I think medication may be helpful in tiding over a crisis but nothing is going to take away this grief. After the initial shock and numbness the harsh new reality is like a sharp blade ripping through our wound day in day out it’s hard to ignore it.
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that’s heartbreaking but is true: nothing is going to change what has happened. Why on earth we’ve got to face all these just because we loved each other so much?
Dear Lonely,
It seems that not only are we devastated at the loss of our loved one, but then everything happens on top of that. Since my Eddie died, the roof needed major work on it, I had leaks from the bathroom and a toilet downstairs (rang three plumbers in total before I could get one), my front door wouldn’t shut properly, had to get new gates front and back as they were deteriorating, then the washer and microwave needed replacing. I guess these are ordinary things but seem to overwhelm you when you are trying so hard to just carry on. Just hoping nothing goes now for a while as I won’t be able to pay for any jobs now - it appears something had been signed wrong by my husband and his pension seems to have just disappeared! He took a lump sum a few years ago, leaving the bulk intact, but said if anything happened to him that he knew I would be okay moneywise at least. It breaks my heart that this doesn’t seem to be the case. I would rather have him back than all the money in the world though 
xx
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I had restrictions on 30 and a few of my husband’s friends turned up outside the church. At the crem one former neighbour turned up and my son’s friends. A few watched on-line but as you say that is truly disgusting what happened at your husband’s funeral. I hope they have the decency at least to hang their heads in shame if they see you at any point.
Take care.
Dear Lesley
There is a government site called PensionWise, I am sure they can help track down pensions. May be worth giving them a call at least.
Sheila
Afternoon Sheila, Daves rugby mates have so disappointed me , I let them know how I felt on the old boys website . I will never see anyone of them again as his club was a hour’s drive away from our home he thought nothing of driving to the club at least 3 times a week to make sure everyone and everything ok . We always said never rely on anyone but your close family and your closest friends . 3 months have past and I’m still as sad as the day I found him sleeping .I am crying constantly he was my first and only boyfriend we would have celebrated our 53 Rd wedding anniversary next month . I feel like I’ve been robbed of the next few years with each other. Life is cruel 
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Thank you for your reply,I really so want to believe that we will see each other again as the alternative is just to hard to believe. I will order the book you suggested a s I just need something to hang on to . The grief I feel is so overwhelming and I hope every day when I go to bed I won’t wake up , I’m not suicidal but I am just totally consumed by
loneliness and grief , my darling David was everything to me and without him life is pointless.
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I’ve just received the book and started reading it, the content so far sound’s very positive, I look forward to reading further.
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Hi Sheila,
Thanks for the info. My son is in contact with a financial advisor so he is looking into it at the moment - to be honest I don’t think he holds out much hope though. I will ring PensionWise if this fails, can’t hurt to give them a ring. I have to be sure for my own peace of mind. Thank you 
xx
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I’m so sorry for your loss… I myself lost my husband suddenly he was 65 we were together through primary school till age 15 then went our own way but got bk together again age 20 and were together right up till he died.
Billy took a very rare stroke and we were told on the Monday 21st October 2019 that there was no more could be done for Billy and he died on the Tuesday 22nd at 2.45 with us all round him.
This was very hard and still to this day I hope he would just walk through the door… But know that won’t ever happen but it’s getting that into your head I miss n love him so much xxx
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Evening Pep , it’s been 13 weeks since my husband died sleeping . Today I have realised that after me finding him i thought asleep apart from that dreadful day I can’t remember any of the following weeks. That period is a total haze , I now have been told my eldest granddaughter organised a rota for day and night so that someone was with me at all times I was never left alone until we had his funeral which was 4 weeks after he died . I can’t remember eating drinking or showering or getting dressed but it all happened so I did but don’t remember . The mind must protect us in a time of sadness and distress. It is only in the last few days that I have realised this and to be honest I really don’t want to relive those weeks . I’m still struggling to function my life is empty without him my house is empty and so quiet . My family are still rallying around me I have family staying over 3 nights out of the 7 and I try to go out on the other days but I always when I’m alone go back to the morning when I was just opening the curtains and blinds and chatting away to him ,it’s like a camera going off in my my brain it won’t go away . Life is cruel . My love of my life is no more . Heartbroken
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I know how you feel my family are there for me aswell it’s just so unreal I put up different pics of us and Billy no matter were u go there is pictures… I also done a memorial garden in my garden for Billy with solar lights etc and planted a tree all the little things help each day… When I open the blinds I see his garden… Don’t know if any of this will help you hun it’s just little things I do but I’m sending you big hugs hun and any time you need to chat I’m always about xxxx
Dear Plascoch
Sorry for late reply. Been away with family so that we could scatter my husband’s ashes. We booked cottage and took him to the beach I had chosen. A beautiful spot but still difficult to let him go. One of my husband’s best friends made a stone tribute which we buried in the dunes. A couple of days later I went back to its location and buried a picture on us both on our wedding day underneath. Although we achieved so much during our 38+ years of marriage we still had so much planned but they all disappeared when he died. Our kids went off and revisited places they had spent family holidays and I tried to venture out a couple of times on my own but felt totally alone. Like yourself I feel robbed of so much.
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I know the feeling it was Billy’s birthday last week so we took his cards and 4 balloons up to the cemetery and laid them up there
And for the memorial garden I have in my garden here I tied a red heart shaped balloon
Then we went out for a meal after the cemetery just myself son daughter and grand daughter it was nice but wasn’t the same with Billy not being there with us… Xxx
Hi Pep , hard doing birthday or anniversaries , it’s been 5 months for me , I’ve still not buried his ashes they remain on my hearth under his picture, my daughter is going to take some of his ashes to my daughters villa in Spain , we’re going to put some of his ashes under the palm tree in the garden . Dave loved the villa it was our second home it will be hard to go there without him he loved being there . We bought a plot in the crematorium a few years ago but I still can’t take him there yet maybe in time . I’m still struggling so at the moment . He was my life .
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Billy was cremated aswell it will be 2 years on 22nd Oct then I had a ring made out of some of the ashes from ashes to Glass… Got my daughter earrings made and a necklace for my grandaughter aswell… We put some of Billy’s ashes in the memorial garden we done for him in my garden… Then I bought a plot at the cemetery and we buried the rest of the ashes in it and got head stone etc put up so we all had some place to go… Its nice to go up as it is very quiet and a beautiful place… Your husband will love what you are going to do for him over in Spain… As for his ashes you will do it when your ready hun xxxx
Dear Pep , thanks I hope eventually I can take him to the plot at the moment I want him here. Recently my daughter had a dream about her dad , she was walking along a pier and he was walking with some one she didn’t know who ,he met her and they cuddled and she cried and he said it ok I’m here and she said but your not dad your not in the future. She said he was younger he was about 50 . Then my other daughter dreamt about him again he was much younger he was stood in our kitchen with his mum ,she said he had a yellow polo top on that was his favourite colour for tea shirts ,his mum died 16 years ago. And they chatted don’t know what about . Nothing happened to me but a couple of weeks after they had dreamed about him same thing happened to me he was about 50 he was sat in a chair his hands clasped and we spoke ,again don’t know what about but I remembered it as soon as I woke up . Nothing has happened since I don’t dream . But my husband used to say that I talked in a foreign language when I was asleep , wouldn’t know if I still do this . The dreams we have had have given me some comfort . Has this happened to anyone else on here.??? Pauline
I’ve had it once but not since… So hoping it can happen again soon xxx
Dear Plascoch
I have had a few experienced which I believe were my husband. Only a few days after he passed I felt what can only be described as butterfly flutters over my face. I woke up and put my hand to flick away but immediately I said I am sorry Jim. Another time I had asked him to please help me and give me strength and courage and I felt a weight around me. I do believe they are around us.
I have had the same dream twice and my husband is with his Dad, he is telling me he has to go now and he walks away with his Dad along a cobbled street and over a bridge. It remained me of streets in Brittany.
My husband passed away during an operation and we certainly didn’t think I would t see him afterwards. He was only 57 and it is only 18 months ago and I am absolutely lost without him.
Im new but i know how you feel i lost my soul mate 3months ago, we had so many plans he kept saying i dont want to die he was 66 and had a very aggressive cancer and died just weeks later, i consol myself with the fact that we were soul.mates so many people never find that, we have children grandchildren and great grandchildren who would not be here if not for us so every day i know I have to make him proud of me I try to do one thing for him. He paid all the bills etc it is daunting but im doing what I know i have to ,pay a bill etc talk to him tell him how ive done a simple thing maybe for him but daunting for me , and can feel him saying well done you done that and one day we will be together again take small steps thats what I’m doing i don’t want to let him down xx
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