and my girls , but this is so different I have lost my best friend my soulmate my rock , I always felt safe being with him . I’ve lost confidence . I nursed him through his fight against a aggressive cancer he was so poorly but he won out and we had 2 years in remission and he was quite well when he died sleeping . My life has crumbled away I’m so sad , I’m not depressed it’s sadness people don’t seem to be able to understand that . I’ve joined this group as I thought I must be going mad knowing he’s died but not accepting he’s gone . Also it’s 10 weeks but it seems like last week . My life’s so different . I just need to know he’s ok my faith is at rock bottom , I’m waiting for a sign to say he’s ok I hope he’s able to let me know .

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Hello @Plascoch. I am so sorry for your loss and 10 weeks is very early days yet. Your sadness is very understandable which is why people on this site can fully understand what you are going through. Acceptance is something most of us struggle with.
Keep looking for signs from your hubby however subtle they may be. It may be a certain person turns up to offer help or it may be something personal to you. Just trust that something will be there just when you need it as it may not just be coincidence.
Look after yourself. Love and light. x

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You’re not going mad. I know my wonderful husband has gone but he can’t have done. The mind plays tricks very easily. I too want to know that he is alright. Although I keep thinking if he can see the grief that it has caused he will be as unhappy as I am.

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I know what you mean, Peter lost his dad when he was 6 years old, then he lost his mum when he was 18 years old, I lost my dad when I was 25 years old then lost my sister a few years later. Like you said, we had our husbands and children to help us through the heartache but now we have lost our soulmate nothing seems worthwhile anymore.

I once read that when a person who had been ill for a while dies, they have to have time in heaven to heal and when they are ready they will send you signs they are there with you.

I have had so many signs in the last seven years white feathers, butterflies hovering in front of my face, little birds standing on the window ledge looking into the room at me. So many more too. Be patient it will happen, sometimes what you see you take for granted as a normal occurrence but if you think about it you will know it is not.

Sheilax

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Hello Lonely, thanks for your reply my life is so different I’m so lonely , I am just waiting for him to let me know that he’s ok . I miss talking to him we talked so much , we discussed all the news and what was going on in the world , I miss him so :broken_heart::broken_heart::broken_heart:

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Dear Jules4

Your words echo mine. When I sit and cry I am not only crying for mine and our kids loss but also for everything that my husband has lost. Also I am sure that he would be unhappy that he has left us so heartbroken all because of his desire to continue motorbiking.

Life is so difficult. I don’t want my memories, I wanted to still be making them with him.

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So sorry for your loss. I lost my husband in 2007 and still find it hard. You have to take one day at a time. :kissing_heart:

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I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I don’t know how long it will take for the pain to ease but if you need to talk being on this site knowing that we have all lost somebody close to our heart, hopefully will help you in time. I lost my husband 12 months ago and l just keep going for my girl my youngest this 14 today. We miss him so much he was 55 and just went out to do a quick job taking my 24 year old with him, she tried to help him but could, now she as PTSD. Just take a day at a time, and take your better days. I do believe that they are with us and l bet my Lewis is telling me to stop taking x

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It is so sad for our children. My son (19) was with me when we went out to find my husband. We were too late but we did see him in the ambulance. I know for a fact that my husband would not have wanted us to go through that - as I’m sure your husband wouldn’t have wanted your daughter to go through it. Life just doesn’t make sense. My husband did everything to protect us, but he couldn’t protect us from the worst thing to ever happen.

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It is 1 year last Sunday my sweet husband passed . It has been very hard lots of tears and anger, but it’s true it does ease.The friday before the year was up my best friend died suddenly 80 she was, I feel I am going back again with her lose. My kids are very worried but I know there is nothing I can do to change things. She as gone won’t be coming back I only have the happy times and laughter we hadtogether. I would like to chat to someone sometime I am nearly 78 and had been married 53years . I have managed to sort his clothes out but kept special things that have wonderful memories. Stay strong Ron. Love to you all xxx

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I’m so sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel, I lost my wife to cancer in March this year, she too was doing well, then out of the blue she was told the cancer was back and she was terminal, she passed away less than three months after being told. The worst thing as you say is knowing that you will never see them again. We have a large family and seven grandchildren, all the family have been really good and have been checking on me regularly, but it’s now got to the stage where visits and phone calls are less, which I fully understand as they have their lives as well. We too had lot’s of travel plans both here and abroad, but sadly no more. I find the quietness and returning home the worst times, I’m now at the point of thinking what next, as life doesn’t really have much meaning at the moment, my wife was partially disabled and I had looked after her for the last 10 year’s, so now at the moment my life seems empty. I have been writing thing’s down, how we met, the high points and the low points, I have found this very therapeutic. All I can say is hang on in there and take each day one at a time as I am doing, take care.

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My dear Mandyt1234, we all have our own ghosts to endure on here, but, sincerely your poor 24 Yr old must feel like she’s been encased in ice in the darkest place.
It’s hard enough to see the people who we love and adore leave us on their last,
But the all consuming anguish she must be carrying so, so much guilt. It makes me sob uncontrollably and I’m a 53 Yr old man. No one and I mean no one could even realise the intensity of pain that has welcomed you and your family.
For what little consultation this is, my hand on my heart, I am truly truly sorry for your loss.
This forum can be enlightening and consoling, but WE are all here to pray for all who need that extra crumb of support. The journeys are unknown to us but the price we are all paying is all consuming and unrelenting.
Hugs and prayers to you and your family x

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@Sheila26
Thats how I feel. Memories are painful, I wanted to continue making new memories with my Marti.

Our sons have their own lives now there older, me and my Marti were going out just the two of us, it was always lovely just me and him walking, shopping together, we were both excited to grow old together.
Every day I feel lost without him, I desperately want his cuddle and to see his lovely smile. Its so hard trying to accept he’s gone.
Does anyone feel that once awake dreading another lonely day that you feel that there’s going to be a point where you feel like you want to fall on the floor and just yelp, really cry screaming at the same time.
I’m glad we have each other on here to comfort, we understand each others pain . I hope tomorrow is better for us all whilst we travel this heartbreaking journey of grief,
Sending you all a hug
Amy x

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