I’m really struggling with anxiety today and don’t want to go out.ni just want to sit home, eat rubbish and relax all day. I feel so low and alone. I just want a hug off my mum
It is normal for you to have this type of day, I am 6 months on from losing my beloved husband, I certainly go through what you are experiencing. I am practically housebound due to various medical conditions, so we are different in that respect. Grief is the most horrible emotion that, in my opinion, anyone can experience. Every thing seems so dark, go with the flow and I hope that tomorrow is a better day for you.
DWR6989, I’m sorry to hear you are having a bad day. You are never alone, as there is always someone who will reply to you on her.
I have on off anxiety bubbling under the surface, since Mum passed away. i think it just because our minds and bodies are pushed through so much with grief.
Do you have to go out today?
My mum passed away a little over four months ago and I have mostly hibernated. I just don’t want to deal with people or put on a happy face! It just feels right to be quiet at the moment. Perhaps, once the summer weather turns up I’ll feel more inspired to embrace the outside world!
Life seems intolerable sometimes. Sometimes you feel as though the world has sucked everything out of you, and yet you feel full to bursting with anxiety, restlessness, agitation, pain; going out, shopping, having to deal with conversations that seem so damn trivial, unnecessary, consumed as you can be with grief. Any one of us here could say you are not alone, but only you are feeling your feelings. Loneliness, isolation, is so understandable. Here, people understand. So although we can’t feel it for you, physically hug you, replace your Mum (why, how could anyone), take away the pain, you can be certain we are listening.
Thank you for all your messages of support it really does mean the world to me right now. I made sure I took it easy today, relaxed and let my mind and body rest. I just can’t seem to switch off especially at night! I’m constantly thinking of things I should have, could have done for my mum before she passed.
Ooh … guilt is a very sly fox! And very probably one of the nastiest traps you can find yourself in. You can rationalise and decide that you did indeed do what was needed, but then you second guess yourself because you don’t feel guilty at a particular moment, so you must be a bad person and now obviously didn’t do everything you could and now feel guilty for not feeling guilty a moment ago … Times like these, remind yourself that you are grieving and your mind doesn’t always make a hell of a lot of sense. And it doesn’t matter how much reasoning someone chucks at you, you’ll carry on twisting all sorts of self-punishment out of it. And you’ll get some uncomfortable memories, ones where you feel so much remorse in the present moment for something that is way out of proportion in the past that you’ll screw your face up and cringe an “Oh god … no!” And it’s that you just can’t change it that takes accepting. And self-forgiveness if you really didn’t get everything just perfect. And you’ll chase your tail round and around until, sometime, you suddenly notice that you just spent a few moments not tormenting yourself, and your relief will be palpable! It feels so grotty so much of the time you’ll not believe anyone who says that things will change. Meantime, do like you did today - give yourself space, watch yourself from time to time and treat yourself like you’re someone responsible for caring for. Hug!
I’m sorry to hear you’re having a bad day.
It literally feels like your words are mine just now. It’s 16 weeks today since I lost my Dad, and I really thought I was starting to feel more like me again. Like you, I’ve been too plagued with anxiety/ panic attacks to leave my house but lately I managed ASDA, BnQ, and the coffee shop round the corner! Doesn’t seem like much to most but it’s been an achievement for me. I stopped feeling the constant guilt and just let myself have good days, whereas before I’d plague myself with guilt for being happy without him/ knowing what’s happened. I stopped crying everyday for nearly a week but today something hit me… I don’t know what it was. I just keep getting hit with the ‘omg my Dad’s dead’ thought. It’s horrific it’s also his birthday on the 12th of March and he would’ve been 65. I can’t decide on planning something to do special, or just see how the day takes me as I’m expecting a lot of tears.
Do whatever feels right for you is all I can suggest. If you feel like staying in bed, do it! You deserve to grieve in whatever way feels comfortable for you. I prefer to grieve in private, then I can really let it out. We’ve suffered a trauma… when we break a bone, we wrap the surrounding area up in a soft, supporting bandage. Sometimes they can heal in a few weeks, and others can take months depending on the break and how you heal. We need to view our grief in the same way. It’s all ok.
Take care x
Sven such a wonderful explanation of guilt. Really helped me this morning. Have woken up also with dreadful anxiety. And my old friend. Guilt.
It was my Mums birthday six weeks after she passed. Far too early. I stayed indoor hibernating by myself. I didn’t know what to do with myself, as I was just miserable all day. With hindsight I wish I’d gone out for the day and acknowledged her birthday less. Next year if I’m not working I intend to do something enjoyable like the seaside.
It’s mums birthday in April. Dad is coming to visit. We are going to Truro for lunch and will light a candle in the cathedral. She will think that’s very posh. I can see her little face now me telling her. Not a church mum. A cathedral. Nothing but the best for mum.
Thats lovely jooles. I tried to ignore the fact it was mums birthday in November.
I was going to but then dad said he wanted to do something together. It’s going to be very painful.
Everyone is different but I feel with Dad’s birthday, I’d love to do something in his honour. A motorbike run along his favourite route, cooking his favourite dinner or just being outside somewhere. I don’t feel I could ever not acknowledge, or try to do that less. Grief is so consuming. I’m trying to turn some into a nice positive, but truthfully nothing is positive without him. Not just now anyway.
I hope your planned day of the seaside works for you.
So much sense. Just seeing what you have written is so true and a comfort. Noone is perfect thats human though we want to be for those we love and torture ourselves for not being. Hugs and thanks for your wisdom
That’s a really positive move! You are embracing this time and making it precious. I’ll be thinking of you …
I’m glad you found a bit of solace in my words. And “hugs and thanks…”? Aw, hugs are always good, so back at you!
You are not on your own lovely. It is coming up to the 6th Anniversary of my mums death and it is always hard. I also lost my son in April 2019, i would have done anything to have my mum around. Go with how you feel lovely. If you want to sit on the sofa for the day eat rubbish food and watch rubbish telly do it.
You will have good days and bad days, but somehow you will always get through it. Thinking of you and sending you a big hug.
Thank you so much for this it’s nice to hear from people who are going through something similar. I feel so lost and alone, she was the only family I had and my world has been torn apart. I just feel like some days all I want to do is shut myself away from the world. I’m sorry to hear about your mum and son. a child is one thing I could never imagine loosing. My emotions are like a yo yo at the moment , I’m all over the place and guilt keeps creeping in
I am sure that you have nothing to feel guilty about lovely. Honestly the feelings that you are having are perfectly natural, but they will get better i promise.
You will never forget your mum, you will think about her everyday, but it will get to a point tgat when you think about her you will start to think of all of the happy times that you had with her. You have to allow yourself to feel how you need to feel. You must keep talking though and know that there are people out there who know exactly what you are going through.
Thank you so much. I think the guilt is because I wasn’t there when she passed away and she died alone a home. She always protected me, even right up to the end of her life, I was the only one around her that didn’t know how bad things really were. I’m hoping in time I can remember all the happier times we shared, we had plenty! I think I keep fighting against my feelings and trying to carry on as I did before this happened. I keep having moment of anger and extreme anxiety aswel, I’ve always suffered with anxiety but right now it’s almost unbearable. It’s nice to talk to someone that really understands right now the few people that are around me don’t really understand