Just having another cry as i relive my Richard as the medics had him on the floor ( he was already gone ) and were on the floor surrounding him with all their " bringing the heart back to life equipment ) when at one point i thought they were saying he was coming back, i was seated by the ambulance- first - aider man plus a policeman on a chair in the kitchen but i could see them all doing their work on the floor and i rushed in with that glimmer of hope that they were bringing him back and i stood there and shouted, called out to Richard over and over again, " please come back, please come back to me…" to no avail, he was gone, he had gone, they kept on doing what they could until one by one they got up and gathered there equipment, took out the needles, took out his throat tube…my reality had set in, they done their very best but alas they could not bring him back…wiped 20 years of our life out in sight, not in memory…
The reason for this posting is it came to me that Richards body was standing over his lifeless body and was watching me, had heard me shouting " Richard come back, please Richard come back to me " over and over again, until the medics asked, no told the policeman to take me out of the room…I hope and pray my Richard was standing there watching what the medics were doing, how committed and frantically trying, no doing there utmost est in bringing him back, sadly this was not to be but thy never gave up, well in the end they had to of course…This is now giving me some form of comfort knowing, no, hoping that Richard was standing, watching, hearing my voice calling out to him, that i wasn’t him back, now he will know how much he means - meant to me, that i did, do love him and want him…I do have my beliefs of when we pass, although my Richard had none, and i will focus on my beliefs that he saw me, he heard me on that fateful morning 11th April calling him back to me…
I do believe in the afterlife…I know the day i was taken by the lovely funeral director to the crematoriums chapel of rest to say my final goodbye as he laid in his coffin that he was not in his body, ii already knew that, nor did his face look like the Richard i knew, i remembered, in fact i was shocked and said as i was going towards him…" what have they done to you…" the funeral director was playing this down by saying he " looked at peace…" well no he did not, and he heard me saying so…but the morning-mid day he passed away he did look at peace, and this is the look I will focus on forever that no matter what Richards beliefs were, which was non, he saw something, and whatever it was must have been calming and pleasing to him…at least this is what i hope had happened as he fought for his st breath…he went in peace…
My dear Jackie, I am crying along with you. For all of us the loss of our loved ones is traumatic but we all have our reminders of those last moments. Yours was a sudden and terrible shock, I can’t imagine what you was going through as the medics tried to bring Richard back to you. Mine was watching Brian slowly and painfully leave me over time. When Brian breathed his last, I noticed the peace that came on his face and felt nothing but relief that his pain was over, then reality kicked in and I realised he was gone. I put my head down against him and lifted his arm and put it around my shoulders and rubbed his hand over my head. I changed and washed him, rubbing oils on his body. I had an hour before a nice man came and certified he was dead. No police, no medics just peace and me and Brian for a while. A friend who believes in the afterlife told me that he was probably sat in his armchair in the dining room (where he was at the time) watching me, I like to think that was the case. My final moments with Brian was so different to yours. No people there but me. The undertaker allowed him to stay with me throughout that day. He looked so at peace as if he was just sleeping. When they took him away I knew that he wasn’t in that body and I never saw him again before the funeral, I didn’t want to. He was so ill and selfishly I wanted to remember him as the strong fit man he had been before this dreadful illness took him. I also knew that he wasn’t in the coffin at the funeral. I could feel no connection. I hope that my Brian was looking down on me and I hope he knew how much I loved him and wanted only to do my best for him. So my feelings at the end was just like yours.
Take care Pat xxx
Pat…
…i know, i do belive once we have gone we leave our bodies but i am not sure how soon this takes place but i would like to belive our men had already left their bodies and were standing near to us as we gave them a farewell kiss as the medics asked me, and gave me a few seconds where i kissed my Richard on his forehead baring in mind my MS body would not allow me to get down to him on the floor…I also gave another kiss on the forehead at the chapel of the rest but, i knew then he was not in his body, it was now just a shell…In hindsight i wished i never had gone as, this was not the Richard I had last seen who looked in peace…
I went to see mum in the chapel of rest. Her last image of when she died was not peaceful and I ran from the room after I had hugged her and kissed her. So I went to the chapel of rest for a proper goodbye. As soon as I stepped in and saw her I knew it was a big mistake. I quickly looked at her face and nearly fainted then looked away. So I stood at the tip of the coffin with my hands on her forehead kissed her forehead put letters and photos and my bracelet tucked beside her. Whispered my goodbyes and left. But that was not my mum.
Jules…
…I truly hope and pray your mother my partner were out of their bodies and standing close to the pair of us and hearing everything we said to them…Yes this was OT my Richard nor the way i wish to remember him as i felt angry as to what these post mortem - autopsy people had done to his face…it was only his face i could see and his face wasn’t at peace even with his eyes shut as the morning i found him his eyes and mouth were open and he did look at peace…
I truly believe that your dear Richard could see the scene before him. I have no doubt that he saw you and heard you. I’ve no doubt at all. I have the opportunity to see my mother at the Chapel of rest, but it is now many weeks since she has passed. Peoples comments have helped me decide not to physically see Mum but to just visit the closed coffin instead.
Hi, I have no regrets at not going to see Brian in the coffin. When his mother died we went to see her and say goodbye but I so remember Brian saying. “This isn’t my mother, she looks nothing like that”. He always regretted going to see her. I have never gone to see any of my family after death.
The only thing I did feel and was then tempted to see him for the last time was when I went to the undertakers with the Death Certificate and then photographs. I stood in the entrance hall and had a weird feeling that Brian was there somewhere with me. I wanted to call out to him and honestly expected him to answer me. He was in that place and I wasn’t going to him but I felt he was reaching out to me instead.
Daffy I think your wise just going to the closed coffin. Mum is with you.
My dad found the chapel of rest comforting he sat with mum for an hour. How he did that I’ll never know. The room was filled with a scented diffuser spray a sickly smell that I still smell even now. Her face was not my mums. She would have really told me off for going. I put my hands on her head and never felt such coldness. I knew she would be, but this was beyond imagination. The silly thing is. I went to the chapel of rest honestly believing she actually wouldn’t be there and they had got it wrong. Or I thought if I call her name enough she will wake up. As if I called her within the house. “Mum” and she would shout “yes”. The visit to a chapel of rest is a personal decision. My friends warned me against it. But it’s done now.
I felt no real attachment to the coffin when she arrived in the hearse. I cried and put my hands on the windows, and laid my hands on the coffin after my Eulogy and kissed it. But I knew she wasn’t there.
I remember when i lost my father, he was 65, this was 31 years ago when i was 37…My father died of the c***er word, i remeber too how the shape of his face had changed due to his illness, not in a good way, i was shocked so on going to see him in in the chapel of rest they had obvioulsy done something to his face as it did look like my father as i remebered it so i guess i was expecting Richard to look like Richard, well it never, i was shocked and angry at what the autopsy had done to him…yes i too had wished i had not gone as this is the last face i shall forever have on my mind eve though i am pushing this to the side and i will focus on the time i found him sitting in his armchair when he did look at peace…I am sure he saw something or someone come to him, r come for him…As for the chpel of the rest, i was assuming Richard would be looking like my Richard but he was not, he his eyes were closed but he did not look happy…did i just say happy, how can anyone who is lifeless look happy…no he did not look at peace…
my beloved father passed away many years ago. The fleeting glance that was forced upon me of his body in the casket rocked me to my core. I refused the custom of kissing him goodbye because that was not my father…
I see & feel that image now, as if through a filter - no searing pain, just a soft sadness and a knowing of the love between us. Your story moves me with its simplicity , so full of tenderness & love . May you find peace
I lost my wife in June since then I have visited a medium who said she was well and happy her grandfather collected her she told me many things that only I would know so I do believe there is something after passing it helps a little I know but will never replace my wife
I too believe there is something after passing. I never gave it much thought before but since losing Brian he has visited me many times and always when I have been concerned about something. He has given me the answer and even showed me where things are, and sure enough there they are. When it was my birthday he came and put his arms around me and told me he loved me. This meant so much, he hadn’t forgotten. One day I hope to go to a medium but need to be certain they are genuine. I long to make contact.
xxx
Dear Jackie, it is heart-rending reading your post, from what I understand, a loved one, who has gone before helps the newly deceased in his/her transition into the next life. In Stan’s case, it was his mother, when my brother passed away, it was our dad. I sincerely believe that we will meet our loved ones again, I am a very down to earth person and I have no fanciful ideas at all. It does keep us going knowing that one day we shall meet again.
Mary…
…My Richard was not a believer in many things, including the afterlife, he was a person who had to experience - or to see something himself…yet i do believe judging by the expression that i saw on Richards face the day i found him dead in his armchair that he did have someone come for him, he did look at peace…I truly do believe he saw someone…It also gives me some form of peace to know someone came for him when i could not be there myself as i didn’t know he was dying and fighting to take his last breath…this is something that will forever torment me, that he was always there for me but the one time he needed me to be there for him, i wasn’t…how was i to have known…i should have been there…
Jackie…
Dear Jackie, thank you for your reply, as I have already said, I do believe in the after life, I do wish that you would not torment yourself. I feel so sorry that you are going through this, you are not to blame when you didn’t know. Richard will realise this, I am sure, he is with you everywhere you go, and with you in everything you do. When we love as we have been lucky to love and be loved in return, that love does not just disappear, we may not see it, but then, we cannot see the wind but we know it is there. I feel my Stan’s presence with me, as I feel my brother’s and my best friend’s, Stan’s mostly.
Take care, dear Jackie,
Love and Blessings,
MaryL
Mary…
…thank you for your optimistic words, your words are what i am needing and desperately wanting to hear…I have been begging for a sign so i can be more at peace with myself but so far nothing out of the ordinary has come to me, and i am not talking of the odd butterfly but a one off like the signs i received from two of my-our three fur-babies, now they were a sign never to be repeated again, and they were real not my imagination, i know what i saw, what i was experiencing…
I wont rest or be in peace until i know my Richard knows that i didn’t mean half the hurtful things i had said to him, that i do-did love him, i will tell him this over and over again, until i know that he knows…
Dear Jackie,
Your Richard will know that whatever you said to him did not come from your heart. My 2 friends (brothers who are Spiritulists) have said to me many times “always expect the unexpected”, it sounds contradictory but it is true. I am so sorry that you are suffering in this way, I feel that grief is the most exhausting of emotions. I have a number of health problems and I know that you have a major one, it makes all of us so tired and feeling hopeless. As I have said before, our loved ones are with us and watching over us, it may not feel like it at times. Our son went to a medium shortly after my Stan passed away and he did hear from his dad, Stan thanked all of us for giving him such a wonderful funeral. All of us are very fond of jazz, Stan used to say that when he passed away, he wanted a jazz band to play, a jazz band he got, our daughter made sure of that. When he came through he thanked all of us for providing the jazz, wonderful.
I still cry buckets of tears and our two do too, our grandson cannot come to terms with losing his granddad, he cannot bear to mention him. Grief is the price we pay for love, dear Jackie.
All shall be well,
Love and Blessings.
Mary.
Mary…
… i heard my late father speaking when i read from your post " expect the unexpected…" this was something i grew up hearing him say on many occasions…I too now use many of the positive idioms he once used, i think i have become my father, well i certainly have taken after him which can only be a good thing…
…sending a (( hug )) to you and hoping your recent ordeal in that white building they call a hospital is now just a fading memory of your recent time spent inside of it…