Evening Hulia 19 , I really hope that my hubby’s still with me , I just can’t accept yet that I will never see him talk to him hold his hand. He was my everything after fighting and winning a aggressive cancer he was quite well he just died sleeping . My life finished when I lost him . I’m struggling every single day . My 2 daughters have had a miserable and sad weekend as I have had ,it never stops. I’ve decided that I’m volunteering for 2 sessions a week with the Salvation Army , they officiated at my hubby’s cremation ,amazing Army Captain helped us through our crisis, my daughters said I might be up for helping out in a short while . So here goes I’m trying to help out but it will also help me , I can’t get Dave out of my mind he’s there constantly . I suffered the loss of my mum in 1981 and my Dad died 11 years ago I was devastated , but the loss of my husband is unbelievable I am totally broken ,I am a shell of a person . I just wonder when the tears will slow down and I can sleep again . 
Dear Lonely. It makes me very sad to hear of you being so isolated in what sounds like a wonderful garden. I share your pleasure in gardening but I am finding it difficult to do it at the moment as it reminds me too much of being there with Glen. I am only 7 weeks down this journey and are still in the messy gut wrenching crying stage but I am fortunate in that Glen and I, although we were a very close couple, since we both retired we made sure we had separate interests as well. I therefore have lovely support through my WI group where there are other ladies who have also been widowed and I can talk to them. I have started going to a few garden visits and walks with a few people and have even spent a bit of time helping out the back at the charity shop I used to volunteer at. I am not ready to work the till as I still have a very fuzzy brain and am likely to get weepy. The first times I went were very hard and I shed many tears but it does me good to be with other people. If someone asks me how I am I tell them the truth - I am really hurting and I can’t stop crying but I know it will get easier.
I’m glad you are finding some enjoyment in your life. It gives me hope that my future will be as fulfilling. I know it will never be the same and I will always miss him but I have to be optimistic
Evening Lonely, How lucky are you having some visits from your hubby, how I would love to have this happen to me. Something did happen the day after he died and I know that it was Dave letting me know about his funeral arrangements, it was something so personal between me and him . My daughter also had a funny thing happen to her . We where looking to choose music and we both brought up listening to 60s music , my daughter was driving home from our house had been really emotional and suddenly through her car radio which was not switched on came the record Have a little faith in me . She was absolutely shocked couldn’t believe it . The little things that happened have occurred with in a day or so of him dying, This time would have been when he was so upset that he hadn’t woke up with me and that he had died . I hope I have the faith to believe that we will eventually be together . Pauline
I haven’t posted for a while but I read posts every day. My lovely husband passed away 9 months ago suddenly from a heart attack. I had a tree planted at the local cemetery and have some of his ashes under it. I was there a couple of nights ago and was chatting to Neil telling him how much I miss and love him. As I turned to walk back to the car I stopped in my tracks as I was sure I could see a shadowy face through my car window. I stared for ages trying to make it out but as I walked closer it faded. The logical part of my brain said it was a reflection from the sky as it was dusk and I had forgotten about till now. How amazing if my logical brain was wrong? The thought of seeing him again is one of the things that keeps me going.
Keep hoping and loving those around us.
I am so sorry about your husband and I feel exactly the same. My husband passed 7 weeks ago, we had been together for 45 years and I know he has passed having had the funeral but I still can’t believe I will never see him again.
He had had the terrible last 3 months of suffering from parkinsons and going into hospital for a dislocated hip and dying of aspirational Pneumonia he had really suffered and its those last 3 months that stay in my mind not the 45 years we had together. It shouldn’t have happened I’m still in disbelieve.
A couple of week ago i did my walk around Alnwick Gardens . I saw a woman who from a distance looked like, my Sue. Same hair dye and a coat which Sue would wear. My heart lept i nearly shouted out,for a split second, i thought i had my Sue back. Then it hit me again,she was not my lass, head down tears flowing walking past her. Like you my hope is that we will be together again.