When my parents and sister died, so many people said “if you want to talk I’m here”. I didn’t want to then. Now, I have days when I want to talk about events and feelings so much, but don’t feel I can, because everyone has “ moved on”. Any thoughts?
Hi Daphne yes, exactly the same has happened to me. Lots of anything at all I can do for you in the early days but it soon fizzled out. I think people mean it at the time but many expect you to have moved on after quite a short time. I’m a year on from losing my husband and feel worse now than when it first happened. Relatives of my husbands are particularly guilty of promising to stay in touch and then not hearing from them for months. People just don’t get it, they aren’t where we are.
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Oh Sandie5 thank you. I feel a bit better knowing it’s not just me experiencing this. I’m waiting for counselling but it’s not even that. I just want to talk sometimes
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we all need to talk but there is less and less opportunity in this online world. people are natural chatterers. not normal not to.
I feel like people think time helps and ir doesnt at all, if anything in my feelings/opinion it gets harder, someone said to me the other day, “are you alright about your mum now” this is why i avoid people, how am i ever going to be okay again, she was my life and soul 
we dont move on, time just moves inbetween but my world stopped that day, i only carry on for my precious children. If you need to talk im here, sorry for the ramble
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Daphneo
Constant hear this and unless you have been through this horrible thing call grief they will just not get it. It is nothing like anything I have ever experienced when when I lost my dad 25 years ago and my mum during Covid.
Right so why don’t we set up a Google video chat or something like that. I am only one week in having lost my soul mate of 37 years( 34) but for the past 20 days she was on palliative care then end of life care at home and today nobody amazing. Step daughter gone back to Suffolk which is understandable, step son of 41 going on 15, just text me to say “ won’t be back tonight “ I have put him up because his obnoxious partner kicked him out. Some company would have been appreciated but it was a realization that this is it. Get on with it !strong text
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The world today makes it worse as that person we confided in isnt there no more. I dont think we will ever get that back or the decades we felt better in. Im going to say im lucky and you will think im mad. I lost my mum in August 23 and June 24 i was diagnosed with Myeloma Cancer. Im part of a Myeloma group at Maggies and i get support from other sufferers. Theres s a real feeling of care and support and i am asked how i am when i visit. Thats the problem with todays world, its all about money now and it probably get worse.
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@Keith68 think we all wish we could go back in time. trouble is now adays a lot of people sre only intersted and care about people they dont know in countries that like to bomb each other but when it comes to family and people closer to home they cant be bothered, plus as you say its all about money and what they look like.
at least you have support from your group which is good. gone are the days when people cared about family and rallyed round eah other
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Its depressing though and effects your health too.
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What I find hard is also the guilt that I feel like this. Other people are going through their own stuff, in the here and now, so why would they have time for me and my talk/tears about those who aren’t here anymore?
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We all should have time for each other thats what this forum is for. But i lost my mum so its a bit difficult for me to relate to post about husbands and wifes for me.
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I got to be honest even when mum was alive she didnt really have a strong family around her just me. Obviously i have a older sister and i just messaged her on whats app. Mums money was split between me and my sister. She older then me 75, but Friday just gone i went up to see mum and my old flowers were still there at the grave. I got rid and replaced with new ones, but its made me feel emotional knowing im the only one going up to see mum.
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this is so true - all about money. it has become such an EVIL world and it is thugs running it. the French peasants of 1790 would have risen up, by now.
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I feel when people recount their cold others and cold friends, that coldness comes from the evil that has our world in its grip. some literally cannot afford to care, and also shut down emotionally. manners and propriety long dispensed with.
its not an evil world, far from it, just its faster now and people have their own lives and are not close like they used to be. you used to know your neighbours or if there was a knock on the door,you would put the kettle on.
we all say if you need anything get in touch, but the bottom line is none of us carry that out and secretly hope the person doesnt get in touch. sad i know but its the reality.
we can be guaranteed of 3 things in life, birth, taxes and death. the first two we have no problems talking about but for some reason death is still a taboo subject even in the 21st century. people tend to avoid it on all levels and we shouldnt be like that
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Yes my mum was like that and while i still not dealt with my funeral arrangements as of yet. I cant but help thinking should i bother and let the council deal with it ? Get my moneys worth for the council tax i have to pay. I do hate my council with a vengence. Greedy i wont say what i call them or think of them as or my post will get removed. I belong to a spiritual group on FB and might as well say death isnt the end. How can it be ? We the human race know nothing, just what we learn whilst we are here. But theres more to life than we can comprehend.
@Keith68 sometimes i think getting arrangements tempts fate, i had a plan for hubby 6 months before he died, never had onebefore. i did try religion once but found there were more hypocrites in the church than anywhere else pus all the unbelievable stuff in the bible that has been proved to be wrong. they reckon man has been around for 300,000 yrs, if there is life after death then what we call heaven must be bigger than the universe and totally impossible. for some reason people need a crutch to hang onto, i knew a woman who wouldnt do anything without praying about it first and i mean anything, in her case there is definately more to life.
think youare right about the councils and yes your post would be banned lol
What i will say about the bible is it was written by man and we all know how man has messed up. I think its possible there could be life after death. No one knows how big the universe is and according to scientist its expanding. Everything about religion and science is confined to this planet outside this planet we know nothing. We are actially classed as a 0 population. Besides greed and war we hardly evolved and my opinion is now we are going backwards as a society.
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Sue F1
On the one hand I am saddened by your post especially about plans. We had planned for Sallys 70th birthday on 23/11 but alas we will not be celebrating that now however
You bring me so much joy with some of your posts . Absolutely fantastic. Having being down with despair and grief I read your post and it made me laugh out loud especially about size of heaven. I am still giggling . Thank you so much
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Yes I was the told that myself. I can guess how you are feeling and you have lots of questions without answers. But since the passing I don’t talk to partners family due to actions and tactics that they used after the passing. So now I have questions and no answers. I have a bereavement help contacting me on Tuesday. I hope you can get some answers. Blessings to you