When I lost my first husband 20 years ago I promised his dead body that I would always do my best to care for our children and his mother. Sadly she died 12 years ago, but I did my best. I remarried 5 years after he died and my second husband was happy to welcome my mother in law for Sunday lunch and drive her home afterwards, she was part of our life together. Continuing to care for my adult children was still my priority. My daughter has learning difficulties and my second husband loved her dearly, he couldnât have been a better father to her, even though biologically he was not. So, my superpower was being a mum. His superpower was creating order out of chaos. And life with me and my daughter is chaotic. She has challenging behaviour and creates chaos every day. But nothing fazed him. The house, which we chose together was our dream house, and it ran like clockwork. The garden is beautiful, it was a building site to begin with. I look around and see everything we chose so carefully, every plant in the garden has memories. He died 14 weeks ago.
Now I have this insane and unachievable need to maintain the same standards. He was a Civil Engineer, then an IT lecturer at a college. I was ungraded in CSE maths! Computers are a mystery to me. I undo screws with a nail file. Whilst talking to the bank today they sent a text with a âone time pass codeâ. I didnât know how to look at a text whilst talking to them on the phone. âSwipe upâ he said. I swiped, nothing happened. I am such a numpty.
I held up the collapsed wisteria with a mop handle hammered into the soil. I stopped the filing cabinet drawers from jamming with a feather duster rammed into the side. I covered up the scuffs on the new wallpaper with tippex. It isnât what he would have done, but needs must.
Another useful hack, should anyone else be as daft as me, is that if you scuff wheel hubs on a kerb, black nail varnish is very good if applied carefully. It has withstood rain and car washing very well.
My two husbands must be shaking their heads in disbelief.
Xx
Hi @Willow112
It made me smile you calling yourself a numpty !
We all have our own skills and as a couple we tend to do the chores we are probably best at/ prefer/ donât hate etc
Now we have to do everything - and that is a lot when your used to support, you have kids that need you and you are grieving.
But you keep trying and learning which is amazing, and I donât see anything wrong in using a nail file as a screwdriver.
I think it is being industrious and you should be proud of yourself.
Rest well tonight. Xx
You sound pretty amazing to me, far from being a numpty!!! Good luck on discovering all those hacks! I will be watching out for any more. Youâre going brilliantly! Keep moving forwards, one small step at a time. Love to you and your daughter xx
Youâre doing great! (says the woman who panicked about mould round the bath when a friend was coming, and covered it up with Tippex!).
Tippex is great. But after trying all sorts to get rid of mould and mildew, I found that Dettol Mould and Mildew Remover is brilliant. It cleaned grout, mastic around shower doors and the washing machine seal. Be careful, it contains active bleach, but it works. Most supermarkets sell it.
I hope itâs ok to mention brand names on here. I think we got away with Tippex, though. 
Yes, Iâve got some mould remover, but this was desperate spur-of-the-moment stuff. How John would have scoffed at that!
Yes I used tippex or whatever I can lay my hands on.
I tried toothpaste with a toothbrush as well.
I love tippex. Itâs no good for cleaning teeth, though.
I donât smoke, but there was a cigarette burn on the car mat. I brushed the mat and got some fluff off, rolled it into a ball and glued it over the cigarette burn with some clear nail varnish.
It worked a treat. You canât see the burn now.
Xx
Well thatâs me a wallflower then,not only am I not tall enough,my diy skills are crap as well.
Your texts did make me smile. However, they did make me think the thread should be called Chaos out of Order.
You are incredibly imaginative and resourceful. Thinking outside the box as they say. My husband was my carer but my solutions to problems have been rather mundane next to yours.
I really hate to admit that despite the âWillowâ tag. I am 4 ft 10 ins.
My name is Jane and my house was already named Willow Cottage when we moved in.
Itâs just that when I joined here it said not to use your real name.
I should have called myself Hobbit.
We definitely need a DIY section on here 
Willow you can be team leader lol
Iâm very impressed.
You are resourceful.
Thinking of you and all of us that miss our other halves - life will never be the same but a bit of tippex or nail varnish saves the day. You made me smile and thatâs quite something.
Pudding was my husbands name for me and I am afraid it fits. A definite pudding. My real name is Sandra. Worked in IT starting as a programmer then finally as a project manager and consultant so i havenât had to face the trials many of you have faced and overcome.
Iâm sure being a project manager doesnât make you immune to grief though.
It doesnât. Or the widows brain fog. It does help you organise the sadmin and find solutions.
Errrrmm can I respectfully sit this one out.
I didnât mean to send that quickly.
Merely meant to say grief and loss is grief and loss, no matter your employment, your status or your circumstances.
We all have to deal with the administrative side of things and do so
Sorry my response sounded a bit curt. I didnât think your comment was anything other than thoughtful.