These messages really help when you can see that what we experience is not unusual, keep strong x
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Hi @PandoraG I dont think people realise the depth to our grief. Losing your life partner for me was not the same as losing a grandparent
I am 9 weeks in and its as raw now as it was then.
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Yes losing anyone is hard too.
Everyone feels the pain if losing someone dear to them.
But losing a partner spouse is expecially hard when it is just the two of you and then you are just one and you have no one else to help you get through the days nights. Im sure you know what i mean.
Life is tough now and learning to cope without someone is challenging.
Take care x
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Well it is a week gone since my last post on this thread. Recovered from my tummy bug and Friday was my birthday. My daughters and granddaughter took me out for lunch and then yesterday I set off for a week’s holiday with my daughter and SIL. A hard first of many firsts since I lost my soulmate 11 weeks ago. I’m so grateful for the support of my family but I agree with what others have said no loss compares to that of a spouse or partner. I lost both my parents when I was in my late 30’s and much as I loved them and grieved their passing I didn’t suffer the pain and loneliness that losing Chris has caused. I am trying to move forward but the pain is never far away and neither are the tears
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All I can say to you all is hang on in there … I am almost 17 months in now … my husband was fit and healthy and went for a bike ride, had a cardiac arrest and they turned his machines off 5 days later … the shock at first is tremendous … and for me the grief didn’t really hit straight away … it took a couple of months for me to actually accept he wasn’t coming home soon … and it was awful when it did hit. … I still have sad times and as far as I am concerned am still married and always will be. …but … I cant’ say it gets better, but it does get easier, I promise. I still miss him everyday, but have learnt to adapt to a new way of living …not one I wanted, but it is what I have got.
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What a shock for you, similarly my husband died about a week from being admitted into hospital previously not showing signs of how sick he actually was. I dont know if it’s the suddenness of loosing your partner that makes it impossible to get over. It’s slightly comforting to hear that you think it gets a bit easier over time, i really hope so, I’ve had a really sad day today. But it’s a weekend and somehow feels worse that a week day.
Reading other people’s experiences really helps. Keep strong x
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H @Kathy6 @Audrey54
I also have had a bad day today always worst at weekends. The weekends seem so long and everyone is out with families.
But when you dont have family close it is even harder. I went for a walk which helps for a while to ckear my head but as soo as back home the emptiness and silence hits me. I have turned on tv and England playing Fiji in rugby which my husband would have watched he was born in Fiji 1960. He wants his ashes scattered there and we only visited in Feb this year and he was gone in May this year so brings back memories of a happy time and a sad time for his loss. Trying to stop crying it is so hard today but it is good to hear from someone who’s further down this journey that we learn to somehow manage better.
Take care X
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I had a good cry when a neighbour asked how I was, I then went for a walk but don’t get the same joy I used to when we went as a couple. We have to carry on living dont we but it’s not our chosen path now, one we have been left with.
Sorry that’s very a miserable post, maybe next week will be a bit brighter, keep going x
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Hi @Kathy6
You too hope next week is better.
We just gave to keep going nothing else for it.
It is very hard to carry on without them but now we find we must somehow do it.
I dont like walks on my own visits to garden centre shops all make me aware how alone we are everyone seems to be in couple’s.
Some days if i dont talk or see anyone it hurts but i guess i will have to learn to get used to my own company.
Take care if yourself x
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Exactly, take care of yourself too x
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I feel.the same
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HI @PandoraG @Kathy6
Im sorry we all feel this way.
If only there was someway to take away the pain we all are experiencing.
Being together for a long time makes the loss harder. People expect us to move on and live life however it is not that easy i dont think it ever will be. We will live with it because we have too but a future without them is not what we wanted.
My brain just cant take i everything and it confuses me trying to make sense of a anything. Learning how to DIY is hard as he did everything in house and garden so i am trying but failing badly but i guess i have a lot of time to learn
It really is tough for us in the next part of this journey.
x
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So very true we have no choice x
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Ive googled how to use a table saw so i could chop the firewood for the logburner. Bought battery operated garden tools despite having top of the range equipment in the garage. I feel useless. I had no idea the effort in keeping garden under control. Im finding it therapeutic but worry about doing car stuff and clearing gutters. People say get someone in but moneys tight his pension went with him and the 100 a month i get instead from DWP is a joke. Worked from 15 and only got his pension for 2 years. Luckily im still working but i think he did so much i took for granted.
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Hi @Andrea9
Like yourself my husband had taken early retirement so just a small pension from workplace and£100 from DWP but i have just reached state pension this month so hopefully that helps me.
I will get someone to help with some of the large jobs in the garden but tackle other things myself via help from u tube and Google.
I wish i could enjoy the garden but not very good he loved it called it his little oasis escape from the stresses of work. He grew vegtables and fruit but my heart is not in it hopefully over time i will enjoy the garden he created for us to enjoy.
Take care and hope next week is better x
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Mine was the same , he loved being outdoors. I loved sitting in it but not the work. I’m determined not to let him down. I like to think hes watching me and is pleased . It dpes help me switch off. This is a tough journey to be on.
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Hi @Andrea9
Thanks here’s to looking after gardens
I stay in Scotland and thuscweekend has been cold bit frosty.
Wishing you a good week ahead.
X
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The temperatures dropping here too whch is a blessing no more lawn mowing in a few weeks
Although i suspect I will probably miss it !
Lets hope each coming day brings us a little more strength to walk this path we have been put on.
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Let’s hope for some bright autumn days so we can get outside for a while I feel it helps x
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I am in the same boat he liked to cook do he did the cooking and he worked at home so he did most of the housework
Feel lost without him
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