One Year Anniversary - Ideas


I am a few weeks off the one year anniversary. To be honest I don’t know how I have got here. In some ways it feels a lifetime ago but at the same time it feel like yesterday. I still have questions going round my brain, as my husband died suddenly so there were no goodbyes - did I do the CPR properly, why didn’t I go in to the other room earlier than I did, the list goes on.

I am unsure what to do on the anniversary, besides going to the grave. What have others done on the day?


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Hi Viv3
I’m in your club! Coming up to first anniversary on 25th November. After 24 years of marriage. For several days I’ve not looked st the calendar on purpose. It was 7 weeks of hell. I don’t want to remember all the terrible events of those 7 weeks. None of it can bring David back or right the wrongs done to him by the NHS regime.
I haven’t given up on human life but so far just keeping my head above the waves.

Tomorrow I’m visiting the glass tower at Basildon, which is famous. We will be ringing the bells there which will be quite a distraction and change from moping around at the weekend.
I don’t think I want any special event on 25th November but my church will be reading out his name in memorium. I will make a flowery tribute for his grave. Otherwise I may raise a glass to his memory for all the wonderful love he gave me. He was so kind and loving. I owe him a debt for saving me after my first widowhood in 1996
I am trying to give out love and help others rather than wallow in self pity.
I am retired but have certain responsibilities for others in certain spheres, which keeps me grounded.
I’m lucky to have friends who support.
You don’t need to mark this event except you will never forget.
God bless us all.


Hi Tricia

Thanks for replying. Mine was the 29th, I am not looking forward to the day, it brings back some bad memories, I think I have emotionally gone backwards as it approaches, even though I have gone through all the other firsts this year, maybe because it is the final “first”? Hope your day goes okay and I will be thinking of you x

I spent it alone and did not answer the phone. Only way for me to get through the day. In the week/days leading up to the event I could sense the feelings of anxiety increasing and perhaps this period was worse than the day itself. Like you I felt that I was going backwards on this awful journey. Also as we have a new grandson this does not mark the end of my ‘firsts’, I have another Christmas to get through and baby’s first birthday next year.

I hope that you find what is right for you.

I met up with the family at the cemetery, he passed just before Christmas 2019 & loved Christmas so I also took a Christmas themed arrangement for his resting place. Raised a toast of his favourite drink. I have to say the anniversaries, birthdays, special days I have coped with quite well because I expect them to be bad, if that makes sense. It’s the days that side swipe you unexpectedly that are the hardest, when you cry just out of nowhere, when you just can’t face the world.
Take care x


Hi Sheila I am just coming up to a year since my husband of 51yrs passed away. Cannot believe it’s been that long where has that time gone considering I am on my own and lonely a lot of the time
Did it help you after that one year had passed to come to terms with the loss of your husband,x

Dear Cgregory

To be honest I do not think I will ever come to terms with his loss. I am still carrying so much anger as I hated his pass-time and but for that he would still be with us. I did have counselling to try and deal with this part of my grief but it did not really help although I perhaps do not get angry every day now. We have two young baby grandsons and it breaks my heart that my husband is not here to share the joy. He always wanted to be a granda and only had a short time with the eldest. The sudden loss and not being able to say goodbye are also added burdens. I have read other posts from people who are a lot further on who mention that they learn to live around the grief and perhaps I will be able to do that just not at present.

Dear Sheila I understand your grief but you got to do what is right for you.All people react differently just do what’s right for you
It is a shock to our mind and body so be kind to yourself
It’s good to talk and express exactly how you feel
We are going through agony and we all understand
Keep chatting X


My wife passed on the 19th November her passing is coming up so quick my mind cannot cope with the grief l hear people say it will get easier!!! Words are cheap l want her back we would have been married 25 years on may 31st this year what right have people got to celebrate there 100th birthday l look at the old and hate life l read a lot of what is wrote & sympathise with you all but it doesn’t help my grief & cannot wait for death to take me away from this hell we live in. I have everything but it’s worthless without my soul mate


I was widowed after 24 years of marriage. It’s hard I agree
I was relatively young at 40 some thing can’t remember exactly.
After a few months people , friends stopped contacting me but I was in touch with just one person.
Well, reader, I married him. I had 24 more years of happiness. The best years of my life so far.
Now my dearest David has died 25 Nov 20. grieving for him but still full of hope for my future.
Love to all

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The first anniversary for me was the 26th Oct I found a few weeks before I to went backwards I couldn’t stop crying breaking down every where ,I wasnt sure what to do i just hid away I saw my children but couldn’t talk every one so frightened of upsetting each other so the next day I had regrets you dont want it to seem like you’ve forgotten them cos you most definitely haven’t but you also dont want to relive that terrible day it is a difficult one hope your ok sending hugs

My husbands First memory 11th November and dreading it lv annie x x

My biggest thought and fear is that others will forget David. Friends don’t refer to him much now and although I need to move on I still feel i want others to remember him too. I resent being single or worse 'widowed ’ . Maybe it’s a failing of our society that widow seems to have negative associations. I am bravely trying to be positive. I will face 25th November with courage and hope.
Love to all Tricia

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Hi Yvette

Thank you for replying. I am dreading this day, it’s like reliving everything again. I have started going backwards, feeling anxious and scared, just like it was in the first couple of months. The death was sudden and traumatic. I spoke to my daughter and we have decided to visit the church with some flowers, and keep it really quiet. My son isn’t too sure what to do, but it is up to him. I will support him either way, x

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Hope your get through the day okay, thinking of you


That is something I have noticed also, the only people who raise hubby’s name is my kids and me. Not sure why people are forgotten so quickly?

I know how you are feeling, some days I feel exactly the same. It is surreal, I find it difficult to believe it is almost 12 months.
I have had to set myself projects in the house just to keep my mind occupied. It has been hard as I am also working, but it has helped. The jobs I have and am doing I know hubby would like so I am doing it for him too. I haven’t had counselling I have heard therapy seems to be better, have you looked into it?
You look after yourself and keep posting it really does help. x

Hiya was my husband first anniversary nov 11th think of all the good memories we cried we laughed but got me through lv annie x x xx

Hi Annie like you it was my husband first anniversary .
We went for afternoon tea as my hubby loved cakes etc so thought he would have liked that gesture
Can’t believe it’s a year already when every day feels empty and lonely
Keep in touch x

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It’s awful but with my children we plodding forward my john loved cake too hope your okay lv annie x

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