Woke up this morning with usual dread and stomach churning feeling and said oh why can’t I go back to how it was before Jim died. My life it awful I want to scream . I must have done something really bad for god to punish me so much. Can I even get out of bed if I do what for ? . Only to sit looking out of window watching the world go by . Please god take me away from this cruel world I want to go I need to go I need Jim to feel his arms round me and feel safe in his arms. I know he’s waiting for me . Let me go.
I think weekends are always harder. John would always cook a bacon and egg sandwich and watch the Morning Line. Without exception he did this every Saturday morning. I cooked some bacon this morning and the lovely smell took me right back to the good old days. It’s been one year in a couple of weeks and it seems like yesterday. How I’ve got through the past year is beyond me but I’ve made it. To say it’s been the worst time of my life is an understatement but I am trying to push through the pain and live what life I have left the best way I can. My sons and friends have been brilliant I know I would have never got through this without their support.
I’ve made this post about me sorry but I wanted you to know I’ve felt exactly the same way you are feeling and thought it would be so much easier if I wasn’t around. But would it ? Not for me and certainly let not for my boys who have suffered enough as it is.
Hello Misprint - I know that dread and stomach churning feeling, too. It is horrible. I often have to force myself to get up and out. I wander about the house, talking to him, no reply but somehow, it helps. My husband died nearly 2 months ago - I can hardly believe it that recent - it feels like forever. Right now, I am dealing with saving his business, which is going downhill fast. I hope to sell it - but it is touch and go with a cash crisis. So I really do know how you feel about life being really hard. Misprint - you are not alone, you have a community here who get it, who know, who are with you. Maybe make yourself a cup of tea or coffee and regroup. That’s what I am going to do - have one with me, virtually? Keep going, my dear Misprint - keep going.
Hi I know exactly how you feel . I thought I was doing ok but last couple of days just don’t want to be here don’t want and don’t like this existence it’s not a life. I just want to be with my hubby . It’s six months now and getting worse . Sorry this won’t have helped you but I don’t know what will help any of us x take care x
Aww I wish I could say something to help you,I feel just the same just dragged myself out of bed,now what,sat here feeling so lonely,heartbroken,my heart feels like it’s pounding don’t know how we are to carry on
I miss my husband so much didn’t think it could feel any worse but after 6 months this torture is getting worse
Thank you all of you for your kind words I just feel so alone I’m gone right back to day 1. I feel deserted all friends just getting on with there lives me stuck in mine. Its been 6 months of hell. Sorry if I sound like I’m feeling sorry for myself but I don’t know what to do. I MISS HIM SO MUCH.
Misprint listen to me you have every right to feel sorry for yourself the same way you would feel sorry for anyone else in our position. We’ve all had a nightmare of a time and however we’d think we’d feel if we lost our partners it’s a million times worse. So go on feel sorry for yourself and then have a cuppa and go for a walk. I’ve not much to do today just visiting a neighbour who’s gone into a nursing home and then going to wash my car. It’ll take me ages but not else much to do.
Stay strong m’dear
I hear you, Misprint - I hear you and feel the same way. We are all with you on here. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, it will take you forward. There is no short cut through grief, I have discovered. It is an emotional assault course, with the obstacles getting bigger and bigger. We are going around this course together, hauling each other up and over as we go. Be gentle on yourself, find a way to look after yourself today. Each day, try and do one thing for yourself that is kind, that is loving. He would want you to, I am sure of that.
Hi your not feeling sorry for yourself this is our life now and it’s totally CRAP . Take care x
Oh Misprint, bless you. There’s nothing I can say to help except I know how you feel.
I have fantastic friends & family but when I’m alone, like today, that sick feeling is there again. I go for a walk, then I’ll probably cut the grass. Just getting outside makes me feel a bit better.
Have a cuppa, go and get some fresh air and please know we honestly do know how you feel.
I know that stomach churning feeling at the beginning of the day. We have to try and get up get ready and face the day. It’s so difficult sometimes and I do think weekends are worse. Please try and get out to enjoy the sunshine.
Sending you a hug xx
Janey 100% agree we all know how you are feeling and there are no hard and fast rules to grieving. We all must struggle through this at our own pace. People on this forum have all experienced grief at different levels but what we do share is that total empty feeling of loss. I cannot compare what we are feeling to anything else I have ever experienced so we all have our own way of dealing with it.
Keeping busy keeps me going but I know the that may not work for everyone. To sit thinking the “what ifs” would finish me off so the less time I sit doing nothing the better.
Keep going everyone
@Misprint hi misprint I’m sorry you are feeling like this. But I can totally relate to it. It’s how I feel everyday. But we have to keep going for our lost loves and our pets. I know it is so hard and some days hit harder than others. Keep on fighting my friend . I don’t know how, but somehow we get through each day. I see each day I get through as a day closer to being reunited with pauline. Sending you hugs x
We are all here for you and unfortunately we do understand because we are going through the same grief. I know other people try to help and are kind but until you go through this you don’t understand. It helps me to think some people are going through so much worst but there’s good days and horrific day’s. Keep talking we are all here for you. Virtual hugs
I know what you mean by keeping busy. My new windows are being fitted in a week. My bedroom painted and a carpet fitted. None of this had been done for 16 years. I need to move back into our bedroom I have been busy organising and have put some lovely tiles in the kitchen and bathroom. But once this is all done I wonder how I will be. I am sitting here alone and my mood has dipped. My sister has gone home. I have given smudge some extra hugs as I don’t get them now. Everyone I know are not huggers. How I need one x
Big hug, Nel, big hug. Keep breathing, keep going.
Sending you a big hug Nel. Ian used to give the best, biggest bear hugs. Sometimes I couldn’t breathe, haha, I miss them more than words can ever say
BIG hug from me as well. I threw myself into decorating our lounge, something we both had planned to do. Once it was finished I was so happy with it but knew my mood would dip. It was a much needed distraction at the time but then you think “now what”. There’s only so much reorganising and redecorating you can do and at the end of the day I was still alone and sad . We all need big hugs !!!
Love to all
Same as you I’ve been busy the last couple of weeks decorating the bedroom. The sliding wardrobe doors had faded with the sun so have painted them been wanting to do them for ages. Really pleased with the result and pleased with myself for doing it all. Carpet down yesterday so all put back. But I have the “what now “ feeling. I can’t keep that busy all the time xx
Well done Barbara 61 bet it looks good and it feels great when we manage to do something we have been meaning to do for ages. Today I decided to clean my windows would have been done by Jim . So got karcher out and managed to do them all outside felt good to do something if only to take mind off things for a while. Will do inside windows tomorrow as charge ran out on karcher.