Hi everyone… So glad that u opened this post …I’m 37 and my husband died 12 weeks ago he was 36 I have a four and five year old …I’m literally leaving one day at a time … Heartbroken for me and my kids …not only have friends told me that I will meet someone else and that I’m only young but suggest that I will find another daddy for them…I actually cried infromt of them …
Hi Michelle,
People just don’t engage their brain before opening their mouths do they? It’s so upsetting. I really feel for you. It’s easier said than done, but try and let their comments float away and don’t let them settle. I’m sending you hugs.
Love Linda xx
Arghhhh! So heartless and thoughtless. Much love to you Michelle. I’m so sorry for what you are going through. I’m sorry to my heart for all of us. Xx
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Hi
I feel exactly the same as you
When I returned to work after losing my husband a colleague said to me ‘you are young still and will find someone else!’
I was livid
You can’t just replace someone you have built years of a relationship with!
Ive had it said since too!
It is certainly not comforting being told this
There are endless amounts of single very happy women so I cant understand why they think someone who has lost the ‘love of their lives!’ Desperately need to be with a new partner!
And I too understand some people may find deep comfort in moving on.
I honestly, don’t think I would be so insensitive to say that to anyone in my position x
This has been the most painful thing that has been frequently said to me by a very good friend.
“You won’t be on your own for long.”
She’s known me and my husband for 22 years!
She really liked him…
I don’t get it she has a lovely marriage herself.
I am lost without him, he died 8/7/18 and what is tearing me apart is I will never again know him as his physical self.
I DO NOT want to meet anyone else I want him back.
We were married for 33 years, how do I face the future without him?
Before I met him at college I lived with my parents.
58 and on my own, my girls can’t bear to continue living at home without him and so are moving out.
We had such plans, he took early retirement in April!
I don’t know even your best friends don’t know what to say and do not realise how their comments twist like a knife.
Hi Bernn
I’m with you totally. I’m 58 too, met Carl when we were both 17 and went from living with my parents to being married. Carl died on the 2nd July suddenly, in the gym. We had no children and were best friends. I miss him so much. My “friend” said “never say never” when I said I wouldn’t marry anyone else. Carl is my husband. He always will be, irrespective of what legal terminology states. I hate the word widow. I’m Carl’s wife. She was puzzled when I said this and this is coming from a trained counsellor too!!! Like you I can’t get my head and heart around the fact I won’t see him or hold him in the physical sense ever again. Heartbreaking. I’m sending you a big hug. Xxx
Oh Hon,
I’m so sorry for your loss too.
I reach out to you in love, empathy and wrap you in a blanket of hugs.
Strangers make more sense and seemingly more able to penetrate the devastating abandonment of a lifetime love.
xxx
Hi Mrs Plummer
Having read all the messages, I can only agree with all of your comments.
I haven’t had anyone tell me anything like the sorts of things you’ve heard, fortunately.
I still have all my husbands things around the house where they always were. His toiletries in the bathroom and aftershave in the bedroom. His work boots in the kitchen etc. I have no intention of getting rid of any of his clothes to charity shops etc, as I love having Keith’s belongings around me for as long as I want them to be.
I take each day as another one I’ve got through, some are better than others, but hopefully there will be more better days as time goes on. I wish the same for you all, lots of love to you all, Dolly dimple xxx
Maybe we should just pity them that they don’t know what it is too love as deeply as we do … don’t get me wrong I’m terrified at the thought of spending the rest of my life alone and bringing my kids up alone and them having no daddy around … but I truly feel if I met someone else I would just be making do …I don’t want to make do .it’s along road ahead at 37. My husband was 36 . I’m sat here now and can vividly imagine him just walking into the room and saying hi …our world has just been turned upside down …I just don’t know where I’ll find the strength to get through it … I went to the doctor today because my hair is falling out they have put me on tablets too… the doctor was so uncaring I tried talking about how I felt he was not interested or in my husband … I was crying as I came out I was so we embarrassed…and I come home and there’s no one to talk too …
Someone suggested to me that I should get a dog. That’s a great replacement… Not.
Michelle
I know it’s not the same as having someone “real” to hug you but try and imagine all the virtual hugs we are sending to you now. I’ve been lucky in that my doctor sits next to me, holds my hand and gives me tissues when I cry. She’s so lovely. She even put me in touch with another patient who lost her partner a week before I lost Carl as she thought it might help, and , it has. Just to be able to say” do you feel like this” or “ do you do that” is so comforting when the other person knows!! Keep posting on here. You know we will understand. Lots of hugs. Xxx
Ah thank u … lots of ladies on here have been brilliant and it’s the only place I can come to off load …it’s the only time I feel ok when I’m talking to people who understand…
Hi all
I was married for 36 years my husband passed on the 26th of November so I coming up to the first year with out him .
I was told bye a few people you are still young you have got your life in front of you and you will meet someone else my answer is this to all that have said it to me I am not divorced my husband didn’t leave me for a other woman and I never left him for a other man so I am still married to the one and only man that I loved and will always love my wedding ring was put on my finger by my husband and there it will stay .
Lily
Hi Mrs Plumber
I can really identify with how you feel. I lost my husband Paul three years ago and can never imagine being with anyone else. He was my whole world for the 38 years we were married and like you, I still consider myself married. I believe that although we’re apart physically, Paul is near me and we will be together again one day. We had such a strong bond, he was my soulmate and my best friend and I could never find what we had with anyone else nor would I want to. Life is so lonely without him and I miss him so much but I’m thankful for the wonderful life we shared together and the lovely memories I have. Like you, I don’t judge anyone who has found love with someone else but it’s not for me.
I am so with you on this Lily. I’ve said in a previous conversation how I hate the term widow. I am a married woman and always will be. Xx
I can really relate to this. I lost my partner in February after 41 years together and I think I’ve heard just about all of the things mentioned here. I’ve been told I should move house and that I’m still young. But the most upsetting ones have come from close family. ‘Isn’t it about time you cleaned out all the clutter?’ It might be clutter to them but it’s my Michael’s stuff and I’m nowhere near ready to get rid of it yet!! The other annoying one is… ‘Michael wouldn’t want you to be like this…’ Do they really think that I want to be like this? Do they think I enjoy being sad and miserable every day? Maybe if, God forbid, it happens to them, they’ll understand but until that day I wish they’d just keep their opinions to themselves and let me get on with trying to put my life back together in my own time! Sorry for the rant but needed to get it out.
I kn ow how u feel Maggie I’m 37 and me and my little ones lost there daddy 13 weeks ago …some idiot this morning said u need to get your self on plenty of fish u don’t want them growing up without a daddy …then she laughed and said haha joke …I could if slapped her in the face … they have a daddy and he will never ever be replaced …of course it’s a long road ahead for me but if I’m alone I’m alone …I’ll never feel the same for anyone else…I also get people saying at school …see look at u .your doing fine…erm no I’m not what do u want me to do cry on the school run every day …I put on a brave face for my kids …and that’s it …like u say how would they deal with it … love to you x
That’s the thing - on the outside we look like we’re doing ok, we look perfectly normal, but nobody can see what’s going on inside of us, we’re far from normal, we’re far from doing ok. The inner turmoil is tearing us apart, the screaming inside our heads, inside our hearts is deafening. As I’ve said in previous chats, we become very good actors. What do people expect us to look like? Should we walk around with boards strapped to us saying “I’m not ok”?? I know people don’t mean to be unkind but their comments do leave me exasperated at times. It’s just a lack of understanding. Love to you all xx
It’s just more stress having to listen to there stupidity… my little boy has a presentation tomorrow…they have to take in a photo that’s important to them …he asked to take a picture of him and his daddy which was taken on holiday 2 weeks before he died …I’m so nervous for him… he has to stand in front of the class. And talk about why it’s important… I’ve told him it may make him sad but he said he wants his friends to see daddy … I’m so worried I won’t be with him …they have been through so much …
I think you will be amazed at how your son will cope showing his photo to the class. Children are incredibly resilient - a resilience we don’t give them credit for. Try not to worry for him Michelle, he’ll be fine and maybe it’s something he needs to do and both you and his daddy will be very proud of him. Make sure you tell him so. Sending you a big hug to you and your babies xx