I lost my husband August last year and I have to say most of my friends haven’t been near since funeral all said at time they would be there for me that’s a joke they must think I’m disappeared cause I haven’t had a phone call or anything. Apart from that is my one true friend who calls me every week and at the moment is making me a teddy bear using jims T-shirt’s only problem is she lives in bristol and I’m in Northamptonshire but I’m seeing her in September when I go down to Devon she is coming for a week as well. I have a friend about 20 miles away who she promised Jim she would look after me and I haven’t seen her for months. I know people have there own lives to lead and don’t would me blubbering all the time but a text now and again would mean so much and she would be keeping her promise to Jim I feel she’s let him down and that makes me sad.
I know exactly what you mean.X
Can totally relate, it’s as if friendship died too, and yes I feel let down by those who said to Richard, don’t worry we will look after Carole, there at the funeral, nothing since, when either of us said these words we meant it, Richard especially, makes me sad
I check my phone every morning, I never get a text, email anything asking how I am. It’s always me reaching out to people,
I told someone yesterday they were the first person I’d spoke to all day and they laughed.
When I say I’ll be there for someone I am , apparently it’s a one way street
I keep getting told “you ring them, don’t wait for them to ring you”.x
Hi Punky fish, know we’re your coming from, I am trying to go out every other day, just to see company, even if it’s only chatting to someone on the bus, take care x
Thank you Caz6 - you take care too
@Punkyfsh I think a lot of us can relate to your comment. It’s sad that those who we were friends with before our tragic events don’t think we are still here and that we need contact/company to get us through the dark days ahead. It’s almost as if they forget we still exist. I’ve always been someone who goes out of my way for friends and often people I know as acquaintances in their hour of need and it hurts that some of them haven’t even bothered to contact me since my husband died 4 months ago. It’s hurtful and does make you realise who actually cares and who doesn’t. Big hugs to you from someone who understands and does care. x
@Heartbroken2022 thank you so much. That’s such a lovely post
I signed up for the text service from Sue Ryder which is so helpful. One text i got said:
Hi, Louise. You may be shocked about how many people have stayed away, or stayed quiet, since Kerry died. Silence from people around you may feel like yet another sadness that you have to process and accept. We’re sorry if you’re having this experience, and encourage you to focus on the people who are staying present. Usually when people stay away it’s because of their own discomfort with death and grief, not because they don’t care about you.
It’s so true. Thank you for caring x
@Punkyfsh Louise, yes, I signed up and appreciate those messages as they tend to come in an order of each individual person’s grieving process and I find them encouraging that what we are feeling/experiencing is normal at different stages.
It’s so hard and most of us are struggling on some way but this group really helps us offload when we need to. Take care. x
But why should you ring THEM? You are the one who has lost the love of your life.!
I can so relate people promising my husband they would look after me hasn’t been hear the house since.
Hi, it’s so sad, I wish they hadn’t said anything to Richard about supporting me, I am trying to build up a life now without Richard, I’ve started the process to volunteer at local hospital, I’ve joined a bereavement group, I know Richard would be very proud of me, bit it’s 14 months since I lost him, and it’s only now I can find some energy to move forwards, there are still very grey days, and there isn’t a moment when I don’t miss him, but he always said “Life is for Living”, he grabbed it with both hands, and he had health problems all his life, I am hoping to make new friends along the way, I except there are still going to be tough times, but I’ve got this far, when my heart was broken, I can do this xx sending everyone a big hug xx
Nothing surprises me any more with people, iv helped a few people out, & after my husbands funeral iv not seen them since. So remember when they need your help, say yr be alright as i was & hang up.
Hugs Pauline, it’s tough
It’s tough thoughts are with you x
Reading back the posts, we all say the same thing.
Here for you, if you need anything, don’t hesitate etc etc - I find it insulting to hubby’s memory & wouldn’t give their self inflated & too self absorbed egos a boost by asking for help. Quick enough before to borrow or ask him to fix something.
Maybe it’s their way of dealing with what they haven’t dealt with yet – but I’m still me. Happy with a cuppa or a text.
One day they will all walk in our shoes.
Nowt as queer as folk.
I feel so let down by so called ‘friends’ that they’ve made my coping with my grief so much harder. Sadly, they probably don’t even realise.
Friends all get busy with their own lives and assume we are coping because a certain length of time has elapsed. All this does is create time between the event and now. It doesn’t mean we feel any better. I also hate when “friends” say you know where I am if you need me. They should be phoning us or is that just me being selfish. Oh and the latest. Fake it till you make it. So we are expected to slap a smile on our face to make others feel better. My life is a mess and I don’t see it getting better any time soon. X