One more last day 💕

[Katyh]

Good afternoon,

What a miserable time we are all having. I’ve just got back home after doing what I need to do today.

As always the weekends are the worst times since loosing ones soulmate

I was just sat here thinking what would I give for one more day with my Andrew, what would we do, if we only had one more day? What would I say to him if I knew my words would be my last to him?

Well I think on a day like today, cold wet and thundery we would have had a “duvet day” having both worked hard during the week! We quite liked a lazy day

I would have woken early and made Andrew his favourite breakfast as a treat. A full English with black pudding and as he would say a greasy spoons egg (runny yolk but frazzled egg white, yuk! Buy he loved it) while I made breakfast he would take our boy Simba out for a walk.

After breakfast he would nip and get “provisions” for the day while I cleaned up after breakfast.and changed the bedding. He would had gotten some treats for us to have during our duvet day

We would then get a shower, make a bru and go to bed to find something to watch. This could take us a good hour! After finding something to watch we would get all snuggling. I used to say you’ve left a “gap” between us, he used to find this funny and snuggle in closer

I would ask him to tell me something “nice” I did this from time to time and he would tell me how beautiful I was, how much he loved me and how excited he was for our next planned adventure. I am a silly arse as he’d say but he loved telling me little storeys. I used to say my nose is cold and he’d kiss it untill it warmed up bloody hard never having Andree here with me again to love all my weirdness

After an afternoon of watching crap on TV we would debate what we wanted for tea. Saturday is one of the only teas he would make us, as I got usually get in from work sooner than he did. So we would probably have a take away, I would probably moan when it arrived that something was missing or it was horrible. I’ve never been keen on take aways, don’t mind a chip butty or an odd cheeseburger from MDs. Andrew was a greedy sod and loved take aways

After tea we would have a couple of drinks and listen to music, have a little dance and some hanky panky

If I knew it was the last time I would say the following:

I would tell Andrew how he has enriched my life in a million ways, how special he made me feel, how much i felt his love, how he is my soulmate, my favourite person, my sexy hulk snuggle pups and how much ill love him forever in this life and the next. I would tell him that know matter where he is I’ll find him. I would thank him for being mine, for being a gentleman, for always wholeheartedly standing by me and his promises, for loving me unconditionally and for supporting me through life’s challenges. Thank you sweetheart

What would your perfect day be? Xx

[Sassys56]

What a beautiful post, i was blessed to hold my husband in my arms as he passed and tell him everything i needed to say i am certain your husband knew your thoughts and held your love. Best of wishes to you as we carry on our journey without them but with them forever in our hearts and our thoughts x

[Katyh]

@Sassys56

How special being able to tell him

I was cuddling my Andrew as he passed but I was so upset I just kept saying I love you and you’ll be ok love. Shit that brought me right back there xx

[Sassys56]

Im so sorry thats why im hesitant to write posts…dont want to upset people more than they are how lovely though that you were with him and told him you loved him

[Katyh]

@Sassys56

Don’t be hesitant, it’s good to cry it gets it all out! What you post may be how someone else is also feeling.

Yes I know he knows just how much I loved him. Shortly after he passed I spoke to a medium who said that the love I had for him helped him transition easily, which I thought was lovely

[Sassys56]

How lovely, so comforting for you

[Alone1]

What a lovely post Katyh. Thank you so much for sharing.
Sadly, I lost my partner in 2001. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to visit him while he was in hospital due to having caught that dreaded Covid in another hospital! I was only able to see him and speak to him via the hospital video link. He was attached to all the tubes and couldn’t reply to me or hold a conversation.
On the Saturday before he died I told him how much I loved and missed him, and he blew me a sort of a kiss (as best as he could).
The next day, Sunday, while waiting for my video link, I got the dreaded phone call to say that he passed away. So I never got the chance to tell him again just how much I loved him.
Three years later, the pain and heartache are still with me. It hurts so much that I wasn’t able to be there with him and tell him how much I loved and needed him. I don’t think I will ever get over losing him.
Take care xx

[Katyh]

@Alone1

How awful for you both! Bloody COVID shouldn’t have been in the way of being with each other during final days…I’m sorry to hear that. How lovely he blew a kiss though, even though he was so poorly I bet it hurt so much not being able to be close to him or say final farewells xx

[Willow112]

My perfect day would be waking up and finding out that this has been an awful f***ing nightmare. That he was lying next to me, that we could spend the day doing ordinary boring things. One of us would notice that the lawn needs mowing, the weeds have grown with all the rain. Then we would say ‘sod that, let’s have a coffee’. Then we would settle down on the sofa and watch a film because it’s raining again. We would be holding hands, happy and content that we had each other. I would cook something nice for dinner, he would say ‘thank you, this is lovely’. He was always appreciative, then he would make coffee. He would load the dishwasher, I would load the washing machine. Then we would get our daughter ready for bed, tell her we love her. Spend a couple of hours happily together before bedtime. Kiss goodnight, say how lucky we are and that we love each other. Go to sleep, neither of us would have a bloody cardiac arrest, nobody would die. And tomorrow we would wake up and do it all again.
That would be my perfect day. Gloriously predictable.
Instead of that I feel as if I have been cut in half, yet still have to carry on surviving.
With much love to all my suffering friends out there. Xx

[Alone1]

There are moments in life when you wish you could bring someone down from Heaven to spend the day with them, just one more time, give them a hug, kiss them goodbye or hear their voice again.
One more chance to say “I love you”.

[Katyh]

@Willow112

Sounds lovely

I forgot to include that no one dies, now that would be a perfect days xx

[Katyh]

@Alone1

That would be truly amazing! Maybe someday in the future they would figure that one out

[warriner21]

Hi @Katyh

What a beautiful post.

It made me cry though - one of the last things I said to my darling husband before he died was “I will find you wherever you are”. Never told anybody that before, but those words just touched a nerve with me and it just brought it all back.

I lost him 3 years in August and still lost without him. Sorry feeling very emotional. My wedding anniversary on 21st June. Sat here sobbing.

My perfect day would be any day with him.

Alison xx

[Katyh]

Hi Allison @warriner21

Sorry that it made you cry ,

Aww anyday with him would be perfect, how very true

I believe you will find your soulmate again. They will be waiting for us when it’s our time to go…I can’t wait to give him a slap for leaving me!

Hopefully on your anniversary you’ll find be able to celebrate the love you have for each other, rather than focus on the stolen future. I know that is harder said than done.

Even after 3 years is it still so awful? I was hoping it get easier please say it gets easier xx

[warriner21]

Hi @Katyh

It does get easier and I do enjoy life as much as I can. It is not as awful, it does get better.

I lost my dad 18 months before my husband and my darling mum has literally kept alive. But and it is a big but, I miss him every day of my life. I lost all my hopes and dreams when I lost him. I am now 62 and will spend the rest of my life on my own, as I don’t want anyone else in my life now. I had the best, no one else will do for me.

The words “I will find you” just resonated with me and touched me. I will find him, I know I will.

xx

[Katyh]

@warriner21

Thank you for the reassurance I’m so glad it gets easier.

I was with my Andrew for 18 years, I got with him when I was 19. We should have had so much more time to enjoy life and each other. Life can be so cruel!

Yes you will find each other. A medium told me that we always reconnect with our soulmates and then we decide what we want to do next. Even if you meet and love other people you will always go back to be with your soulmate. She also said that they sometimes send us someone to support us as they don’t want us to be unhappy or unfulfilled. Xx

[warriner21]

Hi @Katyh

It does get easier. I have had a lovely day today at the races with my mum. And mum & I go away a lot. We go to Spain and nearly every month to a Warners Hotel, and we have a brilliant time. My mum is amazing, 82 years old next month and a bundle of fun. She has more go in her than I do! We were broken after losing my dad, but to get the cancer diagnosis for my hubby 6 months later nearly killed me. He only lasted 11 months after the diagnosis. 11 months of absolute hell during lockdown, him having chemo which destroyed him mentally and physically. I have so much anger with the hospital and about covid, the hospital totally let him down. I know I need to let go, but cannot seem to.

For both mum & I of us the triggers are always there. And anniversary’s of certain dates are always sad for both of us. But we do get through them.

But I am so fearful of losing my mum that sometimes absolute terror overcomes me. If it wasn’t for my mum I would have ended it. The friends we had together have just discarded me, I am obviously an inconvenience nowadays - and this is friends we have had together for 32 years. His best friend told me before he died that he had asked him to look after me, he lives in the same village as me. This friend owns 4 garages/MOT centres, when my car would not start last year I rang him and his response was are you not in the AA!!! Not seen him in over a year. And I am in the AA now.

I will find my soulmate again - we all will. We have to believe that. I know I will never love anyone again, I am too old now and cannot bear the thought of spending my life with anyone else. And too be honest I am ok on my own. But you are a lot younger than me and have chance in the future to have another life, even though you probably cannot comprehend or think about that at the moment.

I am happy in my own way, just not every day. I think my wedding anniversary it playing on my mind at the moment and unexpectedly coming across some wedding photos last week.

Sorry I seem to gone off on one - not like me at all. Believe me you will have a life, just not the life you wanted or anticipated. And will find enjoyment in life.

Alison xx

[Katyh]

@warriner21

You mum sounds amazing! I am close to my mum aswell. We all go on annual holidays to Disneyland Paris, my Andrew used to hire a van to drive us, there was 9 of us. Such magical memories I will even miss in the winter when it was freezing (we went Christmas time ) and he would get a drip on the end of his nose, I’d be forever saying can’t you feel that

It’s shocking how awful people can be, your husbands mate should be ashamed of himself! In fact he’s just cruel and insensitive!

It’s good that you are have managed to get in a place that you are happy with

We are all different which makes the world mysterious. I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life. I certainly don’t want to meet anyone just yet but I have too much love that I’d like to share. I’ve thought about this and realised that no matter what happens next in my life will not change the love I had for my Andrew. It will be a different kind of love or companionship, it will never take away what we had, it simply couldn’t. Our hears are massive and have plenty of room to love many. I just know he would want me to be happy, he would hate me to be alone forever.

Thank you for your support and you didn’t “go off on one” it’s nice to talk to people who have experienced the same losses xx

[Liro]

Hi @Willow112

Your post made me cry.
Thats exactly how I feel.
I’m not me any more. I was part of him, so without him I don’t know what I am.
So I think that maybe to wake up and find this had all been an awful dream. That would be perfect
Love to everyone on here x

[Deb5]

Aw … in covid how awful for you . But you told him you loved him on the saturday though and he wouldve carried that with him. I was lucky actually ! Those were the last words my husband heard from me as i stroked his hair. It meant so much that he heard that … i wanted him to know that sad times ladies but you know the most important thing is they KNEW we loved them !!! xxx