Pain of grieving

Lost my husband in January 2021 to Covid, we are both only 55. Why is life so unfair, we should have had many more years together. Retirement wasn’t too far away when we could spend every minute together. His last text to me was telling me he was going to be ventilated but as it was late at night, he didn’t want to disturb me and asked doctor to ring me the following morning. He never woke up again. His funeral was only last week. I can’t stop crying, I can’t cope with the grief. Is it normal? My husband was my soulmate, I can’t envisage life without him


So sorry for your loss
My husband passed December the 5th COVID
On ventilator never came round
His last text to was are you ok Webb’s
That was his nickname for me
So hard I sob all the time
Miss Andy so much unbearable pain xx

I lost my husband too from Covid on 9th January. He was 55 I’m 54. We had been with eachother since we were 17 & 16 and married at 20 & 19 married for 35 yrs.
On arrival to the hospital he was immediately put on a ventilator and shortly after had a cardiac arrest.
Before he was sedated to go on a ventilator he asked about me. He never came out of sedation and 14 days later he died but I was holding him when he went.
I took an overdose two days after his funeral and was found by police after a friend called the police. I was on a ventilator for 24hrs and spent four days in hospital.
I have only been supported throughout by a handful of my family due to silly short lived disagreements, and my good close friends.
I had to repress my true grief until after the funeral as I had to organise the funeral etc alone.
I am totally devastated and feel so alone.

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Me andy meet when I was 14 he was 16 married when I was 18
He was 57 when he passed always fit and heathy
I drink a lot now and a month back drank bottle off gin and took a handful off tablets was taken into hospital over night
Had to see mental health doctor
Pain is unbearable every day isn’t it
Take care x

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Hello Kerry,

I am so sorry to hear your story. The pain must be unbearable, for you to think of taking your own life. Please know we are here for you.

I think you could really do with some support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here:

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area. Please be aware that GPs and support services are not currently offering face-to-face appointments, but will usually be offering telephone or online alternatives.

You deserve care and support so please, Kerry, get in touch with one of these services.

If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.

Take care,
Online Community Team

There are not a lot of people who can stay together for so long and still be happy as I and you ladies were.
I’m so sorry you are suffering as I am.
My husband too fit and healthy he had a tough physical job, a tradesman.
It’s so evil this thing and taking good decent people far too young.

I am a total mess stay in bed most off the day
My doctor as been very good
She calls once a week
Just keep texting this site helps
As we all going thru the same
Take care x

Thank you Audrey.
I’m on antidepressants and sleeping pills when needed.
I feel a burden on the family I do have support from, and my friends.
They have their own lives to live.
Lockdown has made it all the more difficult as I truly feel like I’m in prison at times.

Oh Debbie 55 try and set one little thing to do each day.I bet you have a matching to do list like me.
That’s additional pain ticking your husband off things official etc
My washing machine blocked today so floor flooded in my attempt to unblock it, took an hour to clear up.
I just wanted to scream but I couldn’t and it made me have something I had to do couldn’t just leave til tomorrow.
Then tonight I drew the curtains on french doors and whole thing ripped off the wall.
Again wanted to scream but couldn’t.

Thank you I will continue to text.
As I know as a fact no-one else can know unless they are going through this due to Covid.

You take care too xx

Thank you for replying Kerry. I am concerned for you, but hopefully you will get some comfort from our members, who are already replying to you.

Please take note of the links I posted for you, they may just be of help.

We are all here, stay strong,
Online Community Team

I will thank you.

I don’t do much on the sick at the min
Can’t face work
All I do is walk to the cemetery everyday
To see Andy I cry and scream at him
Ask him all the time to fetch me
Take care x

Dear Kerry

I so dreadfully sorry for your loss. I do understand your grief and feeling of loneliness. I lost my husband in September - road traffic accident. We met when he was 17 and me 18. On 13 March we would have been married 39 years. Ian had retired in April 2019 - my retirement planned for Christmas 2020. I have now left work only now without any chance of the plans we had made being fulfilled.

Grief affects us all in different ways. I have cried, screamed and shouted. There is not a day goes by that I do not experience at least one of these episodes. As you read other posts you will see that others share these same experiences. This forum also allows you to vent and say things you perhaps might not say to friends and family - I have found it helpful.

We are going through grief without or limited support of friends and family and it has made this so much harder. It does help to share your thoughts on this forum - you can say things that you may be unable or unwilling to say to friends or family.

Somewhere on this site people have started to network in order to meet up when the easing of lockdown permits - quite a few appear to be from London/South East. I live in the North East and have only a handful of close friends who are there when I need support and someone to listen,

I note the household emergencies you are having to deal with which only serve to act as another reminder that our loved ones are not here to step in and sort out the mess. For me the garage and house roofs have both failed, the boiler broke down (on Xmas morning) followed by the car - challenges I am trying to step-up to and sometimes winning and sometimes failing.

All I can do is take one day at a time. Please take care.

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Debbie 55
I’m so sad for you as we just can’t make it go away or better can we
Do you have any children ?
I am so ashamed that mine have not stepped up to look after me.

Sheila 26
Your story is so sad and unfair.
Another good hard working man taken too soon.

Yep the household emergences keep coming. I am very independent as my husband worked away a lot but some things I’m not physically able to even think of doing like you mention your roof. Yep our boiler stopped I had no heating during the last really cold weekend and three days afterwards, luckily we have an open fire as I was determined to get out of bed.

I’m learning the one day at a time too but just at this moment I don’t want to face a future without my husband and as the days, weeks and soon it will be 2 months go by I hate it even more.

You take care too.

I have 2 sons Nathan 30 left home Tom is 19 at Sheffield uni
Tom is at home at the min
Don’t think are children know what to do and say
Nathan told is work friend he lost his mum to as
He said I went with his dad
He just said he there if I need him
I have cut myself off from the really world
I no i shouldn’t be it my only way off getting thru the day
This site is helpful
Take care xx

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My husband was 57 when he passed away
He was my life soulmate best friend
Didn’t need anyone Andy was all I needed and wanted
Take care x

Hi Kerry

I am not going to lie, six months on and still as devastated as I was on the first day. I do not look beyond one day as cannot stand the pain of thinking of a life without Ian. We have a little grandson - Ian absolutely adored him - he was only 9 months when Ian died. Our son is supportive but trying to deal with his own grief. He had such a good relationship with my dad and he wanted that for his little son but that has been stolen from him. Our daughter lives in Essex and so have not been able to see her since the funeral. She messages me but cannot bring herself to talk as it upsets her so much.

I just cannot believe this has happened to our family. I have a recording on my mobile of my husband playing with our grandson the day before he died - I often watch it and wish I could turn the clock back.

Like Debbie I have withdrawn into my own world whenever possible as only way for me to cope.

Take care.
Sheila xxxx

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Dear Sheila26,
You are quite right not to lie about being devastated six months on from your husbands very sudden death. Grieving for a soulmate is the most challenging of all emotions as the one person we need to be supporting us when faced with overwhelming pain and heartache is not there. It messes with our minds not to mention our hearts. It doesn’t have a time limit and that for me is one of the most daunting aspects. When people ask me now how I’m doing fifteen months on I just say I’m still here but it doesn’t get easier. We learn to function on a basic human level but beyond that it would be lying to say I’m ok.
Like you I cannot believe what has happened to my family. Each day I still believe that this isn’t really my life. My husbands last phone conversation and WhatsApp message just minutes before he died were so upbeat. The last words in person to our elder son two weeks previously was how he was looking forward to his wedding. Rather than cancel the date last august the wedding went ahead. Just fifteen people but as my son said postponing it wasn’t an option as my husband could never now be there. I feel for you being so sad that your husband won’t see his dear little grandson grow up. I hate the fact my husband will never see any grandchildren if they come along. He was brilliant with our two sons from the word go and I find it so hard knowing what he will miss.
Again, like you we had plans for our retirement after a few years of sorting family issues. I feel as if we fell at the last hurdle almost with ‘our time’ just in sight. Not to the exclusion of others but just time to do our thing at our pace. I’m finding the adverts for holidays particularly distressing. Many are aimed at our age group and show devoted couples having the time of their lives. All I want is is to be able to sit in the garden once more with my husband and talk about anything and everything.
I wonder if the news of lockdown and the bid for freedom is making all of us on this forum suffer more agonies. Many of my friends are now planning their getaway and I realise there’s not a corner of the planet where I could escape my sense of loss.
The window cleaner has just done my windows as it’s one task I can’t manage now on top of everything else. I asked him if he works at weekends and he replied that he likes to get out on his motorbike. I thought of you and simply said to him to take care when he’s out and about.
Your little grandson will one day know all about his granda. He is and always will be part of him. I am truly sorry for how your life has been cruelly devastated. The feeling of loss and sadness is impossible to communicate other than to those in a similar situation of which there are sadly too many. I find the forum equally comforting but desperately sad.
Thinking of you and all others on here who are hurting. Xx


Dear Jobar

Thank you for your message. Your quote of “Not to the exclusion of others but just time to do our thing at our pace.” is something that my son struggles with. He has told me he will always be there for me but he has his own life to live with his partner and young son - that our grandson is now my life. He cannot understand that our little grandson was and always will be my life but it is the life that I had planned with his dad and is now lost that is something I can and never will get over.

I so miss the conversations and laughs with Ian. I have cried all morning while trying to do the housework. I just so miss him.

The adverts will only gain momentum and a few of my friends - the ones who are providing me with the support I need - love their holidays and they too will soon be making plans to go on their ventures. Ian and I went round Europe in a little sports car and had planned to do something similar but that’s never going to happen now. Ian also celebrated his 60th during first lockdown and we were hoping to get to Poland at some point in the future as the pre-booked holiday was cancelled. My sister-in-law has already posted on Facebook that they intend to go to Poland and I wonder if they even listened or cared when we had mentioned that was Ian’s intended birthday destination.

I just exist most days, paint on a smile for the grandson and try to avoid the rest of the world.

Again thank you for your message. Going to pick up the car - 3 mile walk - another reminder that Ian is not here. We were the perfect team.

Sheila xxxxx