Yes…there is alot more selfishness around in some families.
Your two friends are definately your ‘inner circle’ of people you can rely on.
I too have get angry about being let down by certain people who I thought I could rely on.
I try now to focus on the people that I can rely on, and do hope that in time you can too.
It is a bitter pill to swallow though, and a lesson learnt when I look back on all the support I gave for some people who did not do the same for me when I needed the same.
Your neighbour is probably worried that what has happened to you, may happen to them, or is worried that she might ‘say the wrong thing’ and is uncomfortable now being around you.
Not a true friend.
So glad you are getting lots of good support from true family and friends…
Michelle 1964…all I can say is those ‘friends’ are not true friends, and their husbands should be so lucky that you are interested in them!
I too lost my husband a year ago.
For the first 6 months I think I was in shock and in a ‘fog’. The last 6 months have got harder and harder.
I think that is when all the emotions started hitting me and the ‘brain freeze’ went away!
I keep thinking he is going to walk back through the door…
It helps to know that you feel the same, although I wish that we were not having to feel this way.
Take care of yourself and hope you are getting the support from family and true friends…x
I totally agree with everything everyone has said. My Husband and I got married in 2019 and had almost 100 people at our wedding. My Husband passed away in 2021 and up until his funeral I got loads of messages, texts and cards from people whom I assumed cared. Since his funeral I can virtually count on one hand true friends who have kept in touch with me. I must admit I think wait until it happens to you. And the other thing I am finding is that people can be really insensitive - one friend has sent me photos of an ex colleagues wedding and two friends have spoken about people having fatal heart attacks - I want to scream that I know exactly what happens. Perhaps I am doing a really good job of covering up my feelings and how miserable I am and how I feel how unfair life is. Having said that I know that so many of us on this forum feel exactly the same way
I am so truly sorry very sorry indeed to hear about your son…
Your words are so true about us making excuses for people, and the ones that are in contact when we need it are the true people in our lives. I am sure alot of people get ‘confined to history’ through their lack of support and contact.
And yes, this site is invaluable in helping us try and help each other…
You are right when you say not to waste time on those who keep their distance, and that one day they will know what it is like. I now have an ‘inner circle’ of those who stood by me. I have no time anymore for those who didn’t . No doubt they will be sending their Round Robin cards at Christmas and wonder why they did not receive one back!
My husband too died almost a year ago, and I too feel as though it is getting worse, and not better.
He died suddenly, and for the first 6 months I think I was in shock and just walked around in a fog.
The last 6 months have just got worse and worse, and like you I feel as though he was just here yesterday and keep expecting him to walk through the door.
That feeling of being ‘lost’ and adrift is so familiar to me too.
Please know that there are so many others who are on this sad journey that we didn’t ask to be on too.
Please take care and keep in touch on this site…
I am so very sorry indeed to hear that your husband passed away last year, especially so soon after you got married.
My husband passed away suddenly in 2021 of a heart attack. The shock stayed with me for 6 months before it turned into grief.
I have also lost count of the insensitive things that people say and do.
‘Have a lovely weekend’
‘Hope you are enjoying your retirement’
‘just having a nice meal with hubbie’
I could go on!
Like you I have covered up my feelings, but it is still no excuse for some of the crass things people say and do.
Maybe it is time to start telling these people how you are really feeling?
I have started to do this because I was tired of ‘putting up a front’ to protect others who then seem to think that you are ‘ok’.
I think only then you will see if they are willing to support you, and be worthy of your friendship.
I also think that most people can only count on one hand who their true friends are.
Thank you for your message - you have summed
everything up so succinctly
I thought that I was doing ok but have found the last couple of weeks really difficult and emotional. I am missing my Husband so much, I am not sleeping very well and can’t stop crying. I am very reluctant to tell most people how I feel and I hide my feelings as much as I can from my Daughters - they have got young children and busy lives and I don’t want them worrying about me.
This is the second time that I have been widowed in ten years - people just don’t realise how lucky they are
I too have been crying more now than ever…
It is the grief coming through, but nevertheless the pain of it all is absolutely awful.
If you dont have anyone to talk to, then there is always this site to express how you are feeling, as so many people understand what you are going through.
I know what you mean about hiding your feelings from your daughters.
I do the same with my family.
I put on a smile because I dont want them to worry …
Please know that you are not completely alone, even though it feels that way.
You can come on to this site day and night and there will always be someone to talk to and who understands.
And yes…life is so unfair…some people seem to glide through it unscathed, whilst others receive more than their fair share of sorrow.
I couldn’t agree more. Our best friend, abandoned Trev when he was ill. They had been friends for over 50 years and he just walked away. Now he is trying to contact me again. Needless to say, we can never be friends again.
I am so sorry about the loss of your Husband and his friends behaviour
I think illness and death scare alot of people and they don’t know what to say or do. But one thing we can be sure of it is going to happen to everyone sooner or later . X
SueMa that is so true…
it is so strange…there is one so called ‘friend’ that I did so much for, but who turned on their heels when things started to go wrong for me, and another who I saw only occasionally who has been a tower of strength.
I now have a close ‘inner sanctum’.
I am also very wary of intense people and false flattery…
I can now spot them a mile off…
I agree. My brother’s neighbours have been wonderful. I thought he was exaggersatng as he liked them so much. One of them who lost her mother and husband young told me that everyone will abandon you after a while
I get upset about the insensitivity. I am on my own so don’t have Christnas anymore but people wish me a Happy/Merry Chrustmas. What do they think I am doing? Since lockdown people boast to me about how many people they are going to have round their table on Christmas day