I lost my husband in September 2024 to cancer. He passed away in my arms. I can never forget the last few days in the hospice—they make me so, so sad.
I have so many friends, neighbors, and pets around me to support me, and I thank them a million times over. Yet, I still feel nothing truly helps.
I have work to do, I am part of a few local social groups, I read, and I play the piano. I also have a sweet dog to look after. But again, nothing seems to help. I still feel pain every day, and I still cry every day.
Sometimes, I feel like there’s nothing worthwhile for me to carry on. The only comfort I find is knowing that my husband went before me—otherwise, it would have been him to suffer.
I accept that this is my life now—living a meaningless life and crying every day. If I were diagnosed with cancer, I wouldn’t seek any treatment. I would just let myself go.
I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your husband that brings you here and that you are feeling pain and sadness every day.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help right now.
Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
i read your post and so sorry for your loss yes it is a very hard time i lost my husband of 48 years 8 months ago today and it is crap but it is worthwhile you carrying on because they were robbed of their lives so we have to live for them as best we can till we meet them again like yourself days and nights are very hard but some days we seem to get their but it is early days for you so its one step at a time thats the best we can do and crying is all part of this journey we are on which is shit so just keep doing what you do
It’s only 3 weeks, I haven’t even buried my yet, but so much on here resonates.
I might have written your last two paragraphs here myself. The same with other posts on here about it was always enough to be just the two of us and how our loss has left us totally alone.
Take comfort in knowing she’s not suffering any more, that others understand or even that I’ll learn to live with my grief. Seriously? Talking to someone else who is going through this, grief support and counselling work - sorry but again, seriously? I know myself too well to believe that.
‘Time has a way of healing, it can dry all the tears from your eyes, but they don’t tell you about this empty feeling…’ my favourite song goes. The second part gets it right at least but time? I’ve got far too much as it is.
Besides, the sheer number of people on here, often in the middle of the night, months, even years, after the loss of their partner, suggests that, for so many of us, nothing works.
I do share your pain and genuinely hope you, and others trapped in this same darkness, find something, some light, anything that helps at all. A reason to fight perhaps?
My wife fought, she fought hard for more than three years. Should I do the same? Why bother?
Sorry you are here, none of us want to be.
My husband died on 8 th October, he was only 56 so 3+ months into this shit show for me.
It is incredibly tough for you at the moment and I hope you find some kind of comfort in one form or another here.
It is so raw for you now and you are smack bang in the middle of this maelstrom.
My strategy was/is just to ‘roll with it’ whichever emotion decides to knock on your door, accept it, and let it in. Don’t fight it, as the emotion will win, every time. I am having ok days now. You will too. In time. Why bother? Your wife will have wanted you to. And one day, you will want to.
I won’t lie, it’s a bloody bumpy up and down road, but one day in the future, whenever that may be, the rawness will lose its edge, and the grief will become a part of you that you will ‘learn’ to live with in the future.
Helen.
