Hi Charlotte, SO sorry to hear about your brother. So recent too. And such a shock. I would say the shock is still the most prevalent factor - just can’t believe it, even 8 months on. I am around the same age as you - it does feel young to deal with when peers are not dealing with this?!!! Keep being kind to yourself, good advice. I find solace in wine but I know that is not good. Just trying to ‘get through’ more time I guess. The pain is indescribable. Again, I am so sorry for your loss, and your mother too. Keep in touch please, lots of love
None of my friends are even vaguely in the same situation so that does make me feel like a bit of an alien ! That’s why I turned to this website really … I helps to know there are others out there who understand. Do you find your grief isolating ? I do 
I have a fab family and three crazy kids that keep me on my toes but it is very very hard to keep my marbles together ! I’m dreading New Year’s Eve !!! I’m always here if you want to talk … I do think sibling grief is very overlooked … I guess maybe it’s not as common
… thank god !
Yes I have found nobody has a clue. I have this thing where I feel the need to tell random strangers in the hope that one day somebody might say ‘me too!’. But I think that makes me feel more isolated! Same as you, great hubby, 3 kids and life is busy. I have been so disappointed in some friends and largely other members of the family who have shown no caring so have cut a lot of people out of my life. It’s just overwhelmingly sad and nobody understands unless in that situation. Yours is so early too, you are very likely to be massively in shock still I guess? I think they say ‘makes you stronger’ and ultimately I guess strength will arise, but think that’s years off! But yes in answer to your question, I think it is terribly isolating.
I totally get it … I have definitely shrunk my group of friends down. People just don’t know how to react and look at me like an alien! I now have a few close friends. Mostly they have suffered grief of some sort so they understand - I find that helps. I’m off away to Devon for NYE … frankly I’m dreading it but will try. It’s like being caught up in a hamster wheel … I keep going but all I actually want to do is sleep!!! I hope with time it will get easier for us all xxx
It’s strange how people who have lost understand each others pain even when they have not met. It’s just restored my faith in mankind knowing there are others out there. I can honestly say I have never felt so alone … people don’t know what to say and others suggest counselling I’m not sure counselling for me though …I don’t want to go over and over the fact that they are gone. What I want us to find a way forward and a way to be happy and live alongside what has happened… does that make sense?
I’m sorry to hear about your loss. I too am an only sibling. My brother died almost 3 months ago at 30. I’m 28.
I’ve never felt so alone before even though I have parents. It just doesn’t make sense his death was sudden so we never got to say goodbye.
Sheila thank you for sharing your story though long, I was half afraid to read that ‘it will get easier’. I can’t imagine there will be a point in my life when I wont miss him.
I wish I had nephews or nieces to tell them about him. I hope to have children one day and tell them about him but I am even afraid to think to far in the future to kiss him even more. Missing him for today alone is hard enough.
I’m so sad to read of the pain you all experience.
I am an only child: I have never, ever known sibling love and affection. My dear wife, on the other hand, was the youngest of eight, six brothers and a sister, and saw them all go.
Hi Kim
I always get upset when I read the posts here as it brings many emotions to the surface but also good to share the loads we are carrying. I lost my only sibling my brother 3 years Christmas and no it doesn’t get easier for me, I have watched my new life emerge since he left and don’t recognise myself at times I am still so wrapped up in grief. I allowed myself to smile when I thought of him recently usually it’s pain and I can’t bring myself to look at photographs. So difficult when we had no chance to try and prepare or tell them how much we love them. Later on you may find some peace talking about them it’s a way to keep thear memory alive. Take care of yourself through this difficult time xxxx
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you replied to my message months ago and I have just re-read it and now can so relate to what you have written. The more you loved the more you grieve. I have cried lakes - I find that so comforting what you said. I hope you are okay X
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My brother was 38 when he died in November 2017. I found the idea absurd in some way - 38 is no age to die. Having said that my sister was 27 when she died (May 2003) and that seemed even crazier.
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Hi
I can only imagine the pain of those 2 losses, thanks for sharing as it gives hope on surviving this grief journey
Xx
I’m so very saddened and sorry for your loss.
My younger brother died 26/11/17. He was diagnosed with Hodgkins lymphoma in October that year so his fight with cancer was short. After all this time I cry every day and miss him so very much. We were very close. After many years in the UK, he moved to South Africa 5 years prior. I unfortunately wasn’t able to travel there much during the 5 years but we spoke often. Not being able to be there while he went through chemo is something I feel terribly guilty about and probably always will do.
He had my older brother, mum, his wife and 21 year old son and 3 year old daughter with him so thankfully he wasn’t alone.
The week he died is still so vivid in my memory. I remember so much about it. I spoke with him on the Monday and he seemed well and happy. On Tuesday I went into central London to renew my passport so I could travel to see him. Unbeknownst to me, he had some stomach pain so went to see his doctor who scheduled an x-ray to see what was causing the pain. My family chose not to tell me as they didn’t want me to worry and even the doctor didnt suspect anything sinister. By Thursday he was in theatre to have an opportunity on his stomachs which we were told would be straight forward. Then the worst happened. His vitals dropped whilst under so they had to cut the operation short. Tragically he got sepsis and was heavily sedated. This was Thursday. By Saturday morning I flew to Lisbon to renew my passport as they could not do it in London. I then flew back to the UK and caught a flight Saturday night to SA. I arrived Sunday and was able to see him that afternoon for an hour. Incredibly he was still alive when I was with him. Doctors said they did not expect him to make it through Friday but my family kept telling him I was coming. He held on. My brother wad always the toughest out of us 3 boys. He fought for 4 days. A short while after we had left the hospital they called to give us the news that he past on.
My whole world fell apart. We all had hoped he could keep fighting but alas, this was his last good fight.
…
Even after all this time, I have nightmares most nights, seeing him in that hospital bed, his eyes open but unable to move or talk. When I was with him a tear ran down from his left eye. I was told that was the first time he had done anything since being put under sedation. The doctors said he was aware of everyone and it breaks my heart every time I think of and picture that tear.
Every morning I wake to the realisation that I won’t be able to speak to him today or hear his voice or give him a hug. My brain just will not accept that he’s no longer here.
It’s like I’m stuck in a grounding day.
I will never get over it, to be honest I don’t want to. You will hear people say a lot, where there is great grief, there is great love and it’s so very true. I have his picture on my lock screen so every time I unlock my phone I see his beautiful face. His pictures are around the house. My wife and my children help keep his memory alive by talking about him every day. This is so important in this journey through life.
Just know that you’re not alone although there is limited resource around for sibling grief.
I have had counselling with Cruze and it has helped though I know I will never stop grieving the loss of my brother. It somehow helps to share our experiences with each other cause unfortunately, those who’ve not experienced this type of grief just will never really understand it.
I’m sorry to have gone on so long but this is my first post as I’m new here and hopefully my story will give you some comfort. Written with Love.ps, it’s ok to be weak, it’s ok to cry and be sad. We will go on and we will honour their memories. Thank you for sharing your story. Every blessing Rob
To everyone here on this thread-I relate to what is said, and my heart cries with you. I contributed before, but want to add that I am a year on since losing my precious younger Sister, and my life has never been the same. She was the best friend I will ever have. She inspired me, and taught me the true meaning of courage. Like Robbiesamps brother, my Sister had cancer, but was doing quite well for a year. Then she took a sudden turn, and in just one night on 3 May, 2018, she was gone. I watched her die as they were doing CPR, as I held her hand. It was two days before her birthday. I have not had a good night’s sleep since, due to the flashbacks (like you Rob). Sibling loss is often minimized, and that is why we must continue to share and support each other, as we grieve our past & our future with our beloved Brothers & Sisters.
I had a dream the other night that she came back to me. We embraced so tightly, and I could feel her warm skin, and the smell of her beautiful hair. We cried tears of joy and walked hand in hand. For a short time all was right again. How I wanted to remain in that dream. Sister2, Xxxxx
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Hold on to your memories of her, so precious. I wish I could dream of my brother, but all I can do is re-live that week and seeing him the last time.
That’s a beautiful dream to have, wonderful. We are here for each other. As hard as it may seem sometimes, we do go on and we will continue to. Cherish your memories x
Thank you Rob. It did seem like I had her back in that dream, but I lost her all over again when I awoke. Reality can be so harsh, sometimes I would rather walk around in a dream state. I am glad you found this site-hopefully you will find some solace here, as I have. Take care, and keep posting. I am so sorry for your loss. Sister2 Xx
Hi Helen
Sorry to hear about your sister.
I’m in a similar situation in a way my sister passed away on June 15th very unexpectedly following a heart attack. I have a brother also. My sister was 12 years older than me and my brother is 10 years older than me.
I was off work for 2 weeks & have now returned. I’m finding it difficult to keep saying that I’m fine when I’m so far from fine.
I wish someone could tell me how to deal with this and what I should be feeling, I feel so numb and my heart is broken.
Hi - I just came across this site as I was trying to find something about how to live with loss. I lost my younger sister after a 6 month cancer battle. It’s been almost a year but seems like yesterday. I think of her so much, I think about what I wish I would have done … I know I can’t go back but I’m having trouble going forward.
Hello, I’m so sorry to hear about your younger sister. And like my sis, taken so quickly. I’m 2 1/2 years ‘in’ now. I frequently had absolute panics about it all, I think it was me trying to Keep hold of her. I still do now but less frequent. It’s only in the last two months I’ve felt a little calmer, perhaps slightly less in shock. It is absolutely awful to live with. Often too much. I totally get where you’re at. I expect you’re still processing it all. I haven’t now and to be honest I’m unsure I ever will. It’s just too much to deal with. I’m really probably not helping at all, but all I can say is you’re not alone, but it is super awful and sad and not fair and tragic and with lack of choice, something you will eventually learn to live with Xxxx please contact me anytime
Helen, thank you for your kindness. It feels like the sadness will never go away. I keep thinking about the last time I talked to her, how I wish I would have talked longer, how I wish I would of said I love you one more time. I know my depression is growing deeper I’m hoping sharing with others can help in some way. Thank you again for sharing.
Hi Sosad1, I am so sorry for your loss. I relate to your pain. I too lost my precious younger sister to the dreaded cancer. My sister, such a brave soul, rallied for a full year before suddenly succumbing in one tragic night. I am two years on in my grief journey, but the loss continues to cast it’s shadow over my life. Having more time at home, due to covid lockdown, intensified my grief and found me tormenting myself with the “whys,” and “what ifs.” Losing a sibling is losing a part of ourselves, we can never replace. I still question how to go on with this hole in my heart. I am here to listen, whenever you need someone who understands. Xxxx 
Another Sad Sister
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