So after the first anniversary of my Sandies passing I finally opened her wardrobe to try and sort some of her stuff. Managed to get rid of some old medicines and cosmetics…but also found some totally emotionally draining stuff. Had to stop… wardrobe closed again. This is going to take some time. Traumatic to be honest
My husband died 3 years and 2 months tomorrow and I have still not got rid of most of his clothes and property. My sons and other relatives have what they want but I haven’t been able to give other stuff away, I am hoping to do it this year but I am hoping my sons will take over. It’s so hard.
@UnityMan Same as me, still have the wardrobe, and all her belongings and work to sort. I’m not desperate to do it but it’s always still there in the background. I guess, being honest, I’m putting it off as I know it will open wounds. Something I’ve set to do this year, no schedule, but it has to be done. Thanks for the post, it’s brought it to the fore, given me a bit of resolve.
…to be honest I didn’t get very far …amongst other things it was the brand new unworn trainers that set me off…
@UnityMan Aye but you’ve taken that step into the real, the known. I worry about her wedding outfit, but I know it will be the unexpected that floors me, something like new trainers, always is
Yeh i totally get where you coming from … i cant move his stuff either ;( i just cant … it makes it even more final doesnt it xx
Five months after losing my partner (November 2018) I also lost the beautiful home we’d shared for 18 years. (There was absolutely no way in the world I could have stayed there - buying it, even renting it were totally out of the question). I had to move very quickly (long and painful story) but tried to salvage as much as I possibly could. I’ve had to downsize fairly dramatically but I still have some of her clothes and other belongings, and furniture from our home still in storage.
I do understand that some people regard this as unhealthy, but when my mum died all the way back in 2001 I felt that my dad - an unsentimental man at the best of times; we didn’t have much of a relationship - got rid of her clothes and other things far too quickly, as though he couldn’t wait to be rid of them. Perhaps this was his way of dealing with grief but it’s not mine and I know that I’m not likely to be getting rid of anything associated with my beloved partner any time soon - perhaps not ever.
So sorry for your loss and I know my experience is not the same, but I am struggling like this about my Nan, who died New Years Eve and I stayed by her side until the end with my eldest daughter. She brought me up from a baby after my mum tragically passed and I had an extremely close bond with her and my grandfather, who passed 3 years ago. I am still driving around with her duffle bag of clothes from the home, where she was briefly after caring for her. I cannot bear to bring her belongings inside and go through them and I tried with her wardrobe upstairs, but ended up in tears and putting them neatly back. I have a husband and 2 daughters, but they were my life as well and it’s always been my worst fear to lose my grandparents from when I was little. Everything sets me off. People say you have your memories, but they make me cry and long for those times we were together and I haven’t gone back to work yet for fear of breaking down in front of customers, but I feel everyone will be judging and saying I need to have started moving on .
Over the course of the two years since my gorgeous Christine died I have gradually been clearing out. At various times, I have asked Christine’s sisters to come round and clear maybe some drawers or a wardrobe of her clothing and personal items. For me, doing a little at a time seems to work as it gives me plenty of time to readjust so to speak and calm down.
Currently, I am clearing the attic. This has been precipitated by my wish to see if a can sell the house. I knew there was lots of stuff up there but I had no idea just how much there really was. So far I have been at it for about a week, doing a couple of hours of clearing and sorting every other day. I came across a whole load of things from Christine’s childhood. That really upset me. It was just ghastly having to sort through such things. Made me so so sad. Mercifully, I don’t think that there will be any more awful surprises. Well, I bloody well hope not.
Best wishes in any clearing you choose to do. I suspect that you will find your own way that sort of makes it as manageable as possible.
@LittleJoe1 Take your time, there’s no rush, forget about everyone else and do things as the time feels right. There’s really no normal in any of this, it takes time
How awful you had to leave the home you shared as well. At a time when we all need every bit of sympathy and strength, there are still obstacles thrown at us, but that must’ve been so very hard!
So true, nothing feels normal anymore, except for the first few seconds of waking, then it hits
Hi , it’s over two years since my husband died . I still have his wardrobe full of clothes , I often bury my head in his clothes, just wanting to feel and smell him still with me . I also have boxes of his work paperwork , only numbers wrote on them , but it’s his writing , and the radiation mask , I actually hate it , but can’t get rid of it , it’s his face , He was so happy when he had finished all his treatment , and brought it home to show me . Thinking that was all over with and he was going to be free from cancer. I know one day I will clear his things out , but don’t know when . To me it still feels too soon . Xtake carex
…I sleep with Sandies dressing gown on the bed and hold the sleeve
@UnityMan that is so loving and sweet. I’m sure it gives you some comfort, my prize position now , is a tooth my husband had to get removed just before his treatment started. I didn’t even know he had kept it , I found it in his sock draw . It’s now in a small box with white feathers that I have found . I feel like it is the only piece of him I still have . But I know he would absolutely think I was crazy and had lost the plot if he knew . We do what we can to help us get through this life without them . Xtake carex
Thats ok thats sweet. We bought my husband a special pillow which is still in our bed and when i feel sad i lean on it as if its still him here - i find it.really comforting x
The things we do when our loved ones depart . I am not going to sort through his clothes (4mths) for some time . I will always keep his coat and shoes in the hallway . His special neck pillow on the bed and the duvet he used up to his death . It’s a single I lie underneath it but on top of the double.
I need to have his presence x
Yeh you do … i know exactly what you mean you do whatever comforts you - we and we are alone are on this journey so we can do it how we want … xx
Truer word never spoken. When you’ve lost a loved one, whatever the relationship, do whatever comforts you (to no matter how small an extent) and never mind what others say, think or do. Your loss and grief are your own, which on the one hand makes it an agonisingly lonely business but at the same time means that you can (when allowed - I’ve only been here a couple of days and have heard a few horror stories) do it your own way.
Lost my Paul 24th July 2022
I go to bed with his Rab coat and cuddle it
I wear his dressing gown
I have all of Paul’s clothes everything
I sometimes walk in the wardrobe and snuggle into his shirts and yes the smell and stand amongest them cuddling them
I so miss him
I’m not pressuring myself to sort anything
Will I ever
Life’s just shit
lol to you all