Not coping with the loss of my parents

Hi. I’ve had counselling but 8 years on from the death of my dad and 2 years since I lost my Mum im still really struggling.

It is so hard, it is almost 16 years for me after losing my mammy. The only thing I can say is take one day at a time. When I look back on how I was initially and how I am now , i can’t believe it, I didn’t think I would be able to have days where when I thought of her I might smile instead of burst into tears. Some days i still burst into tears but I try and distract myself and usually that works or I just sit and have a good cry for a while cause I need to. Think of how far you have come and you will realise You are doing better then you thought in that you made it for some of the day okay, and this will expand. Give yourself credit for each milestone you achieve.

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Hi. Rach. Your post highlights the need to understand that there is no time limit on grief. After twenty years it’s still possible to grieve. It puts to shame those who say ‘you should be over it by now’. ‘Over it’!! It’s not the flu but a lifetime trauma. Have a good cry. Why not? Yes, we have come a long way, well some of us have, but it’s still hard going at times. All we can do is plod on. It does get just that bit easier but the pain is always in the background.
Be kind to yourself and take care. John.


Hi mjf80
My work arranged 6 sessions of bereavement counselling a few months after my mum died and I hated every second of them. I cried during every one and they didnt bring my mum back.
Counselling isnt for everyone. I would say that 2 years isnt a long time. I’m struggling 14 months after my mum but I still get emotional and cant talk about my dad. He died 22 years ago.
I think we have to accept that we will never get over what has happened. We just have to learn to try and forge a life without them.
Losing our parents is catastrophic.
Cheryl x

Hi Jonathan, thanks for your understanding, as from my other thread keeping belongings, I’m not having a good day today, but one day at a time.

Firstly I am sorry for your loss. I have learnt that it is something that can never get over but I have learned how to come to terms with it. I lost my mother when i was 10 years old. She was only 31. She was suffering really bad and was in intense pain so when she passed it was a bit of a relief that she isn’t suffering anymore. My father didn’t allow me to grieve as he remarried just over a year later and the step mother was and still is an evil witch. I removed myself from any contact with my father and his new wife as found it was a better thing to do. I recently found out that my Dad died. Am I too old to get grievance councilling 28 years later as I still miss mum like crazy and visit her grave on weekly basis

Thanks everYone for your replies on this thread - I understand all of your sentiments. I share in your overwhelming losses and completely sympathise and send my heartfelt condolences to you all. I lost my Mum 5 months ago - she was 82 and until then I have never experienced real loss or grief in my life. I have a wonderful supportive family but I am struggling so much with grief and sorry I am miserable all of the time around everyone. I cannot somehow get on with things as I know my mum would want me too. It will be her birthday tomorrow - my first without her. X

Hello JohnD82.

I’m so sorry to hear about the death of your parents. It sounds as though things are very tough at the moment and you are feeling overwhelmed.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

We are never too old for help, Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here:

Take care,
Online Community team

Thanks so much I will remember this and get in touch if I feel I can’t cope very well x

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Hi John sorry for your loss, my dad remarried within a year of mammy dying , it is a tough thing to try and get over. I am an only child and wanted my son to know his grandad but even now almost 16 years later, when I visit them I am so uncomfortable and have a headache on the drive up, I feel like I’m betraying my mammy . Life is definitely complicated sometimes . This site offers counselling for those from uk , from reading other threads it helps some people, Maybe it will help you too.

Karakaren, sorry about your mammy. My mammys birthday is the eighth next week and she died on the 11th. I always find September hard, I usually bring her flowers to her grave , sometimes a little ornament kinda feels like I’m doing the usual giving her presents for her birthday. It helps me I talk to her there at the same time, maybe that might help you a little. being her first birthday will be hard and I am so sorry for you but know all of us here understand what it’s like , thinking of you.