New on here. Unexpectedly widowed 5 weeks ago. Keep busy they say, take one day at a time they say. So I’ve joined walking groups/national trust/anything really. Wow, aren’t you doing well they say, you’re doing an amazing job they say. They’re all idiots - I’m acting a part! Climbing the walls with grief at home. Have been widowed before, years ago. I only survived that because my present husband came into my life when I was at my lowest - and now he’s gone and there’s no future.
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I’m so sorry for your loss.
Everything you say is so true.
People will never know our pain and daily struggle until they suffer it themselves.
And I wouldn’t wish this on anyone
Big hugs x
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Thank you for caring. I know there’s no choice but to push forward a little every day - and people say there will be a new but different life for me in the future - but I just want my wonderful life back with my wonderful husband and nothing else will ever come close - the future is one big bleak empty hole.
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Yes - getting the big bleak empty hole future.
I’m hoping that as time passes it will shrink a bit to allow some sort of living to happen.
At the moment just going through the motions - and not managing to do them very well either.
Sending some virtual hugs xx
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Sending hugs right back. Off to bed now then ground hog day again tomorrow. Hope you can find a little light in your day - let me know how it’s going (and anyone else who’s trying to climb this hellish mountain) x
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went away for a few days with family which was good you try to not think about your loss but thats the only way i can cope because when i think about davy i am devastated we were together 48 years and every day is so hatd
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I was just starting to think that I might be starting to cope, although I still cry everyday and miss him so badly, but I think I always will
Then this afternoon I got a phone call to tell me Rogers cousin had just died.
Roger would have been devastated, they grew up together and were always quite close. I got on really well with her and she’s been so good to me since Roger died.
Now I have to face a funeral. People keep telling me I don’t need to go. But I do, for Roger, and of course for Sylvie.
Thankyou for listening x
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Aww Liro such sad news i do hope you are ok. Keeping you in my heart and hoping you get the peace we sll so richly deserve. Hugs Jo xxx
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I’m sorry for your loss I lost my Robert 12 week ago and it doesn’t get any easier life is crap and all you can do is get through it the best you can
The pain is endless the tears fall constantly but try to be strong for you
Sending. Big hugs xxx
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Thankyou Jo and @Smithsj
It just seems the nightmare continues.
I will be ok, thankyou for caring.
I am staying at my sisters for a week so I’m not on my own.
I dread the funeral, but I really need to go.
Sending hugs back
Liz x x
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You just take csre of yourself. Its never ending xxx
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Hi, I do feel your pain, before this happened to me a year ago , I would sympathise with people when I heard that they’ve lost a loved one but you don’t actually really know what it feels like until it happens to you and everybody’s grief is different. It’s personal it’s also the loss of your life that you had with your loved one, and you’re right we become actors because we can’t cope with the well meaning platitudes from others so this ‘ brave face’ is presented . I can’t offer much comfort except to say we’re here for you , it’s ok to feel how you feel , it’s horrible but sadly its the reality, hope you’re ok , sending hugs and understanding .
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Another day looming of paperwork and pain. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone but it helps to know I’m not alone. I don’t know if I should report to the doctors or grit my teeth and do this alone. If only my husband was here to guide me, we always talked everything over and now I’m drifting aimlessly. What would he say.
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Morning Everything, I loke yourself dread every day, the pain is intensive the tears never stop. Its the most awful feeling scared of the future feeling like this. What is my new future emptiness, my hope is one day we will all find peace. Xxx
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We would also always talk everything over @Everything24
I miss being able to chat through my worries, plans or just nonsense and I wish so much he was here still.
Find the mornings so hard now- I do sleep but wake feeling exhausted and takes me a long time to get going. I used to be up and at work by 8am.
I also feel I am just drifting through each day. No direction or real purpose.
Hope you all have as good a Monday as you can xxx
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Awww blesd you Ron i know that feeling of wanting to tell Gra all the stupied things. I like yourself feel exhausted but sleep is so broken. Xxx
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The sadmin is horrendous,my daughter and I spent ages on phone calls,filling in endless forms,applying for birth,death,marriage certificates,then the minefield of probate,we really could do without it at a time like this,wishing you luck.Ron.
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I was lucky by the sound of it ,he had a will and solicitor as executor,she did most of the admin the only things I had to deal with were the sky tv and tv license everything else was in my name I was always better at those things than he was.
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Hi. I can identify with everything you say. I also have lost two husbands. I was married 34 years to the first and only 9 years to the second. We were both retired so spent most of our time together, especially during Covid, and had some amazing holidays. The grief i am feeling for him is overwhelming. I didnt really grieve for the first one - i was still working and had lots of things to distract me. My daughter died in 2019 (Cancer) and
so did my Mum. Again i didn’t acknowledge my grief or allow myself to feel it. I concentrated on supporting her widowed husband and two children. My second husband was a tremendous help to me during that time. He was a great family man who had lost his first wife to Cancer. He died unexpectedly in February this year and i miss him so much. I feel as though i am grieving belatedly for all of my losses and it’s exhausting. I have found great help from the Grief Works app and still participate in their Zoom meetings on a Monday at 6pm. I have had to move house as his house now belongs to his 3 adult children. I am holding on to my memories and learning to reach out to my family and friends when i am feeling lonely. I have had a couple of weekends away with friends and family which i felt did me good, and i am going on holiday with my son-in-law and two grandchildren in a couple of weeks time. Its hard going but i am a natural optimist and have faith in a higher power which is a great help. I hope you find a way forward and that gradually your sadness will become less acute.
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That’s interesting - I’ve also lost two husbands so people think I have some sort of blueprint on how to manage grief - but I really really don’t. I never thought I’d survive my first loss but I met my new husband who gave me a reason to live, but now he’s gone too and I’m looking at a sad and lonely future just ‘keeping busy’ and going through the motions. It’s hopeless.
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