People that have not been through donot know how it feels, we must forgive them.
It is a heavy burden carrying this guilt. I am sure if you had known that you mum was going to go at that exact time , you would have been there. I am sure that your mum knows that and would not want you to feel guilty. It is ok to feel sad though, you loved her a lot .
I promise that the sadness will pass and you will be able to smile again when you think of all those happy times with your mum. I bet they are all having a good time in heaven, having a good laugh at us lot down here😊
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Hi there, you sound a lot like me at the moment…l’ve only just re-introduced myself to fruit and miss my mum like crazy…it’s so hard…l just try to do one day at a time, no long term plans and there are days when l don’t have anything to do so l have to find something - it can be a little housework, a walk or just talking to a close friend of my mums…it’s only been a little over 2 months but l still talk to her, l find it comforting and it helps me think clearly…so because l am where you are please accept this virtual hug…please feel free to message me and l will try to get back to you…
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LostLynne54.
Hi and thank you so much for your message, it was very comforting to me.
Yes that’s exactly what I’m doing right now, taking things one day at a time and seeing how I feel each day, at the moment my emotions are like a yo yo, one minute I feel like I’m ready to take on the day, then the next I have a moment thinking about my mum and reality hits and my world comes crashing down again! Its good that you are taking one day at a time, it’s the best approach I think, I’m finding it hard to think any further than each day too. Thank you sending a big hug your way too.
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I think that as time passes it’s supposed to get a little easier but right now it’s still very raw and unreal…like a really bad dream…but from the people that l spoken to l’m quite normal for how l feel and how l’ve chosen to deal with things…you just find your own way that works for you…l also keep a bereavement journal where l, on difficult days/nights, just write without thinking or re-reading how l feel and/or how much l miss Mum…it’s private but hopefully it will also provide guidance when l start counselling…plus l also have a anxiety journal too…l find writing helps me…what’s hard is that l did everything with Mum and now, well you know…If you think it would help you could tell me about your Mum…we could swap stories/memories…but l’ll leave that with you…take care of yourself…
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Yes I’ve heard that it’s supposed to get a little easier with time. I also feel that it’s still very surreal and I have to keep pinching myself to make sure I’m not in some sort of dream. People have said that to me too that it’s all normal part of the grieving process but I can’t help but feel so alone. My mum was the only family I had and now she’s gone I feel abandoned, totally alone and scared of the future. I planned her funeral, arranged Every detail, i can’t even really remember the day of the funeral its all a blur, like I was there but blanked it out. I’ve got myself booked in for breavement cousilling and am due to go to my first appointment next week , I’m really looking forward to getting a few things off my chest and telling someone who can help and maybe explain why I feel this way. Well my mum would do anything for me, I was her only child, she had a hard time growing up and when she had me she made sure I was the centre of her world, I was a real mum!us boy. She had alot of heartache over the years, bad relationships, and people abusing her, she always protected me from everything and never told me much. In later years when I moved out she was alone, I saw her always and spent Christmases and birthdays with her as wel as time through the week. I found out she’d developed a problem with alcohol and I confronted her many times and she said she’d stopped and was fine. I later found out it was worse than I could have ever thought and she was throwing blood up for months without me knowing. I found out she’d been in ad out of hospital and social services had been involved because she was literally living in her own mess. She was so beautiful inside and out, I was so shocked to find this out, I was baffled because she was always telling me how good she felt and how she’d stopped drinking. I last saw her just before Christmas, I had the shock of my life, that was no longer the mum I knew she was so thing and gaunt, she wasn’t bothered what she was wearing or how she look, anyone who knew my mum knew that wasn’t her. She would never leave the house without her hair and makeup done,. She’d distanced herself so much the last year of her life, she would no longer answer my calls or make any effort to speak to me, and she would have walked over hot coals just to make sure I was ok at one time, before the addiction really took hold, I found out she died of a upper GI bleed and fatty liver. I’m always blaming myself for not doing more, I have 3 children that she could no longer be trusted around because she was sneaking bottles into my home and drinking them Infront of my children. I just wish I could have done more and feel like I’m left battling myself
Hi again, despite having two brothers l, like you, arranged everything - this was due to the fact that Mum and l were extremely close and did everything together and spent a lot of time talking so l knew what she wanted - but it doesn’t make it any easier because you know you’re saying goodbye…l also tried protecting her and staying positive throughout so she wouldn’t worry (as much)…I do wish l could have done more but l don’t know what…we holidayed, took day trips, shopping and walks always together including all her hospital visits - it’s probably why l still feel her loss so much and why l can’t see past today…been signed off until end of March because Dr doesn’t feel that l’m up to it yet but after that it will probably be a phased return so l can ease myself back. Mum was also a HUGE Elvis fan so, in her memory, there is a screening of Elvis that’s the way it is in April before her birthday and l’ve brought 2 tickets so Mum will be there with me and l’m popping over close to Mothering Sunday to lay some flowers and hopefully it will have stopped raining by then…most of what l’m doing is still based around Mum and will be for the foreseeable future…today was my first day back at the gym - light exercises - trying to get a natural feel good feeling because my Dr would like to put me on antidepressants and NO not having that so that kinda spurred me on but we’ll see…hopefully you will find the counselling helpful as l hope to when l start…try to have a good weekend despite the weather and maybe we’ll talk again later…
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Yes I was the same, we could always talk about anything me and mum. A few weeks before she passed away we spoke about what she wanted if anything happened to her, she said shed want cremating and to be with me. We actually had a laugh about it! It was nice to know we did have that chat and I’ve done the right thing, I have her with me at home and I’m getting comfort knowing she’s around me. If anything would happen to me later in life I want to be with her. It sounds like you and your mum had a really lovely bond.im the exact same it hurts so bad ever single day I feel the huge hole in my heart. I feel like part of me had died with her. My mum liked Elvis also, she was a big lover of 60s music too. I wouldn’t take antidepressants either I think it’s best to cope with all the raw emotions with a clearer head. It’s harder but better for mental health in the long run. I hope you had a good weekend, it’s nice talking with you
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Morning, hope your weekend went well despite the weather…l had 4 days alone butit turned out to be a good thing, can’t really explain why but it was good. Now for a new day, new week, few phone calls to make this morning which will hopefully give me the answers/information l need…this week will largely be focused (hahah…not something l’m good at right now) on the upcoming Will “reading” . Few choices made, can’t really call them decisions because that would imply l’ve settled on one…but still have time, everything will get there eventually…Take care of yourself and l’ll speak to you again soon…also liking talking to you too…
Morning, my weekend was a nice relaxing one just laid on the sofa binge watching some series. I had a few good days over the weekend but feeling really low again today. I had a dream last night about mum and she was alive it seemed so real just to wake up this morning and be back to the reality that she’s gone forever. I’m glad you had those days alone and it turned out to be a good thing, sometimes it’s nice to be alone and just let your mind wander about things. The few times I’ve been alone I’ve just cried and let it all out, it’s felt nice after, like a weight was lifted , it’s not often I do get upset and I tend to hold my feelings deep inside. I know what you mean about decision making, I found it really hard when arranging things and nothing seemed good enough for my mum. Thank you, it means alot, you take care too and hopefully speak again soon.
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Morning. Feeling low today too. I have binge watched last series of Line of Duty. Couldn’t help thinking last time I watched it. Mum was alive. My chest hurts today. It feels very heavy. I had the most awful nightmare last night. Woke me up and I feel very unsettled by it.
Husbands birthday last week so went out for dinner on Saturday which was nice. But I felt very anxious. And I talked about mum a lot. So probably bored everyone. But I’m honestly passed caring what people think.
Morning Jooles45 - I will have to admit that up til now l haven’t dreamt or had nightmares regarding my Mum or anyone…my head is very quiet and calm which l like…l too talk about Mum when l’m around people and l still talk to her wherever l am, its soothing to know that she can still hear me and guide me…l made pancake batter for the first time last Friday and l wasn’t sure if the batter was okay so l just asked and it like a quiet voice said “you need more flour” and l made some more today and did the same thing…As l mentioned to another person l also keep a bereavement journal which has a knock on effect to controlling my anxiety so if you want to talk to me or anybody about your Mum feel free…It’s what keeps the memories alive…sometimes l’ll see something, and if could be the smallest thing and l’ll tear up and that’s me for 10-15 minutes…
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Good morning my friends.
I am missing Stan more as time moves on, yet, I am receiving signs which I know are from him, I realise now that for the first 6 months I was numb with shock. I wonder how our minds can deal with such grief, I suppose we are stronger than we thought, there must be something/Someone, who is helping us because I have a strong Faith, I do believe that it does help me to cope. I am certain that when the time is right we shall be re-united.
Blessings to all of you and thank you for being such good friends.
Love,
Mary x x
Jooles
I’m watching Last Tango in Halifax with a heavy heart. Great drama that mum and I loved watching together.
I will never get used to being without mum. I had my sister and her family over for my daughters birthday yesterday and I deliberately talked about mum. If I don’t, no one else will x
I just went out and it was terrible. I crumpled at the foods in the supermarket i used to buy for mum for her special diet and came back vowing to never go out again. I cant stop crying. This group is special x
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Jooles45
I’m so sorry that your experiencing a bad day too. These bad day I don’t feel like doing anything and have no motivation to do the simplest of tasks. I just feel like shutting myself away from the world. I have that feeling too, like my heart is so heavy and aching like im extra sensitive to people and things around me and could burst into tears at any moment. Yes the dreams/nightmares can be very unsettling , that’s what’s set me back a little, I was having lots of dreams and they baited off for a few nights, then last night I had one and it’s completely thrown my emotions all over. I too get anxious feelings and am easily overwhelmed by the smallest situations now. If you need to talk about it, you do that. I’m the same my mum was the only family I had so I don’t care what people think anymore, I’ve nothing to lose.
Monday blues!!! I’m sorry you are all feeling it too. I’ve just started reading the book “it’s ok that you’re not ok” I’ve already cried and I’m still on the first chapter. But she completely encapsulates the feelings of people dealing with loss. Any kind of loss. Im going out for a walk shortly. Try and walk off some anxiety. Hope you all feel a little better later.
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Yes it must be! I might have to look into getting myself a copy of that book, it sounds like something I could do with right now. I hope you enjoy your walk and it makes you feel a little better, thank you it really means alot
I understand perfectly Pam. I never do a big shop anymore. It’s miserable shopping for one. Supermarkets overwhelm me these days. I just buy as and when now. Much love xx
Mum and l love watching Emmerdale and NCIS Los Angeles so l still do…although l’m probably more detached now. Have made a great effort to sort Mums room out - she was specific that it wasn’t to remain like a shrine but its hard, going to hold on to some of her stuff - her hair is on two of her brushes so thay have to remain. Mums’ also a big Elvis fan so, in her honour, l’m going to watch the screening of Elvis that’s the way it is in April, have brought 2 tickets and will take one of her Elvis jackets and a photo with me so it’ll feel like she’s actually there. I have 2 brothers - the one l own the house with is quite deep but does mention Mum occasionally and the younger one well honesty he’s lucky l still acknowledge him unlike his son who used to ring or facebook me to ask how his granny was and would pop down just because and he will ask how l am unlike his dad who told me to “stop feeling sorry for myself” - felt the need to point out that I am actually grieving!!! Like you losing Mum is not going to be something l will just get over any time soon if ever…
I know.
My mum was also a huge Elvis fan. She has a 1000 piece Elvis jigsaw framed on her bedroom wall. I’ve removed all the other photos, nik naks and clock etc to de mum the room but I cant remove that.
Mum and i were massively into all 50s and 60s music and thats why i cant play it.
I hope i will be able to one day.
Cheryl x